Author Topic: Social Skill  (Read 468 times)

QuietTruth

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Social Skill
« on: December 07, 2006, 02:00:18 PM »
How the fuck do you improve that?

When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.

Does it gotta do with intelligence?

Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......

...Is that ignorance or intelligence?

I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??
 

Samoan Enforcer

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2006, 02:08:09 PM »
damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
 

Teddy Roosevelt

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2006, 02:11:47 PM »
damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
I try talking with strangers sometimes, but I really don't have anything interesting to say. :P I'm not much of a talker I guess.
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2006, 02:58:21 PM »
damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
That is what's up!

And its like when I'm out, at stores and shit, its always the other nigga who gets the conversation and I'm just the nigga smiling.

But when people approach you, and you don't got nothing to say, I look real disrespectful. Not cool.

Like Ted, I ain't much of a good talker.

Good looks on the advice though. ;)
 

King Tech Quadafi

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2006, 04:17:01 PM »
ayo I consider my self to be very interactive socially and I got charisma drippin out my pockets, ya smell me.

first of all, youre upbringin plays a big part. it doesnt mean u cant make changes, but there maybe a limit to how much u can do.

now, first things first. read, read alot. u become more informative, u have great conversation topics, u diversify ur knowledge, so u can spit different game to different cats, u improve your vocabulary etc etc.

u have to be confident, thats a very key thing right there.

honestly i would say, try to be as active in many diverse circles.

like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.

Kick it with bitches mayne, u learn alot about yourself ur speech etc by kickin it with them.

other than that, its all on your own drive and self confidence
"One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

- Lewis Carroll
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2006, 05:13:51 PM »
^ I appreciate that homie. Thanks for your knowledge.

Very appreciative of that.
 

REGIME MOB 510

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2006, 05:58:43 PM »
to be honest, im not a very social person, i gotta lot of friends, but im not the person that goes up to random people to spark up conversation.  but at the same time, when i have to, for example, presentations at school, conveying an idea to someone or things of that nature, i've been able to do it with ease and finesse.  i think what you need to do is just relax and take a deep breath, then get started.  if your hella anxious, its gonna fuck up your train of thought, so just kick back, and let the words flow out.
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2006, 06:28:20 PM »
^ Yeah, that's a problem.

Presentations ain't me. I take the zeros everytime. I ain't doin' none of that shit. I just sit back and chill.

And let the conversations come to me.

Otherwise, I can chill back all day and not a word to nobody all day.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2006, 08:40:43 PM »
I know what you mean and really it comes with practice and aging BUT in reallity it might not be you, its the general public.  People are raised ignorant and have nothing to say sometimes or they're not sharp enough to catch what you're saying.  Also, energy is a very important factor; some crowds have an inviting energy and some have that negative energy which makes you uncomfortable and you gotta get passed that.  Remember energy is neither created nor destroyed, therefore you can always reverse it.  ;D
The best is to stay open minded and educate yourself on different subjects.  Try changing the crowd you're with, alot of times your low self esteem friends are the ones who affect your behavior.
 

MontrealCity's Most

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2006, 11:28:38 PM »
I find myself to have very good charisma and confidence. My confidence can be lower some days and i wont talk to strangers but i always do usualy. My gf says im a flirt lol. You cant realy force it , it just has to come out. KNowledge is good too. When im at a paty with freinds ill wild out but if theres friends of mine i havent seen in a while or i dont kick it with as much anymore im more serious i dont know its like sometimes i dont wana make a fool out of myself.

All i can say is be yourself u know...when youre at the counter of a store if sometihng pops up just say it . The person will either laugh or not get it or wtv its ok tho not everyone shares the same snese of humour or people just come from different places with different values and different thoughts.
 

Chief

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2006, 01:44:03 AM »
^yeah man thats similar to me...

theres also communications courses you could take if you feel you need to improve on your shit.
 

AndrE16686

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2006, 04:45:22 AM »
i think talking with many different people helps you adapt and broadens your social skills. Being forced to engage in conversation with people you would usually avoid is good too.
 

The-Leak (aka) kingwell (bka) JULES

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2006, 07:48:34 AM »
Read up on "Social Anxiety".  The only way to get better at social skill is to engage (practice) it.

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2006, 01:13:25 PM »
Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!

The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?

Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?

And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it.  There's nuthin' I can do.

Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.

The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?

I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
 

The-Leak (aka) kingwell (bka) JULES

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #14 on: December 08, 2006, 06:36:30 PM »
Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!

The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?
Some people never get over it, just accept it is part of their personality

Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?
That is good, don't allow it to control you.

And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it.  There's nuthin' I can do.
Having a few drinks (don't get into alcoholism), or medication even; can help if it is that bad.


Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.
Maybe you are scared of the unpredictable, you already know how your friends will act, and what they will say.  What they expect of you.


The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.
Often, there is a moment that will see it off, a breakdown, or a transition in your life...


How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
You can develop mental illness which could impair your social skill, not being around people lots isolates you from being social, thus you forget your skills.


I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!

Lots of people are the internet are like this, and it's a trap.  They come on here because of it, but then it is just making it worse... 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2006, 08:13:16 PM »
^ Oh shit, really, it makes it worse?



Propz Leak, yo, I really appreciate that post! Truthfully nigga, thanks!
 

Suffice

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2006, 09:24:22 PM »
damn dude good thread, the past five years have been a big fuckin exercise in this for me. ive found whats worked for me is just talkin to everybody. strangers (be careful) , make existing friendships tighter, people at places you shop at, just trying to build little connections. go to parties/clubs/bars whatever. nothing really comes quick and for people like me you gotta piss off some people and learn the hard way, but it will come with age no doubt
first time i read something by you that didnt' make me sick to my stomach. +1
"You only live once, you might as well die now" - Slim Shady (RIP)
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #17 on: December 08, 2006, 09:32:49 PM »
I don't consider myself super sociable, or gregarious if u wanna use the precise word...
It's definitely not hard for me to talk to many very different people, especially when it's one on one conversations, but in groups i tend to lose my sense of desire to say anything meaningful. I think the most important thing when interacting with someone is just being able to carry on a conversation, and if u sense that this person doenst wanna talk about something, switch to something else. And although i despise smalltalk, sometimes u gotta do a lil bit to get the stone rolling. With girls though its all about confidence though. I don't really try to get with girls unless i definitely know i'm into them, cuz then when they bore me i start to bore them cuz i just can't pretend to be interested. Which brings me to this personal truth - i try to socialize with people i can say more than 10 sentences to. U may be thinkin "duh" but i know people who hang out and they just seem to talk about bullshit the whole time. I think it will all fall into place at some point, but you, I, and i think most people in the their teens and early 20s don't have it all completely figured out. Peace
"You only live once, you might as well die now" - Slim Shady (RIP)
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2006, 11:07:22 PM »
its all confidence and not over-thinking. if you just relax and be yourself it flows naturally. when people sit somewhere, say talkin to a girl, and theyre all uptight and tryna think of what to say, thats when it gets awkward, so i guess the most important thing is just being relaxed, not tryin to overextend yourself, and just be who you are with confidence.

haha thats mad corny, but maybe its helpful...
 

Mo Z. Dizzle

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #19 on: December 08, 2006, 11:08:12 PM »
with me, if i don't somebody i won't be able to conversate with them properly

however, i'll observe some common interests we may have and whatever; eventually once i figure that out, i build a conversation based on that
      
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Chief

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2006, 10:41:21 AM »
^ Oh shit, really, it makes it worse?



Propz Leak, yo, I really appreciate that post! Truthfully nigga, thanks!

it's a big topic of discussion amognst communications experst. i think it wont make it worse, just got to differentiate between internet socialisation and real life socialisation.
 

Sikotic™

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2006, 11:19:27 AM »
Really good topic.

It's all psychological with a little bit of upbringing like Tech mentioned. I know when I was growing up, I had a really outgoing social father who could talk to anybody and everybody really well and leave a memorable impact on them, he's still that way. My mother, on the other hand, is almost the complete opposite: she's very quiet, especially at social events. She's pretty much a one-on-one talker.

I'm kind of in the middle. I can talk to strangers, but very rarely does it go any further than small talk. When I get to know the person on a more personal level, I can have great conversations with them. In big groups, I usually stay quiet and every once in awhile make a remark to make people laugh. I don't like to share what's on my mind or open up unless I know the person pretty well. I'm not a fan of public speaking either, but I'm pretty damn good at it lol.

I figure it's like this: if you don't have some serious self-esteem issues, we're all pretty young guys and still figuring things out. That's why I don't really sweat it. I notice improvements in my social interactions all the time, and as long as they stay constant, I have nother to worry about.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2006, 01:52:48 PM »
Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!

The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?

Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?

And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it.  There's nuthin' I can do.

Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.

The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?

I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
Wow, that's exactly how I am.
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2006, 02:00:15 PM »
Propz to ALL Ya'll!!!

The thing that I don't get is if you can't force 'it' than how are you supposed to break out that shell?

Becuz for me I gotta force myself, ya know?

And I can't help it. It's like I don't want to be this way but I just can't fuckin' help it.  There's nuthin' I can do.

Its kinda like what MTL's Most was sayin'. I am comfortable around the people that I'm always around but when I'm out of that environment it's like fuckin' crickets.

The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?

I don't know man, ya'll posting some good shit though!
Wow, that's exactly how I am.
:o Damn, that's fuckin' crazy. :o

Ain't it annoyin' as hell?

Propz to Sik too for postin'.
 

Teddy Roosevelt

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #24 on: December 09, 2006, 02:39:24 PM »
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.