My first Diss - Need Feed Back!

[Sanford - V. President of the Dangerous Crew Movement]

ok, so here is the criteria.  My friend(David Ruffin) is the 2k basketball champ of San Francisco.  and he always talks shit about how nobody can fuck with him.  but whenever me(Hittman) and my other friend(Basic) go to his house we beat him.  but he never wants to admit his losses, het gets made throws the controller, and says that we cheated. 

here are the meanings of the words you might be confused of:

David Ruffin     = The person who this diss is attended for
Hittman          = Me
Basic               = my friend
Dedrick Tatum = a created player that he uses
Tony Yayo       = Univeral term used in SF meaning "bitch nigga"
Boss Man          =Peja Stokavij(spell check)

The First Paragraph, I wrote as if I was him/explaing how good he thinks he is

Im the 2k champ, cant you see, 
Im so good, I'd charge every nigga a fee to play me.
I still win without playin' any D, never using but one nigga on my team.
See, repeatedly shootin' the ball with one player, like I do, is the muthafuckin key.
Basic says:
"There go Yao, under the bucket, wide open free!"
David Ruffin says:
Na nigga, I can only win if I shot the ball with Tracy McGrady.
Im the 2k Basketball MVP, how can I lose when I even practice on the daily?
Shit is impossible, me losing is like Hue Heffner havin a baby.
Maybe thats why Hitman and Basic make me yell and go crazy,
I feel like a lineman playin against Walter Payton in the late 1980's,
gettin smashed on so hard, I start losin my muthafuckin memory.
But im still the Greatest of All time, you betta believe,
even though when I see them 2 niggaz, I start shakin like Muhammed Ali.

Everything below this is me dissing him.
Stand back, cover yo nut sack, because standin' outside that dotted circle will get you clapped.
Brace for that impact, while I walk over yo bitch ass like a fucken welcome matt.
Im breakin shit down for you like a fat kid would a pack of kit kats.
Hear you rattle, if I put in yo pocket a packet of tic tacs.
Matter of fact, imma a dump on you so hard, you thought you got jacked with a 9mm gat.
Perhaps I should re-enact the activity that made me bust this rap,
Or maybe I did it to end your rap career with one line... like that.
Bitch slapped like a hoe all up and down the court
Flyin' in mid air, my dick all up in Dredrick Tatums throat
Provoke and ill go Jamaican on yo ass like "Murder She wrote."
Hope you get the idea nigga, cause i aint sayin' no "yo mama" joke.
Stop bitchin' nigga and pick up the controller,
I told ya, yo luck has run out like a 3 leaf clover
Lookin' at yo 50 poster aint gonna tell you how to order around yo toy soldiers,
Its over...Your oil is leakin like a fucked up 1980 Range Rover.

Stop looking around and just hope that you dont get caught,
In the 4th quarter, we make you ass shake and crumble like the San Andreas Fault.
Make sure and tie up them laces, cause Im bout to take off, ready or not...
Im cockin the rock, ready to pop a shot, like Eazy-E with his gloc.
But tell me nigga, why must yo Tony Yayo ass continue to flop?
Oh... Because you took lessons from the "Boss Man" and Vlade Divac?
No nigga, its because you wearin those Birdmans', fuckin fake ass Reeboks.
So dont get got, and let everyone find the truth about your fame,
maintain you the best, because no one in San Francisco got any game,
Except for me and Basic, but thats another thang.
Because when Vince or Lebron drive that lane,
We leave yo players handicapped with thier body rearranged.
Such a shame the type of punishment you must sustain,
So harsh, you look like Mr. Peanut, walkin around with a cane.

You stay lookin around, screamin for a bitch type free throw,
Everytime I come to yo house, I get reminded of Nevada Reno
Because me and Basic always play yo ass, like a fuckin casino



what you guys think...this is my first drop so give me some feedback...
if its wack just give me a 


thanks, props to everyone~! 

[Sanford - V. President of the Dangerous Crew Movement]

oh yea, this isnt the final draft...so let me know for improvments.   

thanks   

but you know what to do, if its so garbage you dont want to waste your time.....=

[WC Iz Active]

I like alot of the lyrics and rhymes homie.  Im not in love w/ the concept although it's funny, but the lyrics were nice!

[Sanford - V. President of the Dangerous Crew Movement]

I like alot of the lyrics and rhymes homie.  Im not in love w/ the concept although it's funny, but the lyrics were nice!

thanks man   

i know, there is a lot of room for improvment. 

[A-Block]

If dats ur 1st dis den its all gud blud, 

U'll get betta wit tyme same as most tings....

[Sanford - V. President of the Dangerous Crew Movement]

If dats ur 1st dis den its all gud blud, 

U'll get betta wit tyme same as most tings....

thanks man!   

yea, imma kep goin...see how good i can get.   

[QuietTruth]

Propz! You had some good lines. 'Im breakin shit down for you like a fat kid would a pack of kit kats.' That was tight. You can get alot of laughs out that and nah not bad ones. Def. keep goin' cuz you'll start improving the more you write. Keep it up!

[Mo Z. Dizzle]

lyrics-wise i thot it was really good

even the nicknames u used wasn't a bad idea

i didnt like the way u wrote the first verse acting like him though....the idea u used to act like him is funny in a good way, but i think u should incorporate it into the actual song and stuff; maybe cut down on that and write a new verse

that's only my opinion though...definitely continue to write cause u have the lyrical ability

[Sanford - V. President of the Dangerous Crew Movement]

props to everyone! 
yea, imma continue...just wrote a new one in the key styles, check it out!