Author Topic: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)  (Read 992 times)

J Bananas

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Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« on: September 09, 2006, 10:37:25 PM »


by Sacha Orenstein

From A Tribe Called Quest to Mos Def, rappers have debated the pros and cons of using the word nigga in pop culture for years. White people haven’t been quite so chatty or inventive about their semi-equivalent pejorative however, meekly preferring to avoid the issue altogether. I guess it’s because of the inherent difficulty of flipping cracker into anything less than an insult: despite having the word crack in it, it just sounds like a diss. I’m not on that positive shit however (strictly hardcore) and see no problem accepting the word for what it is: an insult against dumb ass white people. I think members of all races can agree that there’s a fair amount of those and they absolutely need to quit the following.


1. Ignoring progressive black art in favor of disposable product (Music rant 1/2)
If you have a blog/website/radioshow/soapbox and you regularly review extremely arty records by white people; please explain to me how you manage to ignore every viable work of Black made art and relegate your Hiphop and R&B coverage to a singles showcase of lowest common denominator music. It’s not as if you’re reviewing all black cultural output so people can make the comparison, you’re consciously choosing dumb Hiphop shit to complement your indie rock jones. Then on occasion some rapper will drop an album that’s got a hipster audience which you’ll give a 7/10 and bring up whenever someone tries calls your bluff. You don’t see The Source ironically reviewing Panic at the Disco or Fall Out Boy to show off how great (read: terrible) mainstream rock is, but crackers think they can get away with solely promoting the lowest of the low without anyone accusing them of cultural sabotage.


2. Dropping Bombs on other People
Ever since they stole the secret of gunpowder from the Chinese, Europeans and Americans have constantly bombed the shit out of other peoples’ land. From cannon-fire to last month’s ethering of Lebanon this has got to cease like the sound of the police. Protest, picket, march and demonstrate but do something to tell your leaders that this shit ain’t cool anymore.


3. Sniffing coke
Everybody loves drugs (some people just love them too much), but don’t you guys think the yayo thing is played? Seriously, your parents were doing it in the 80’s and it resulted in hip huggers, poofy hair and Michael Bolton. Obviously this drug is the sole cause of terrible music and fashion, rap pre-97 notwithstanding. I’m not telling you to go back to weed or e pills (90’s comeback is a few years away) but feel free to experiment with some new shit. I heard Ketamine makes for pretty good techno and there’s at a few mescaline producing cacti groing around which are perfectly legal to hold.


4. Faux-Hawks.
Last year’s ironic mullet definitely overstayed its welcome. You look like a dork and anyone with a lick of sense automatically wants to kick you in the testicles the minute they see you arriving looking like an extra out of some Arctic Monkeys viral marketting experiment gone wrong. I know it’s frustrating but at some point you’re going to have to come to terms with what your hair can and can’t do. Everyone makes mistakes (Jerry Curls, pompadours) but considering other races call what you’ve got good hair, it may be time to make like the Beatles and Let it Be. In fact, stop playing with your damn hair entirely and stop…


5. Acting like a bunch of sissies.
The amount of pussies out there (not to be confused with actual pussy) is reaching critical mass: soon there won’t be enough bullies to steal all of the lunch money from the wimpy emo losers shuffling around the schoolyard (bullies too busy bombing foreign country). Sure cowboys, pirates, rock stars and assorted other icons turned Halloween costumes consisted mostly of racist fucks, but at least they some sort of backbone and could drink and drug themselves into a stupor, turn morbidly obese and die spectacular deaths without pausing to reflect on their feelings. Incidentally, Bol noted that this problem crosses racial lines.


Trying to push wack white pop over rap beats as anything less than cultural assimilation (Music rant 2/2)
Just because you live in a gentrified multi-cultural artistic Mecca, drink frappe lattés, have several friends of different races (which you always promptly point out to anyone in a 3 block radius) and can dance on beat; it doesn’t nullify your potential for promoting a racist agenda. Terrible, bland, white-washed recreations of black trends from 20 years past regurgitated by privileged crackers aren’t artistic steps forward: they’re phase one in a plan to hatch Elvis-2k10 and by even acknowledging that bullshit you’re no better than your parents and grand-parents. I’d blame you for Ciara, Rhiana, Danity Kane, Cassie and the rest of the R&B charts as well, but honestly that blunder’s not on you. Brownie points if you kill that noise though.


7. Acting like it ain’t your ancestors’ fault
You may very well be mad at illegal aliens, but perhaps the entire nation of Mexico wouldn’t want to move on your land had you not driven their country into extreme poverty over the past couple of hundred years. As the children of the oppressor, it’s your job to fix everything your folks have done wrong and that may include substantial adjustments vis-à-vis who gets the money and the land. It kind of sucks but it’s hard to feel bad for anyone who had a posh suburban childhood while the entire rest of the world was going to shit. Word to (your) mother.


8. Holding open doors for healthy young people and grimacing when they don’t sprint up to catch it
A personal pet peeve of R.H.S that I definitely agree with, this convoluted display of politeness turned sour is your own damn fault in the first place. Whether I just smoked a blunt or am accompanying the elderly, if I want to shuffle into your building at my own pace I’m going to do just that and I’m not going to let your attempt at social grace stop me. If you don’t want to wait, let the damn door go because I’m perfectly capable of opening it myself on my own time. I have no intention of starting a 2 yard dash solely to accommodate your social niceties.


9. Wearing extra medium clothing (if you’re a man)
Sure the XXXL sagging look shocked the hell out of you 10 years ago, but there’s no sense hiding in the t-shirt you wore when you were five while trying to pass it off as ironic. Sadly this trend even infiltrated Hiphop but I think it’s only fair that we lay blame on the originators. If Fred Durst’s Yankee Cap and size infinite jeans were Hiphop’s fault, the rock crowd gets the gasface for this one.


10. Any use of the word bruh
Everyone likes “dude”. From stoners to Jay-Z, anyone can use it and the word is so totally bereft of meaning that it transcended any negative connotations originally associated with it (surfers, cowboys). But despite the protests of any Boston area frat boys reading the site (all 3 of you), the word bruh is on some male Paris Hilton shit. Either extend that shit to brother in a weird Hulk Hogan-Farrakhan mash up or innovate some new slang.


he, kinda uppity negroish but good for a laugh
 

WestCoasta

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2006, 11:07:24 PM »
fuckin white people
 

Sikotic™

Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2006, 11:09:53 PM »
I must admit, I do hate when someone calls me "brah". That shit is on point.
My Chihuahuas Are Eternal

THA SAUCE HOUSE
 

rik

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2006, 11:09:55 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
 

WestCoasta

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2006, 11:19:31 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
:monkey:
 

J Bananas

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2006, 11:20:54 PM »
number 2, 3 and 7 are ungrounded but the rest seems solid
 

rik

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2006, 11:24:08 PM »
fuckin white people

I take offense to that. Please try to be more consoderate next time. Thank You.
:monkey:

My posse's on BroadWay.
 

westkoastanostra

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2006, 12:16:54 AM »
well as far i know ...i aint white....so it dont matter
 

Throwback

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2006, 06:20:39 AM »
 

Machiavelli

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2006, 06:31:06 AM »
I must admit, I do hate when someone calls me "brah". That shit is on point.

yeah that shit only people from hawaii say
 

hempkside2

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 04:03:33 AM »
They need to stop robben blacks,and the rest of the world....and brah is all day everyday in the big easy brah. :-X
 

Don Seer

Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 04:18:22 AM »
^ ...white people robbin blacks?. hang on. wasn't that post giving props to robbing+bullying white people? can't have it both ways son.. 

black peple rob kids in school yards?
white people rob whole countries?

bow down the real alpha's of this shit.. ya'll small time, pocket change wannabe's.. *dangles a platinum chain in front of you while his crew robs your house*
 

Kill

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 04:58:27 AM »
^^  ;D
 

Liquid-Dogg

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 08:28:14 AM »
well that post was 100% ignorant.   Try and keep racist comments like that to yourself

  that's what i hate about blacks, how the fuck can they get away with saying shit like that about white people. but as soon as we do something half as bad as they do, they're complaining like bitches!
 
   Like overseer said....we're the true alpha's. bow down!
 
   just remember, behind every rich black guy, there's a rich white guy fucking him in the ass!
 

Primo

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Re: Top 10 things Crackers need to quit (Oh Word)
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 10:45:32 AM »
anybody can complain about a race. People worry what the next man is doing. . And in my opinion tall-tees and the hip hop clothing style is WACK nowadays. Ya'll can be cheap fucks and buy 2 dollar White Tees while thinking about what car your gonna break into. I mean I'm broke but I don't have to act like a punk because of it.