West Coast Connection Forum
Lifestyle => Train of Thought => Topic started by: QuietTruth on December 07, 2006, 01:00:18 PM
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How the fuck do you improve that?
When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.
Does it gotta do with intelligence?
Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......
...Is that ignorance or intelligence?
I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??
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damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
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damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
I try talking with strangers sometimes, but I really don't have anything interesting to say. :P I'm not much of a talker I guess.
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damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
That is what's up!
And its like when I'm out, at stores and shit, its always the other nigga who gets the conversation and I'm just the nigga smiling.
But when people approach you, and you don't got nothing to say, I look real disrespectful. Not cool.
Like Ted, I ain't much of a good talker.
Good looks on the advice though. ;)
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ayo I consider my self to be very interactive socially and I got charisma drippin out my pockets, ya smell me.
first of all, youre upbringin plays a big part. it doesnt mean u cant make changes, but there maybe a limit to how much u can do.
now, first things first. read, read alot. u become more informative, u have great conversation topics, u diversify ur knowledge, so u can spit different game to different cats, u improve your vocabulary etc etc.
u have to be confident, thats a very key thing right there.
honestly i would say, try to be as active in many diverse circles.
like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.
Kick it with bitches mayne, u learn alot about yourself ur speech etc by kickin it with them.
other than that, its all on your own drive and self confidence
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^ I appreciate that homie. Thanks for your knowledge.
Very appreciative of that.
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to be honest, im not a very social person, i gotta lot of friends, but im not the person that goes up to random people to spark up conversation. but at the same time, when i have to, for example, presentations at school, conveying an idea to someone or things of that nature, i've been able to do it with ease and finesse. i think what you need to do is just relax and take a deep breath, then get started. if your hella anxious, its gonna fuck up your train of thought, so just kick back, and let the words flow out.
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^ Yeah, that's a problem.
Presentations ain't me. I take the zeros everytime. I ain't doin' none of that shit. I just sit back and chill.
And let the conversations come to me.
Otherwise, I can chill back all day and not a word to nobody all day.
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I know what you mean and really it comes with practice and aging BUT in reallity it might not be you, its the general public. People are raised ignorant and have nothing to say sometimes or they're not sharp enough to catch what you're saying. Also, energy is a very important factor; some crowds have an inviting energy and some have that negative energy which makes you uncomfortable and you gotta get passed that. Remember energy is neither created nor destroyed, therefore you can always reverse it. ;D
The best is to stay open minded and educate yourself on different subjects. Try changing the crowd you're with, alot of times your low self esteem friends are the ones who affect your behavior.
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I find myself to have very good charisma and confidence. My confidence can be lower some days and i wont talk to strangers but i always do usualy. My gf says im a flirt lol. You cant realy force it , it just has to come out. KNowledge is good too. When im at a paty with freinds ill wild out but if theres friends of mine i havent seen in a while or i dont kick it with as much anymore im more serious i dont know its like sometimes i dont wana make a fool out of myself.
All i can say is be yourself u know...when youre at the counter of a store if sometihng pops up just say it . The person will either laugh or not get it or wtv its ok tho not everyone shares the same snese of humour or people just come from different places with different values and different thoughts.
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^yeah man thats similar to me...
theres also communications courses you could take if you feel you need to improve on your shit.
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i think talking with many different people helps you adapt and broadens your social skills. Being forced to engage in conversation with people you would usually avoid is good too.
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Read up on "Social Anxiety". The only way to get better at social skill is to engage (practice) it.
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Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!
The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?
Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?
And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it. There's nuthin' I can do.
Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
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Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!
The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?
Some people never get over it, just accept it is part of their personality
Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?
That is good, don't allow it to control you.
And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it. There's nuthin' I can do.
Having a few drinks (don't get into alcoholism), or medication even; can help if it is that bad.
Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.
Maybe you are scared of the unpredictable, you already know how your friends will act, and what they will say. What they expect of you.
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
Often, there is a moment that will see it off, a breakdown, or a transition in your life...
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
You can develop mental illness which could impair your social skill, not being around people lots isolates you from being social, thus you forget your skills.
I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
Lots of people are the internet are like this, and it's a trap. They come on here because of it, but then it is just making it worse...
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^ Oh shit, really, it makes it worse?
Propz Leak, yo, I really appreciate that post! Truthfully nigga, thanks!
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damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
first time i read something by you that didnt' make me sick to my stomach. +1
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I don't consider myself super sociable, or gregarious if u wanna use the precise word...
It's definitely not hard for me to talk to many very different people, especially when it's one on one conversations, but in groups i tend to lose my sense of desire to say anything meaningful. I think the most important thing when interacting with someone is just being able to carry on a conversation, and if u sense that this person doenst wanna talk about something, switch to something else. And although i despise smalltalk, sometimes u gotta do a lil bit to get the stone rolling. With girls though its all about confidence though. I don't really try to get with girls unless i definitely know i'm into them, cuz then when they bore me i start to bore them cuz i just can't pretend to be interested. Which brings me to this personal truth - i try to socialize with people i can say more than 10 sentences to. U may be thinkin "duh" but i know people who hang out and they just seem to talk about bullshit the whole time. I think it will all fall into place at some point, but you, I, and i think most people in the their teens and early 20s don't have it all completely figured out. Peace
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its all confidence and not over-thinking. if you just relax and be yourself it flows naturally. when people sit somewhere, say talkin to a girl, and theyre all uptight and tryna think of what to say, thats when it gets awkward, so i guess the most important thing is just being relaxed, not tryin to overextend yourself, and just be who you are with confidence.
haha thats mad corny, but maybe its helpful...
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with me, if i don't somebody i won't be able to conversate with them properly
however, i'll observe some common interests we may have and whatever; eventually once i figure that out, i build a conversation based on that
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^ Oh shit, really, it makes it worse?
Propz Leak, yo, I really appreciate that post! Truthfully nigga, thanks!
it's a big topic of discussion amognst communications experst. i think it wont make it worse, just got to differentiate between internet socialisation and real life socialisation.
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Really good topic.
It's all psychological with a little bit of upbringing like Tech mentioned. I know when I was growing up, I had a really outgoing social father who could talk to anybody and everybody really well and leave a memorable impact on them, he's still that way. My mother, on the other hand, is almost the complete opposite: she's very quiet, especially at social events. She's pretty much a one-on-one talker.
I'm kind of in the middle. I can talk to strangers, but very rarely does it go any further than small talk. When I get to know the person on a more personal level, I can have great conversations with them. In big groups, I usually stay quiet and every once in awhile make a remark to make people laugh. I don't like to share what's on my mind or open up unless I know the person pretty well. I'm not a fan of public speaking either, but I'm pretty damn good at it lol.
I figure it's like this: if you don't have some serious self-esteem issues, we're all pretty young guys and still figuring things out. That's why I don't really sweat it. I notice improvements in my social interactions all the time, and as long as they stay constant, I have nother to worry about.
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Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!
The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?
Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?
And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it. There's nuthin' I can do.
Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
Wow, that's exactly how I am.
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Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!
The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?
Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?
And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it. There's nuthin' I can do.
Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
Wow, that's exactly how I am.
:o Damn, that's fuckin' crazy. :o
Ain't it annoyin' as hell?
Propz to Sik too for postin'.
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The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
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The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I feel you. Holy shit.
When I was younger I was the mad social cat. I was a fuckin' class clown and I was the nigga everybody wanted to be around. Than I moved and that ruined everythang. I was so pissed. But I still was a talker until like one year in. I slowly and slowly became more Quiet. I moved back to where I was from and thought I was gonna be my old self again. Didn't happen.
That's madd fuckin' crazy that your that same way. My mind is wowed! 8) Lol, for real though. Insane nigga! :D Tight.
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The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I feel you. Holy shit.
When I was younger I was the mad social cat. I was a fuckin' class clown and I was the nigga everybody wanted to be around. Than I moved and that ruined everythang. I was so pissed. But I still was a talker until like one year in. I slowly and slowly became more Quiet. I moved back to where I was from and thought I was gonna be my old self again. Didn't happen.
That's madd fuckin' crazy that your that same way. My mind is wowed! 8) Lol, for real though. Insane nigga! :D Tight.
You're my alter ego.
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The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I only chill witht he people I know too. I guess I got trust issues or somethin' because I find it really hard to trust people I recently met.
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Yo i just wanna insert that i'm fucking stoked to see so many people post insightful posts, cuz i had a feeling there was gonna be lots of bullshit on this. I'm glad i was wrong. DUBCC has come a long way
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Big ups to everybody.
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its all confidence and not over-thinking. if you just relax and be yourself it flows naturally. when people sit somewhere, say talkin to a girl, and theyre all uptight and tryna think of what to say, thats when it gets awkward, so i guess the most important thing is just being relaxed, not tryin to overextend yourself, and just be who you are with confidence.
haha thats mad corny, but maybe its helpful...
Yo thats my biggest problem; I overthink or think too much on what to say sometimes and thats when i get uncomfortable. I've tried relaxing and not thinking about it but sometimes i cant help it, its weird. I guess its good having a little bit of alcohol. lol
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I think I do very well.
Your upbringing certainly matters a great deal. I think my parents did a very good job of making me and my siblings people with both manners and things to say. But, my parents were not very social. This is especially true of my father, who has, I think had the greatest impact on my intellectual and behavioural upbringing. My father doesn't have real friends. It's not like he is bad, socially. At his work, he is known for being a great talker and being able to socialise with just about anyone. My father, who has climbed up to quite a high position from rather humble beginnings, can be described as a selfmade man and somewhat streetwise. This makes it easy for him to socialise with people of, excuse my wording, lower social class. He came from the same social classes himself. Nevertheless, my father isn't a very social man when he isn't working. He'd rather spend his free time reading or watching educative tv.
The point I'm trying to make is, you don't have to be social at all times to be socially skilled. Like my father, I am not a person with many friends, nor do I need to be with others all the time. Yet, outside my house, people do see me as socially skilled, and professionally (I am a teacher) I also need to be able to work with people. I manage very well.
I think the key to being seen as social is being willing to share thoughts, to talk to people and ask questions about matters that mean much to them, and being patient and listening to what others have to say. The occasional use of jokes or anecdotes tends to work well for me too. The first three things I mentioned are the primary ones. Having knowledge about things helps, but it isn't an absolute requirement. After all, you can also be social by listening to what others have to say and showing interest in what they want to share.
Of course, you will have to get to talk to people to achieve that. A social job can be a great help there, but so is talking to strangers. I often visit the zoo, and I find it very pleasant to talk to complete strangers about the animals, for example.
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^ Propz. Good stuff!!
What do you teach?
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the test:
go to the prettiest bitch in the room, and try to talk to her. if you fail, fuck it...whats the worst that can hapen to you? understand what im sayin? you sometimes have to take chances to better yourself in that particular area.
if you get that shiet down, its all smooth. make sure you gots some deoderant on. ;)
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Some people change as they grow up remember that. YOu were theclass clown and now youre a little more serious, thats coool.
Someitmes im still stuck in high shcool mode being scared of what people will think of me thats happens to me still.
But serioulsy when i goof of or uo do and we say something stupid are freinds wont even emember at are age and as you get older we got more serious things to laugh, worry or care abut u know. I try not to care sp much but sometimes its hard actualy i cant lol Its just the way im made i care what people think of me.
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^ Yeah, I got you. I get like that but very rarely in the last past year. I used be concerned about what people think of me but now I can give a fuck. Guess it's the change and growing up like you said.
Keepin' to yourself is always safer though. 8)
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Good topic.
I used to avoid talking to strangers when I was younger (although I was a fucking motor mouth around people I knew), but then I decided to go to University in London and you're kinda forced in a way to make conversations with people.
After you've spoken to some complete strangers and everything is cool, you get a lot of confidence and you won't think twice about speaking to someone you don't know.
It's true what everyone has been saying; too little confidence or too much thinking will go against you.
The worst thing you can do is keep quiet because you think you're talking bullshit (general shit like the weather, or the obvious stuff) or that what you've got to say isn't 'interesting' enough. Stop looking for the magic lines and they'll come to you naturally with practice.
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^ Propz, good post up.
I've been tryin' to do what ya'll been sayin', for real. Shit ain't workin' though. I was like...'They said to let it flow out'.....but a couple times I held in back in. Fuck. Why's it so hard, ya know?
The worst thing you can do is keep quiet because you think you're talking bullshit (general shit like the weather, or the obvious stuff) or that what you've got to say isn't 'interesting' enough. Stop looking for the magic lines and they'll come to you naturally with practice.
Respect that homie.
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maybe youre overthinking it. dont think about lettin it flow, just let it flow. lol thats kinda hard i guess, but try it if u can.
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a) watch, listen and observe. if you want to know what to say, what will go over...etc. you need to be able to read people, and you want to be able to react to their reactions.
b) most people are insecure and a little uncertain themselves. thus, confidence, without being arrogant, goes along way. with confidence, you have the advantage, as most people are a little insecure.
c) in terms of pulling chicks, lower your expectations first. you need to just be able to manage and guide a conversation, plus be able to mixin a little humor and flirtation. you need to look at yourself as a project, thus you need to accept that you will make some mistakes and get shot down initially, but this is all apart of your strategy to get comfortable with women and learn how to pull them. understand that the chicks you don't pull are most valuable, because they've made your game stronger.
also, it helps to spit at 7 & 8's before dimes. you don't need to follow through, only to find your own rhythm and comfort zone. you will feel more confident with women that aren't stunningly beautiful. build up to where you want to be.
it starts with being able to "read" people; so you have an expectation of where to start and where to lead the conversation. with women you want to lead/guide conversations but not dominate them. women feel comfortable when they are talking; but you want to lead the conversation and subtly dictate what they talk about.
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I've literally moved dozens of times in my life, went to numerous schools, lived in numerous states all around the country. This all started when I was 6 years old. While it was very difficult sometimes, it also enabled me to be very observant and perceptive. I can pretty much go into any setting and have conversation with about any type of person. But the key is to at least have somewhat of an understanding about what you're talking about, or at least reveal that you're completely ignorant on the subject and ask lots of questions. People love talking about themselves or about something they're knowlegable about.
Also, as far as steppin to women I was def shy back in the day. All because I used to be terrified of rejection. But eventually I came to the realization that there's absolutely NO reason to let the fear of rejection stop me from trying. Why is what some person thinks of me relevant in the grand scheme of things? It's not. You only have one life to live - shit ain't THAT serious. So eventually I just started hollerin at girls left and right. Didn't even have to be bangin ass broads, just step to them and develop some confidence and experience. Eventually shit becomes second nature. I've been shot down by bad ass broads and some wack ass broads. At the same time, I've bagged broads that were straight dimes all because I didn't give a fuck and hollered at them.
And then you look at the law of averages. If I step to 10 girls, I might get shitted on by 9. But if 1 of them is feelin me, then I'm good to go. I don't even sweat getting rejected. I use that shit for motivation. Like I said, some random broad you meet at the club isn't worth getting worked up over.
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How the fuck do you improve that?
When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.
Does it gotta do with intelligence?
Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......
...Is that ignorance or intelligence?
I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??
I'll offer a few things that were taught to me back in 2000 and have worked pretty well since, as far as me getting the kind of results I wanted.
#1. One book that really helped me understand social ethics was "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. There's even a movie if you don't have the time to read the book, although I recommend you read the book slowly and apply it to your life if you want the full effect. It explains how energy is transferred between human beings, and how to always hold in mind your life's purpose as you approach every person you meet and every conversation and your lives path will evolve at a faster rate.
#2. One book that really helped me increase my vocabulary was "Soul On Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver. At the time I read it I had to pull out the dictionary almost every few sentences, but it was well worth it in the end. It also opened the door for me to continue on reading other material I had previously been unable to read because of my lack of vocabulary and understanding.
#3. Try to love the person that you are talking to and want what's best for them; although don't tell them what they should do but refer to what people should do in general.
#4. Know what you are wanting out of the person you are talking to. You have to know clearly your goal before you can get what you want. For example, I am trying to be what is called in Islam, a "da-ee" which means one who calls to Allah, so every person I meet I am trying to call to Allah, either directly or indirectly, but the goal is the same.
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^bringing up allah in every conversation is not social skill. it's insanity, and fucking annoying.
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^bringing up allah in every conversation is not social skill. it's insanity, and fucking annoying.
LMAO!!
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like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.
So which one is the real you? Meaning which of those roles do you prefer?
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How the fuck do you improve that?
When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.
Does it gotta do with intelligence?
Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......
...Is that ignorance or intelligence?
I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??
I'll offer a few things that were taught to me back in 2000 and have worked pretty well since, as far as me getting the kind of results I wanted.
#1. One book that really helped me understand social ethics was "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. There's even a movie if you don't have the time to read the book, although I recommend you read the book slowly and apply it to your life if you want the full effect. It explains how energy is transferred between human beings, and how to always hold in mind your life's purpose as you approach every person you meet and every conversation and your lives path will evolve at a faster rate.
#2. One book that really helped me increase my vocabulary was "Soul On Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver. At the time I read it I had to pull out the dictionary almost every few sentences, but it was well worth it in the end. It also opened the door for me to continue on reading other material I had previously been unable to read because of my lack of vocabulary and understanding.
#3. Try to love the person that you are talking to and want what's best for them; although don't tell them what they should do but refer to what people should do in general.
#4. Know what you are wanting out of the person you are talking to. You have to know clearly your goal before you can get what you want. For example, I am trying to be what is called in Islam, a "da-ee" which means one who calls to Allah, so every person I meet I am trying to call to Allah, either directly or indirectly, but the goal is the same.
yeah lets listen to this guy about social skill (cackles like hyena) ha!
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like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.
So which one is the real you? Meaning which of those roles do you prefer?
man it's called having different cultural backgrounds, expanding horizons... international if you will.
diversity is much more fun/healthy than isolation.