Author Topic: Roleplay Vol.1 (D-Stress as A crip) FEEDBACK PLEASE (Read 158 times)

D-Stress · « **on:** March 27, 2008, 07:48:09 AM »

Stay up for my other roleplay-rhyme-poems.this time im rappin as a crip.

im blued up like a blue brother whatcha gon do
got blue bandana on and i rock my blue chucks too
watch the fire burn and mac-11`s spit
fuck slob bitches, i put them on my dick
C me, c-walkin on da c-side with my BK-shirt
never stop puttin in work, straight doin dirt
my set is my fam im stuck in this street life
reppin green fo da money, reppin blue for life
everyday is a struggle, live by the knife
robbin liquor stores, is an everyday thang
i got nowhere to go, thats why im steady bangin
bangin the true, the blue, call me mr. red rag killer
g´d up from head to toe, im real blood spiller
fuck wit me and get your head bust open
we blue up the city from NY to Oakland
c´s up worldwide, blue rags on the left side
see my in my chucks and blue low-low, dippin
beware all the b-dogs, if a g catch em sleepin´
creep wit my crips, slice up bloods´ throats
only blood you will see is comin out bloods´throats
4 deep in my chevy, my 64 impala,
another slob lost his life, anotha g, makin dollars
too many wankstas try to copy the style
it´s crip, the cix, til they day die
step to me and watch the slob mamas cryin
drive-byin´while i smoke on the reefa
how many of your homies, are six feet deep,huh?
quit bangin mofuckas if ya can´t do it right
catch ya c-walkin and itz gon be a bloodbath every damn night
this is „dedicated“ to all the net-g´s and net-thugs
suck this dick bitch and lick this muthafuckin nuts.

D-Stress · « **Reply #1 on:** March 27, 2008, 03:06:33 PM »

yeah i know "another net banger post" but no it ain´t.i just wrote the piece from view of crip.thats why i called it "roleplay vol.1", i will write more stuff but not the gangsta stuff, i wanna do diferent "roleplay" every day.so plz feeback

D-Stress · « **Reply #2 on:** March 30, 2008, 05:44:10 AM »

whats up ppl?

D-Stress · « **Reply #3 on:** March 30, 2008, 08:58:36 AM »

feedback pls

TraceOneInfinite Flat Earther 96' · « **Reply #4 on:** March 30, 2008, 10:58:06 PM »

you had a nice rhyme scheme going there for a few bars, like when you rhymed "smoke a reefa" with "six feet deep, huh".

I like the idea of role playing because I think it will help improve you as a keystyler.

My only complaint would be that this verse was too cliché, just because it's a crip verse doesn't mean you have to use "blue" and "c" in every line, we get it that your a crip, we don't have to be constantly reminded. This verse was very generic, you could have brought some flavor by writing from the perspective of a crip on trial, or a crip in prison, or made it a testament to Tookie or something like that...

I look forward to reading your volume 2. peace.