Author Topic: Social Skill  (Read 467 times)

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #25 on: December 09, 2006, 02:46:55 PM »
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I feel you. Holy shit.

When I was younger I was the mad social cat. I was a fuckin' class clown and I was the nigga everybody wanted to be around. Than I moved and that ruined everythang. I was so pissed. But I still was a talker until like one year in. I slowly and slowly became more Quiet. I moved back to where I was from and thought I was gonna be my old self again. Didn't happen.

That's madd fuckin' crazy that your that same way. My mind is wowed! 8) Lol, for real though. Insane nigga! :D Tight.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #26 on: December 09, 2006, 02:54:24 PM »
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I feel you. Holy shit.

When I was younger I was the mad social cat. I was a fuckin' class clown and I was the nigga everybody wanted to be around. Than I moved and that ruined everythang. I was so pissed. But I still was a talker until like one year in. I slowly and slowly became more Quiet. I moved back to where I was from and thought I was gonna be my old self again. Didn't happen.

That's madd fuckin' crazy that your that same way. My mind is wowed! 8) Lol, for real though. Insane nigga! :D Tight.
You're my alter ego.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #27 on: December 09, 2006, 03:16:36 PM »
The funny thing is, is that I was never ever this way before now its just all the sudden.

How can a person even lose social skill ya know?
Before I moved to the US I was really social. When I moved to California, I seemed to stop talking to most people until I rarely socialized with many people. Now I just chill with the people I know.
I only chill witht he people I know too. I guess I got trust issues or somethin' because I find it really hard to trust people I recently met.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #28 on: December 09, 2006, 08:21:12 PM »
Yo i just wanna insert that i'm fucking stoked to see so many people post insightful posts, cuz i had a feeling there was gonna be lots of bullshit on this. I'm glad i was wrong. DUBCC has come a long way
"You only live once, you might as well die now" - Slim Shady (RIP)
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #29 on: December 09, 2006, 08:29:00 PM »
Big ups to everybody.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #30 on: December 10, 2006, 04:10:00 PM »
its all confidence and not over-thinking. if you just relax and be yourself it flows naturally. when people sit somewhere, say talkin to a girl, and theyre all uptight and tryna think of what to say, thats when it gets awkward, so i guess the most important thing is just being relaxed, not tryin to overextend yourself, and just be who you are with confidence.

haha thats mad corny, but maybe its helpful...

Yo thats my biggest problem; I overthink or think too much on what to say sometimes and thats when i get uncomfortable.  I've tried relaxing and not thinking about it but sometimes i cant help it, its weird.  I guess its good having a little bit of alcohol. lol

 

Z the laidback Virus

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #31 on: December 10, 2006, 04:33:00 PM »
I think I do very well.

Your upbringing certainly matters a great deal. I think my parents did a very good job of making me and my siblings people with both manners and things to say. But, my parents were not very social. This is especially true of my father, who has, I think had the greatest impact on my intellectual and behavioural upbringing. My father doesn't have real friends. It's not like he is bad, socially. At his work, he is known for being a great talker and being able to socialise with just about anyone. My father, who has climbed up to quite a high position from rather humble beginnings, can be described as a selfmade man and somewhat streetwise. This makes it easy for him to socialise with people of, excuse my wording, lower social class. He came from the same social classes himself. Nevertheless, my father isn't a very social man when he isn't working. He'd rather spend his free time reading or watching educative tv.

The point I'm trying to make is, you don't have to be social at all times to be socially skilled. Like my father, I am not a person with many friends, nor do I need to be with others all the time. Yet, outside my house, people do see me as socially skilled, and professionally (I am a teacher) I also need to be able to work with people. I manage very well.

I think the key to being seen as social is being willing to share thoughts, to talk to people and ask questions about matters that mean much to them, and being patient and listening to what others have to say. The occasional use of jokes or anecdotes tends to work well for me too. The first three things I mentioned are the primary ones. Having knowledge about things helps, but it isn't an absolute requirement. After all, you can also be social by listening to what others have to say and showing interest in what they want to share.

Of course, you will have to get to talk to people to achieve that. A social job can be a great help there, but so is talking to strangers. I often visit the zoo, and I find it very pleasant to talk to complete strangers about the animals, for example.

 
« Last Edit: December 10, 2006, 04:35:39 PM by Z the laidback Virus »
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QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #32 on: December 10, 2006, 05:15:22 PM »
^ Propz. Good stuff!!

What do you teach?
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #33 on: December 10, 2006, 05:59:40 PM »
the test:

go to the prettiest bitch in the room, and try to talk to her. if you fail, fuck it...whats the worst that can hapen to you?  understand what im sayin?  you sometimes have to take chances to better yourself in that particular area.

if you get that shiet down, its all smooth.  make sure you gots some deoderant on.   ;)


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MontrealCity's Most

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #34 on: December 10, 2006, 07:17:13 PM »
Some people change as they grow up remember that. YOu were theclass clown and now youre a little more serious, thats coool.
Someitmes im still stuck in high shcool mode being scared of what people will think of me thats happens to me still.
But serioulsy when i goof of or uo do and we say something stupid are freinds wont even emember at are age and as you get older we got more serious things to laugh, worry or care abut u know. I try not to care sp much but sometimes its hard actualy i cant lol Its just the way im made i care what people think of me.
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #35 on: December 11, 2006, 01:05:09 PM »
^ Yeah, I got you. I get like that but very rarely in the last past year. I used be concerned about what people think of me but now I can give a fuck. Guess it's the change and growing up like you said.



Keepin' to yourself is always safer though. 8)
 

Digital Pimpin'

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2006, 07:50:02 AM »
Good topic.

I used to avoid talking to strangers when I was younger (although I was a fucking motor mouth around people I knew), but then I decided to go to University in London and you're kinda forced in a way to make conversations with people.

After you've spoken to some complete strangers and everything is cool, you get a lot of confidence and you won't think twice about speaking to someone you don't know.

It's true what everyone has been saying; too little confidence or too much thinking will go against you.

The worst thing you can do is keep quiet because you think you're talking bullshit (general shit like the weather, or the obvious stuff) or that what you've got to say isn't 'interesting' enough. Stop looking for the magic lines and they'll come to you naturally with practice.
 

QuietTruth

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #37 on: December 12, 2006, 05:30:45 PM »
^ Propz, good post up.

I've been tryin' to do what ya'll been sayin', for real. Shit ain't workin' though. I was like...'They said to let it flow out'.....but a couple times I held in back in. Fuck. Why's it so hard, ya know?


The worst thing you can do is keep quiet because you think you're talking bullshit (general shit like the weather, or the obvious stuff) or that what you've got to say isn't 'interesting' enough. Stop looking for the magic lines and they'll come to you naturally with practice.
Respect that homie.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #38 on: December 12, 2006, 06:20:33 PM »
maybe youre overthinking it. dont think about lettin it flow, just let it flow. lol thats kinda hard i guess, but try it if u can.
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #39 on: December 12, 2006, 07:19:54 PM »
a) watch, listen and observe.  if you want to know what to say, what will go over...etc. you need to be able to read people, and you want to be able to react to their reactions.

b) most people are insecure and a little uncertain themselves.  thus, confidence, without being arrogant, goes along way.  with confidence, you have the advantage, as most people are a little insecure. 

c) in terms of pulling chicks, lower your expectations first.  you need to just be able to manage and guide a conversation, plus be able to mixin a little humor and flirtation.  you need to look at yourself as a project, thus you need to accept that you will make some mistakes and get shot down initially, but this is all apart of your strategy to get comfortable with women and learn how to pull them.  understand that the chicks you don't pull are most valuable, because they've made your game stronger.

also, it helps to spit at 7 & 8's before dimes.  you don't need to follow through, only to find your own rhythm and comfort zone.   you will feel more confident with women that aren't stunningly beautiful.  build up to where you want to be.

it starts with being able to "read" people; so you have an expectation of where to start and where to lead the conversation.  with women you want to lead/guide conversations but not dominate them.   women feel comfortable when they are talking; but you want to lead the conversation and subtly dictate what they talk about.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2006, 07:22:53 PM by nibs »
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jeromechickenbone

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #40 on: December 12, 2006, 07:40:52 PM »
I've literally moved dozens of times in my life, went to numerous schools, lived in numerous states all around the country.  This all started when I was 6 years old.  While it was very difficult sometimes, it also enabled me to be very observant and perceptive.  I can pretty much go into any setting and have conversation with about any type of person.  But the key is to at least have somewhat of an understanding about what you're talking about, or at least reveal that you're completely ignorant on the subject and ask lots of questions.  People love talking about themselves or about something they're knowlegable about.

Also, as far as steppin to women I was def shy back in the day.  All because I used to be terrified of rejection.  But eventually I came to the realization that there's absolutely NO reason to let the fear of rejection stop me from trying.  Why is what some person thinks of me relevant in the grand scheme of things?  It's not.  You only have one life to live - shit ain't THAT serious.  So eventually I just started hollerin at girls left and right.  Didn't even have to be bangin ass broads, just step to them and develop some confidence and experience.  Eventually shit becomes second nature.  I've been shot down by bad ass broads and some wack ass broads.  At the same time, I've bagged broads that were straight dimes all because I didn't give a fuck and hollered at them.

And then you look at the law of averages.  If I step to 10 girls, I might get shitted on by 9.  But if 1 of them is feelin me, then I'm good to go.  I don't even sweat getting rejected.  I use that shit for motivation.  Like I said, some random broad you meet at the club isn't worth getting worked up over. 
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #41 on: December 12, 2006, 11:39:22 PM »
How the fuck do you improve that?

When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.

Does it gotta do with intelligence?

Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......

...Is that ignorance or intelligence?

I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??

I'll offer a few things that were taught to me back in 2000 and have worked pretty well since, as far as me getting the kind of results I wanted.

#1.  One book that really helped me understand social ethics was "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield.  There's even a movie if you don't have the time to read the book, although I recommend you read the book slowly and apply it to your life if you want the full effect.  It explains how energy is transferred between human beings, and how to always hold in mind your life's purpose as you approach every person you meet and every conversation and your lives path will evolve at a faster rate.

#2.  One book that really helped me increase my vocabulary was "Soul On Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver.  At the time I read it I had to pull out the dictionary almost every few sentences, but it was well worth it in the end.  It also opened the door for me to continue on reading other material I had previously been unable to read because of my lack of vocabulary and understanding.

#3.  Try to love the person that you are talking to and want what's best for them; although don't tell them what they should do but refer to what people should do in general.

#4.  Know what you are wanting out of the person you are talking to.  You have to know clearly your goal before you can get what you want.  For example, I am trying to be what is called in Islam, a "da-ee" which means one who calls to Allah, so every person I meet I am trying to call to Allah, either directly or indirectly, but the goal is the same.



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"I will make records as big or bigger than Death Row".   -Dre, Source 1996

"I didn't do nothing but make people money and I didn't leave nobody high and dry.  Any album (on death row) people are going to check for.  But it's time for Dre to worry about Dre.  I'm focused on the new Snoop Doggs, not like that but you know what I mean."

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Chief

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #42 on: December 13, 2006, 08:52:44 AM »
^bringing up allah in every conversation is not social skill. it's insanity, and fucking annoying.
 

7even

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #43 on: December 13, 2006, 10:32:44 AM »
^bringing up allah in every conversation is not social skill. it's insanity, and fucking annoying.

LMAO!!
Cause I don't care where I belong no more
What we share or not I will ignore
And I won't waste my time fitting in
Cause I don't think contrast is a sin
No, it's not a sin
 

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #44 on: December 13, 2006, 10:44:23 PM »

like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.


So which one is the real you?  Meaning which of those roles do you prefer?
« Last Edit: December 13, 2006, 10:46:26 PM by The "Da'ee"- Hajj Abdul-Infinite...BANNED FOR CALLING TO TRUTH »
*******

"I will make records as big or bigger than Death Row".   -Dre, Source 1996

"I didn't do nothing but make people money and I didn't leave nobody high and dry.  Any album (on death row) people are going to check for.  But it's time for Dre to worry about Dre.  I'm focused on the new Snoop Doggs, not like that but you know what I mean."

Dre -  Source 1996 cover

"Eminem will be bigger than Michael Jackson as long as he doesn't change."

-Dre, Rolling Stones mag 1999 Em cover

********
 

Samoan Enforcer

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #45 on: December 14, 2006, 05:12:54 AM »
How the fuck do you improve that?

When I ask, I don't mean just goin' up and talkin' to people but I say it in a way like, how? How to talk to a person the right way.

Does it gotta do with intelligence?

Ya know, it's like to some people it comes natural as hell, but like when somebody asks ya something and its like you don't know what to say, or you do, but have no fuckin' clue how to word something right.......

...Is that ignorance or intelligence?

I don't know, maybe this will grow out of you??

I'll offer a few things that were taught to me back in 2000 and have worked pretty well since, as far as me getting the kind of results I wanted.

#1.  One book that really helped me understand social ethics was "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield.  There's even a movie if you don't have the time to read the book, although I recommend you read the book slowly and apply it to your life if you want the full effect.  It explains how energy is transferred between human beings, and how to always hold in mind your life's purpose as you approach every person you meet and every conversation and your lives path will evolve at a faster rate.

#2.  One book that really helped me increase my vocabulary was "Soul On Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver.  At the time I read it I had to pull out the dictionary almost every few sentences, but it was well worth it in the end.  It also opened the door for me to continue on reading other material I had previously been unable to read because of my lack of vocabulary and understanding.

#3.  Try to love the person that you are talking to and want what's best for them; although don't tell them what they should do but refer to what people should do in general.

#4.  Know what you are wanting out of the person you are talking to.  You have to know clearly your goal before you can get what you want.  For example, I am trying to be what is called in Islam, a "da-ee" which means one who calls to Allah, so every person I meet I am trying to call to Allah, either directly or indirectly, but the goal is the same.





yeah lets listen to this guy about social skill (cackles like hyena) ha!
 

Chief

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Re: Social Skill
« Reply #46 on: December 14, 2006, 08:45:37 AM »

like me, i was born in the middle east, grew up hardcore afghan muslim. so i can communicate with my people, fellow immigrants etc. I also grew up in the PJs, so I got some ghetto ness in me, some street smarts if u will, I can fuck wit ma niggaz. growing up, I kicked it with a wide range of people, white boys, rich kids, 4-5 different ethnic groups etc. I go to university, so now Im interacting with the professional crowd.


So which one is the real you?  Meaning which of those roles do you prefer?

man it's called having different cultural backgrounds, expanding horizons... international if you will.

diversity is much more fun/healthy than isolation.