Author Topic: i gotta get some shit off my chest  (Read 300 times)

HBKid_Jr

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i gotta get some shit off my chest
« on: April 05, 2002, 07:59:29 PM »
There aint nutin u can say,  but i have to get it off my chest.  I am always angry an depressed,  honestly a day does not go by in which i dont wish death on myself.  2day i was playin basketball wit a couple of friends an some kids they knew.  I sucked,  i got pissed an left.  Than at work i snapped on this girl b/c of my anger.  She started cryin,  i felt like a fuckin dick.  This girl did nutin wrong.  I jus looked at my life right there.  What tha fuck did i do wrong to be depressed 24/7,  what did i do to completely hate life an see no hope.  No matter how hard i try, there will always be some1 better than me,  i will always get fucked over.  Tha only thing i was ever exceptionally good at was baseball an i dont even play anymore.  I worked my ass off to get good,  i would be throwin a baseball against tha school everyday for hours,  even if it was raining.  Now i dont play anymore.  I work for over a year at tha same job,  no raise, i cant quit b/c i pay tha cable bill which means,  i cant go online,  or watch sports center.  Music an sports,  tha only 2 things that bring joy 2 my life,  an i couldnt even talk about them.  i tried explaining this to one of my only friends kevin. I was tellin him how i can barely afford to get new glasses,  he didnt understand.  I see all these fuckin scum bags in school gettin through life easy,  there mommys an daddys by them whatever they want.  While everything i have i worked for,  i try not to ask my parents for anything.  Than i started thinkin about tha girl i like.  I have  no shot wit her,  1st off i think she is amazing lookin,  Kane thinks different but to me she is.  But shes pretty popular,  im a loner,  i dont trust people anymore b/c of fake friends i had.  But what girl wants to get wit poor white trash,  every1 thinks i wanan be black.  I have no car.  No high school girl wants that.  Maybe shes different,  an she aint all hung up on material shit, but i doubt it.  I have few friends b/c of who i am.  When i moved from queens to hicksville.  it was a different world.  I was called a wigger for tha 1st time.  A couple of years passed an i tried to become some1 i wasnt.  I finally said fuck it,  imma listen to rap,  imma wear my jeans hangin off my ass,  this is what i was raised around but no1 gives a fuck,  im an outcast b/c of it.  I hated livin in hicksville since i first moved out here.  i look at my family.  What did we do to have out dead end up in a wheel chair,  what did we do to have my parents marrage deterioate.  Why did i have to see my dad being crushed to death by a fuckin truck.  I havnt been happy since before his accident.  We relyed on him for imcome,  he owned his own business.  He couldnt work anymore.  We went to living easy to gettin fuckin food stamps.  We fuckin survive off of social security an my moms hefty check (sarcasim).  school has caused so much fuckin anger.  Every1 is a fake.  Every1 thinks im an idiot b/c i didnt wanna learn tha bull shit they taught i decided to  learn for myself.  But now im a senior,  im underacheived,  im goin to community college,  if i tried i could of went to a good school.  But i choosed to say fuck it.  There jus so much i got to say.  I aint even had a girl friend cuz of stayed tru to myself.  there is jus a lot i gotta say,  too much actually.  I jus wanted to say fuck tha world,  i dunno what else to say,  What tha fuck did i do to be shitted on,  i know some have it worse than i do,  but i dont see it,  especially where i live.  I did nothing wrong u know what im sayin,  jus did my thing tried to stay tru an now all i think about is wantin to die.  I honestly see no hope in my life.  I could go a lot more in dept but i already wrote enough as it is,  i jus need to get some shit off my chest
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

MidnightPills

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2002, 08:22:34 PM »
ok... claim down.. and reread what you wrote... you are angry at things that no one in this world has complete control over... i understand that you are going through a seriously hard time but alot of people do.. and they turn out ok at the end.. the only way you are going to be ok is if.. you stay focus.. and think about what you are going to do with your life.. you are a senior.. that means... thats it.. no more after this.. time to wake up and get real.... life is tough as hell.. not to long ago trauma mother had cancers.. and all he could think about his little bro... m dogg and I watch or mother throw her health away in drugs.. that killed her and we are ok now.. both in college.. and finding ways to improve or lifes one day at a time... i was not popular in high school either.. I was concided a nerd do to the one thing i loved the most... NJROTC.. and when you think about it.. hip hop and baseket ball are you passion... so.. in your school do you your race that puts you in the same spot as myself in high school... but once you graduate it is all a memory... and nothing more.. you won't even care about those people and never will see them again anyways.... i promise you college is a 100% better then high school... the people are there to learn and get all educated.. they don't have time to be popular.. and many of them will have family already or married.. grew up people and not high school kids... take classes that you will like.. and will benefit from.. and remember the FASFA is there to help you.. i get 900 every other month which helps me out with my bills and some mad money.... because my dad only caughs up so much money.. i mean.. he can't even aford himself let alone me.. then i lost my job at burger king.. and i needed that money.. and now no one will hire me do to school.. and my schedual.. but i am  still happy with my life and the mind good gave me.. there are deft people in my school.. that i look up to,.. becuase there disablity doesn't stop them from going to college and getting there education...I am truely blessed in life.. and not with money.. the best looking guys.. mobs of friends.. and a good job.. i am bless with the heart to realize how good i have it with the little i have... and you should be too.. you don't have to worry about your next meal.. or.. where you are going to sleep next........ so thank god for that...  but i honestly think you are going to be ok.. you know what you problem is.. now it is up to you to do something about it.. and change your life.. for the better! luv ya Tom and take care.. and try to make the best of the weekend for you!! ~1~ :)
 

Trauma-san

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2002, 09:10:21 PM »
Man, you keep thinking your alone, you're not.  Check this:

 "I am always angry an depressed,  honestly a day does not go by in which i dont wish death on myself.  "

I was like that for a while.  Not quite as bad about the suicide, though.

"2day i was playin basketball wit a couple of friends an some kids they knew.  I sucked,  i got pissed an left."

I used to do the same thing all the time.

"Than at work i snapped on this girl b/c of my anger.  She started cryin,  i felt like a fuckin dick.  This girl did nutin wrong."

I was a manger at winndixie a couple years back, and I used to cuss girls out, I hit one in the head with my frieking manager keys, how the hell you think I felt? I wanted to kill myself after that.  I went back in the office and was crying about it all night.  

"I jus looked at my life right there.  What tha fuck did i do wrong to be depressed 24/7,  what did i do to completely hate life an see no hope."

Nothin' at all, everybody grows up like that, man, ha.  Poor kids are sad because their dad's dead, rich kids are sad because they got the blue bike instead of the red bike.  Everybody goes through this.

"No matter how hard i try, there will always be some1 better than me,  i will always get fucked over."

Exactly.  Don't trip though, there's ALWAYS someone better at you at everything, all the way up to god.  Even when you're the best at something, God's better.  But, the trick is, that's not how you get happiness in life, being better than someone else.  You get happiness in life from helping other people be better.  

"Tha only thing i was ever exceptionally good at was baseball an i dont even play anymore.  I worked my ass off to get good,  i would be throwin a baseball against tha school everyday for hours,  even if it was raining.  Now i dont play anymore."

Why not?  Did you enjoy it?  If you did, you should do it again.  

"I work for over a year at tha same job,  no raise, i cant quit b/c i pay tha cable bill which means,  i cant go online,  or watch sports center."

LOOK for another job, once you find it, switch jobs.  Simple as that, dogg.

"Music an sports,  tha only 2 things that bring joy 2 my life,  an i couldnt even talk about them.  i tried explaining this to one of my only friends kevin. I was tellin him how i can barely afford to get new glasses,  he didnt understand. "

Story of my life, hah.  Only person that will understand is you, god, and you'll meet a chick one day who'll understand, man, i promise you will.  I've already met 3, They're around, and they'll be around you soon.

"I see all these fuckin scum bags in school gettin through life easy,  there mommys an daddys by them whatever they want.  While everything i have i worked for,  i try not to ask my parents for anything."

Man, scum bags make the world go around.  But there's 2 worlds out there, the fake, image one, where these assholes think they run things, and man, just leave it to them.  All the girls they have are idiots; all the material things they get are worthless, they're jokes.  You, Me, Infinite, Doggystylin', Jake, Sikotic, Overseer, and a 100 others are all in the joke.  We know they're screwed up, and aren't worth even talking to.  The cool thing is, you don't have to be a part of that, all you have to do is sit back and watch them make mistakes, while you knew they were screwed up all along.  Don't sweat theirs, man.  We're all with you on that one, we know fake from real.  

"Than i started thinkin about tha girl i like.  I have  no shot wit her,  1st off i think she is amazing lookin,  Kane thinks different but to me she is.  But shes pretty popular,  im a loner,  i dont trust people anymore b/c of fake friends i had.  But what girl wants to get wit poor white trash,  every1 thinks i wanan be black."

Man, there's tons, and tons, of girls out there who will think you're cute, or like your attitude, or think it's cool how you dare to be different.  Maybe this one wont' work out, but maybe she will.  Have you asked her out?  You'll never know if you don't try.  And if she says no, Buck Em, move to the next, Ha.  Man, you see this all day, don't TELL ME you actually believe you can't get a girl.  Girls will date ANYBODY, if you get one of them alone, you'll see just how lonely girls are, they're scared, they're lonely, and they need people.  Any girl I ever got alone, was totally weak for me, that's just how it is.  

"I have no car.  No high school girl wants that.  Maybe shes different,  an she aint all hung up on material shit, but i doubt it."

Not true.  If you meet a girl with a car, she could care less if you have one.  Just be real with her.  Say "Hey, I don't have a car, I wish I did." that's all you have to say, they do NOT care. Promise.

"I have few friends b/c of who i am.  When i moved from queens to hicksville.  it was a different world.  I was called a wigger for tha 1st time.  A couple of years passed an i tried to become some1 i wasnt.  I finally said fuck it,  imma listen to rap,  imma wear my jeans hangin off my ass,  this is what i was raised around but no1 gives a fuck,  im an outcast b/c of it.  I hated livin in hicksville since i first moved out here."

Man, there has GOT to be people like you out there.  Maybe that don't share your same opinions, but at least respect yours.  

"i look at my family.  What did we do to have out dead end up in a wheel chair,  what did we do to have my parents marrage deterioate.  Why did i have to see my dad being crushed to death by a fuckin truck.  I havnt been happy since before his accident.  We relyed on him for imcome,  he owned his own business.  He couldnt work anymore.  We went to living easy to gettin fuckin food stamps.  We fuckin survive off of social security an my moms hefty check (sarcasim)."

Man, I feel ya big on that one.  My dad just died, I can't even see him sitting in that wheel chair anymore, ya know?  Maybe I had it better, because he just left while healthy, and I didn't see him deteriorate.  But check this... My parents were NEVER married, i'm a 'bastard' if you look it up in the dictionary.  My dad's dead, and I loved him more than ANYTHING, EVER, in life.  I used to just trip out talkingto him, I talked to him constantly, and used to think people were nuts for not liking their parents,because I thought my dad was cooler than Hulk Hogan.  My mom's certified insane, she's been committed before.  She contracted cancer, and can't work.  My dad's dead, and can't work, so I support my whole family.  I just got fired monday, so now I don't even have a job.= NO INCOME.  I don't even own my house, because my stepmom won't sign the paperwork to release it.  So I could lose it soon, too.  

The girl I first fell in love with, love of my life, moved to Australia 2 years ago, and isn't coming back, so I can't even marry her.  I never told her before she left, either, I screwed that all up... she probably would have stayed, if I would have tried, but I didn't, and now she's gone.  Her dad died of cancer when she was young, PLUS, he used to beat her and her mom and her brother.  But she still loved him.  She was sexually abused when she was 10 by her friekin' baby sitter.  She had to live homeless on the streets for a few weeks before she moved, because she didn't have anyplace to go.  She even had a supposed 'friend' get her hooked on crack! (he kept giving her joints that were laced, until she was addicted).  That all happened to the girl I loved, you know? I had to feel that crap, too.

The girl I like right now can't get a job because her religion (mine) won't let her work on sunday; so nobody will hire her.  Her dad is also in a wheelchair, he's paralyzed, and hates her religion... so he tells her she's going to hell all the time.  Her parents divorced when she was 10 or so because her daddy used to beat her and her mom when he got drunk.  

But you know what?  I got major problems, but I see through the stuff, and recognize the few GOOD things I have in my life.  It's all a state of mind, man... I refuse to let any of that crap get me down, and I think you could agree, that I have a LOT of stuff aiming against me.  I ain't even gonna stumble though, I'll take more if god wants to give it to me.  The girl that moved to Australia?  She never let any, any of that crap get to her either, she was always happy, always helped me anyway she could, and was probably the realest person I've ever met, just a straight-up angel from god.  The girl I like now?  She's awesome, totally real, and has grown so much over all that crap she puts up with, she laughs at her problems, it's unbelievable.  She's like a role model of mine, or something, unbelievable.

So what I'm saying man, is, for some reason, and we don't know why, God does this to people.  There's nothing you can do about it, BUT, you can change how it affects you, ya know?  You can change your attitude.  You have a negative attitude about it, you're lettin' it get you down, and you have a ton of stuff goin' on, but man, I think you'd agree i'm qualified to know where you're comin' from.  Just don't sweat that Sh*t man, and get over it, you'll grow out of this, and then, you'll be able to handle ANYTHING.  Just focus on the positive.  Peace~ Love~

John Lennon:

"When the rain comes, they'll run and hide their head.
They might as well be dead, when the rain comes.

When the sun shines, they'll slip into the shade.
They'll sit their lives away, when the sun shines

Rain, Rain, Rain, I don't mind.
Shine, Shine, Shine, the weather's fine."
 

infinite59

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2002, 09:24:39 PM »
I offer you 2 poems I wrote spring of my senoir year, so you know, I'm with you dogg........I've been there.....and also a poem from 2pac.


****************************************

Overwhelmed by Anger-(Infinite-Spring 2000)

I'm so fuckin mad right now/
I could fuckin pound/
A punk bitch to the ground/
Quicker than I could stick my dick/
So far in that bitches mouth/
Till she bites down/
And cum starts coming out/
At about that time/
I'm robbin everything that's yours/
And making it mine/
Hates coming out my poors/
In the form of pimples/
As I steal back a symbol/
Of what we once had/
And tell your dad/
To test my bad-ass/
And recieve nothing less than/
A blown chest plate/
And a sealed fate/
before the born on date/
Your life's in expiration/
Facin my hot temper/
Boiling at 900 degree's/
Spilling over and causing disease infested maleria/
And mass hysteria/
for your family/
And anyone else comin to test me/
I got a death wish/
I keep on top of my kill list/
Listing all possible stabbings/
Purse snatchings and armed robberies/
A sprit that doesn't breathe soon breaks/
Intakes too much selfishness/
To forsake a pennies worth of forgiveness/
needed to succeed in such conditions/
Sick of regular shit I deal with/
I see peace lying ahead/
Save my soul before my soul be dead!

****************************

Confused Nation- (Infinite- spring 2000)

Death! Death! Death!
Yeah I said it/
Depressed! Depressed! Depressed!
Yeah I meant it/
Why must we hide our feelings in silence/
And dark corners/
I was born into this world/
Without asking/
And then you get mad
When I'm not acting?
Like shit is all good/
As if I should/
just put up a front/
When what I really want/
Is to take all the drunks/
and force them to confront/
They're obstacles/
Without turning to the bottle/
or turning on the sports channel
And yelling BRAVO!/
Let's take a look at tommarow/
All I see is sorrow/
More incidents/
Like the one in COLORADO/
More adolescents/
Getting caught up in/
A system/
that tells them nothing different/
Then shut the fuck up and listen/
Do what your told/
grow old, and die/
Never questioning why?
What's going on?
Here's a six pack/
Soon your problems will be gone/
Shout goes out to my dad Tom/
and to my Mom/
Leave the pills in the cabinet/
just cause the law tells you it's okay to have them/
It's still drug abuse/
whether you admit it or not/
And I've noticed you've been
having it alot/
Causing you to flip out/
At any given moment/
Control your shit and get ahold of it/
FUCK IT/
WHY TRY/
THERE'S A KNIFE/
HERE'S MY WRISTS/
SLIT!!!!!

****************************************

2pac Shakur- Sometimes I Cry- from when he was 18

Sometimes when I'm alone/
I cry because I'm on my own/
The tears I cry are bitter and warm/
They flow with life but take no form/
I cry because my heart is torn/
And I find it difficult to carry on/
If I had an ear 2 confide in/
I would cry among my treasured friends/
But who do you know that stops that long/
to help another carry on/
The world moves to fast and it would rather pass you by/
Than 2 stop and see what makes you cry/
It's painful and sad and sometimes I cry/
and no one cares about why.

********************************************
 

DJ_Jay_Deee

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2002, 10:03:21 PM »
Ur not the only one bro, ur life sounds very similar to mine, but we live on different sides of the world. At the moment i'm depressed and angry 24-7. My only escape from life is alcohol. People who i thought were my freinds are fakes and dont give a shit about me. But i'm sorting all that shit out at the moment. Luckily ive still got some REAL friends that can help me get through these hard times. Keep ya head up Homie.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

TheSheriff

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2002, 02:47:11 AM »
I feel you man, that's all I gotta say.

Owen
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

'Illicit'

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2002, 04:09:09 AM »
Sup
I may not know you, but I feel the issues you've addressed. I can't relate to everything, but about being depressed and stuff, I feel ya. All I can say and hope for is that everything turns out good for you bro. It will eventually, but unfortunately you don't know when, until then: Keep Ya Head Up.

peace, one love
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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Sub-Z

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2002, 10:49:08 AM »
Quote
I feel you man, that's all I gotta say.


« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Now_Im_Not_Banned

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2002, 12:42:48 PM »
I was trying to tell him...


He feels like hes the only one whos depressed, he thinks everyone else lives a life like in the movies...almost everybody is depressed like u at times, shit...dont feel so bad for yourself, you think if you had money it would be any different?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Tecknine

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2002, 04:43:47 PM »
shit is similar to me...I was the same..Sometimes i get depressed like and i wild out..But i keep my head up and get through it.You can add me to the list...I understand that some hoes are obsessed with material shit.Those girls are the people i stay away from.I used to feel the same way as you..I didn't have many friends or girlfriends.But i changed around and i kept my head up and found a beautiful girl who understands me anddoes not care that i live in a trailer or i don't play football and im not the most popular guy.She doesn't care about my fucked up childhood when my dad was a robber and stole 1 million dollors of gold and me robbing a guy at knifepoint straight up to his neck.Or that i was on probation when i was 12 years old..ANd my poin t is shit does turn around keep ya head up
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

budsmokeronly

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2002, 04:57:38 PM »
Yo Tom I feel ya on some shit.  I used to think that I had so much bad luck.  All kinds of bad shit was happening to me and I was really pissed off and shit.  All my life it has seemed like a bunch of bad luck has come my way.  But then I realised that I am actually a very lucky person.  I was born in USA, in California, and have lived my whole life in California.  Just about a half a year ago I really realised how lucky I am just because of that.  Think about how many hundreds of millions of people are born in 3rd world countries, poor and starving and shit.  Think about how lucky you are to be livin in the US instead of some place like afghanastan.  I am not gonna get into all the things that people take for granted but are actually very lucky to have.  There are way too many examples to list.  Point is you got to look at what you got going for you, and do something with that.  All that bad shit that is going on in your life, like people are sayin, bad shit happens to everyone.  Like dpg says Shit Happenz.  Happens to everyone.  BAd as you think your life is, there are 100's of millions of people who are worse off than you.  Take advantage of what u got.  You are the only one who can make your life better.  You can't sit around and think about how bad it is, you gotta do something about it.

Peace
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Suga Foot

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2002, 05:44:03 PM »
Code: [Select]
Take advantage of what u got

I can't say I know how you feel, but here's what I think: you have to look beyond all the bad things in you life and look at what you got going for you.  You siad you used to play baseball, you should try doin something in that perfession.  Tryin to make it pro is vurtually impossible (believe me I tried), there are many other baseball related jobs other than playing.  This may bring you hapiness I dunno, that's just what I think.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

HBKid_Jr

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2002, 05:56:29 PM »
Quote
I was trying to tell him...


He feels like hes the only one whos depressed, he thinks everyone else lives a life like in the movies...almost everybody is depressed like u at times, shit...dont feel so bad for yourself, you think if you had money it would be any different?

its easy 4 some1 to say that when there loaded like u say u r an allegedly get as much pussy as u.  Its a lot deeper than jus material pocessions.  A lot more indept.  Since age 11 my life has gone down hill in almost every way
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

CantCme213

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2002, 08:25:24 AM »
wassup Tom

I didnt know that so many people got like the same problem

I had to change school 4 times in the last fuckin 3 years >:(

I lost many good homies , and the school which I am now on
is soo fucked.

Like in my class, I mean everybody is actin like a clown,
and because of that they get so many girls .

and in my class there is this one strong dude , and everybody
are on his nutts because they fear him.

Just like Jay deee alcohol and weed is my escape from the real
life
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Joachim

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2002, 01:58:04 PM »
Ayo Tom, ive been there homie, the poverty line aint a cool place to be, especially with depression, i feel you. But one piece of advice from me to you bro, is alot of the shit that happens in life is outta your hands, so its mad important that you remain in control of the shit that is in your hands, ya feel, cause if you aint in control of your own shit, and you cant control other shit that happens in life, then you have no control, for real, remain composed homie...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2002, 06:14:39 PM »
Oh, yeah, I forgot i went to 12 different schools when I was younger :)

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

DreSnoop00

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Re: i gotta get some shit off my chest
« Reply #16 on: April 08, 2002, 02:49:02 PM »
yeah man, a lot of people have it bad too, but just check this:
i get mad sometimes too, but not like ur describing, just barely sometymes, but look, when u get mad about something just think and let it slide no matter what, and try and do things u like, get involved and stuff, try and be nice to everyone no matter what, see how that turns out
but like try not to get mad and just like be more happy, try and talk to more people and see what happens
well thats all i can say
peace
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »