Author Topic: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)  (Read 741 times)

J Bananas

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Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« on: September 09, 2006, 10:37:25 PM »


by Sacha Orenstein

From A Tribe Called Quest to Mos Def, rappers have debated the pros and cons of using the word nigga in pop culture for years. White people havenít been quite so chatty or inventive about their semi-equivalent pejorative however, meekly preferring to avoid the issue altogether. I guess itís because of the inherent difficulty of flipping cracker into anything less than an insult: despite having the word crack in it, it just sounds like a diss. Iím not on that positive shit however (strictly hardcore) and see no problem accepting the word for what it is: an insult against dumb ass white people. I think members of all races can agree that thereís a fair amount of those and they absolutely need to quit the following.


1. Ignoring progressive black art in favor of disposable product (Music rant 1/2)
If you have a blog/website/radioshow/soapbox and you regularly review extremely arty records by white people; please explain to me how you manage to ignore every viable work of Black made art and relegate your Hiphop and R&B coverage to a singles showcase of lowest common denominator music. Itís not as if youíre reviewing all black cultural output so people can make the comparison, youíre consciously choosing dumb Hiphop shit to complement your indie rock jones. Then on occasion some rapper will drop an album thatís got a hipster audience which youíll give a 7/10 and bring up whenever someone tries calls your bluff. You donít see The Source ironically reviewing Panic at the Disco or Fall Out Boy to show off how great (read: terrible) mainstream rock is, but crackers think they can get away with solely promoting the lowest of the low without anyone accusing them of cultural sabotage.


2. Dropping Bombs on other People
Ever since they stole the secret of gunpowder from the Chinese, Europeans and Americans have constantly bombed the shit out of other peoplesí land. From cannon-fire to last monthís ethering of Lebanon this has got to cease like the sound of the police. Protest, picket, march and demonstrate but do something to tell your leaders that this shit ainít cool anymore.


3. Sniffing coke
Everybody loves drugs (some people just love them too much), but donít you guys think the yayo thing is played? Seriously, your parents were doing it in the 80ís and it resulted in hip huggers, poofy hair and Michael Bolton. Obviously this drug is the sole cause of terrible music and fashion, rap pre-97 notwithstanding. Iím not telling you to go back to weed or e pills (90ís comeback is a few years away) but feel free to experiment with some new shit. I heard Ketamine makes for pretty good techno and thereís at a few mescaline producing cacti groing around which are perfectly legal to hold.


4. Faux-Hawks.
Last yearís ironic mullet definitely overstayed its welcome. You look like a dork and anyone with a lick of sense automatically wants to kick you in the testicles the minute they see you arriving looking like an extra out of some Arctic Monkeys viral marketting experiment gone wrong. I know itís frustrating but at some point youíre going to have to come to terms with what your hair can and canít do. Everyone makes mistakes (Jerry Curls, pompadours) but considering other races call what youíve got good hair, it may be time to make like the Beatles and Let it Be. In fact, stop playing with your damn hair entirely and stopÖ


5. Acting like a bunch of sissies.
The amount of pussies out there (not to be confused with actual pussy) is reaching critical mass: soon there wonít be enough bullies to steal all of the lunch money from the wimpy emo losers shuffling around the schoolyard (bullies too busy bombing foreign country). Sure cowboys, pirates, rock stars and assorted other icons turned Halloween costumes consisted mostly of racist fucks, but at least they some sort of backbone and could drink and drug themselves into a stupor, turn morbidly obese and die spectacular deaths without pausing to reflect on their feelings. Incidentally, Bol noted that this problem crosses racial lines.


Trying to push wack white pop over rap beats as anything less than cultural assimilation (Music rant 2/2)
Just because you live in a gentrified multi-cultural artistic Mecca, drink frappe lattťs, have several friends of different races (which you always promptly point out to anyone in a 3 block radius) and can dance on beat; it doesnít nullify your potential for promoting a racist agenda. Terrible, bland, white-washed recreations of black trends from 20 years past regurgitated by privileged crackers arenít artistic steps forward: theyíre phase one in a plan to hatch Elvis-2k10 and by even acknowledging that bullshit youíre no better than your parents and grand-parents. Iíd blame you for Ciara, Rhiana, Danity Kane, Cassie and the rest of the R&B charts as well, but honestly that blunderís not on you. Brownie points if you kill that noise though.


7. Acting like it ainít your ancestorsí fault
You may very well be mad at illegal aliens, but perhaps the entire nation of Mexico wouldnít want to move on your land had you not driven their country into extreme poverty over the past couple of hundred years. As the children of the oppressor, itís your job to fix everything your folks have done wrong and that may include substantial adjustments vis-ŗ-vis who gets the money and the land. It kind of sucks but itís hard to feel bad for anyone who had a posh suburban childhood while the entire rest of the world was going to shit. Word to (your) mother.


8. Holding open doors for healthy young people and grimacing when they donít sprint up to catch it
A personal pet peeve of R.H.S that I definitely agree with, this convoluted display of politeness turned sour is your own damn fault in the first place. Whether I just smoked a blunt or am accompanying the elderly, if I want to shuffle into your building at my own pace Iím going to do just that and Iím not going to let your attempt at social grace stop me. If you donít want to wait, let the damn door go because Iím perfectly capable of opening it myself on my own time. I have no intention of starting a 2 yard dash solely to accommodate your social niceties.


9. Wearing extra medium clothing (if youíre a man)
Sure the XXXL sagging look shocked the hell out of you 10 years ago, but thereís no sense hiding in the t-shirt you wore when you were five while trying to pass it off as ironic. Sadly this trend even infiltrated Hiphop but I think itís only fair that we lay blame on the originators. If Fred Durstís Yankee Cap and size infinite jeans were Hiphopís fault, the rock crowd gets the gasface for this one.


10. Any use of the word bruh
Everyone likes ďdudeĒ. From stoners to Jay-Z, anyone can use it and the word is so totally bereft of meaning that it transcended any negative connotations originally associated with it (surfers, cowboys). But despite the protests of any Boston area frat boys reading the site (all 3 of you), the word bruh is on some male Paris Hilton shit. Either extend that shit to brother in a weird Hulk Hogan-Farrakhan mash up or innovate some new slang.


he, kinda uppity negroish but good for a laugh
 

WestCoasta

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2006, 11:07:24 PM »
fuckin white people
 

Sikoticô

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2006, 11:09:53 PM »
I must admit, I do hate when someone calls me "brah". That shit is on point.
 

rik

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2006, 11:09:55 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
 

WestCoasta

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2006, 11:19:31 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
:monkey:
 

J Bananas

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2006, 11:20:54 PM »
number 2, 3 and 7 are ungrounded but the rest seems solid
 

rik

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2006, 11:24:08 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
:monkey:

My posse's on BroadWay.
 

westkoastanostra

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2006, 12:16:54 AM »
well as far i know ...i aint white....so it dont matter
 

Throwback

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2006, 06:20:39 AM »
 

Machiavelli

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2006, 06:31:06 AM »
I must admit, I do hate when someone calls me "brah". That shit is on point.

yeah that shit only people from hawaii say
 

hempkside2

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 04:03:33 AM »
They need to stop robben blacks,and the rest of the world....and brah is all day everyday in the big easy brah. :-X
 

Don Seer

Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 04:18:22 AM »
^ ...white people robbin blacks?. hang on. wasn't that post giving props to robbing+bullying white people? can't have it both ways son.. 

black peple rob kids in school yards?
white people rob whole countries?

bow down the real alpha's of this shit.. ya'll small time, pocket change wannabe's.. *dangles a platinum chain in front of you while his crew robs your house*
 

Kill

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 04:58:27 AM »
^^  ;D
 

Liquid-Dogg

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 08:28:14 AM »
well that post was 100% ignorant.   Try and keep racist comments like that to yourself

  that's what i hate about blacks, how the fuck can they get away with saying shit like that about white people. but as soon as we do something half as bad as they do, they're complaining like bitches!
 
   Like overseer said....we're the true alpha's. bow down!
 
   just remember, behind every rich black guy, there's a rich white guy fucking him in the ass!
 

Primo

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 10:45:32 AM »
anybody can complain about a race. People worry what the next man is doing. . And in my opinion tall-tees and the hip hop clothing style is WACK nowadays. Ya'll can be cheap fucks and buy 2 dollar White Tees while thinking about what car your gonna break into. I mean I'm broke but I don't have to act like a punk because of it.
 

"THE" MoSav

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2006, 12:24:05 PM »
Racisim sucks  >:(

The Best of 3 Worlds
 

Liquid-Dogg

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2006, 12:43:18 PM »
7. Acting like it ainít your ancestorsí fault
You may very well be mad at illegal aliens, but perhaps the entire nation of Mexico wouldnít want to move on your land had you not driven their country into extreme poverty over the past couple of hundred years. As the children of the oppressor, itís your job to fix everything your folks have done wrong and that may include substantial adjustments vis-ŗ-vis who gets the money and the land. It kind of sucks but itís hard to feel bad for anyone who had a posh suburban childhood while the entire rest of the world was going to shit. Word to (your) mother.

  probably the most fucking ignorant shit i've heard for a while.
    no one alive today had anything to do with your black family in the past. it wasn't us that started slavery. get over it. just cuz our ancestor's came on out top, don't be jealous!
 

MontrealCity's Most

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2006, 03:23:43 PM »
Yall thought my getting laid thread was bad.....this one has degenarated into a pretty sad state.
 

J Bananas

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2006, 04:27:25 PM »
^i wouldnt go that far, this column is in good fun and in the off chance the author did want it to be taken seriously, well fuck him, he's just mad black people's lives suck
 

Sweet & Tender Hooligan

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2006, 05:29:46 PM »
I had a faux hawk  ;D


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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #20 on: September 12, 2006, 09:45:05 PM »
instead of trying to find differences between us we should all get togheter around a big fire a roll up the phatest joint ever and give love to each other, that's what bob '' jesus '' marley would like to see us do, peace
 

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #21 on: September 12, 2006, 09:59:09 PM »
fuc u kkk pink bitches.
 

hempkside2

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2006, 07:36:24 AM »
^ ...white people robbin blacks?. hang on. wasn't that post giving props to robbing+bullying white people? can't have it both ways son.. 

black peple rob kids in school yards?
white people rob whole countries?

bow down the real alpha's of this shit.. ya'll small time, pocket change wannabe's.. *dangles a platinum chain in front of you while his crew robs your house*
Like u know who is robbing your sit. :-Xthat be our lil secret ;)
 

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2006, 03:27:39 PM »
dude who wrote that is a cracka himself
 

Sikoticô

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2006, 08:36:46 PM »
that's what i hate about blacks, how the fuck can they get away with saying shit like that about white people.
Because we have bigger dicks.

just remember, behind every rich black guy, there's a rich white guy fucking him in the ass!
It's all good because we're fucking that guy's sister.