Author Topic: First time writing  (Read 239 times)

-OG-NiUS-

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First time writing
« on: June 03, 2008, 09:30:35 AM »
I randomly got the urge to write...so I did. I wrote it to a beat and it flows over that but I'm not sure what it will sound like when it's just read. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it.

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King of my mind, I be sitting on the throne,
by writing this, I've been taken to another zone,
now I've drifted far, indulging in reminiscence,
back when love...was our very essence,
when we first met, you were living life in a daze,
sleepwalking through days of life's endless maze,
wake up and be aware, that it's just a nightmare,
'cause “us” is a new day where I'll always be there,
it took time, but now she's stripped of insecurities,
now she bathes, in the stream of pure beauty,
looking in her eyes and through her soul I fly,
laws of gravity defied, for her I die, 'cause I
conquered the land of seeing her imperfections,
and still wanna head in the same direction,
but I'm sorry, fate won't give us a fuckin' break,
I can't lie girl, I got a confession to make.


Woken by the noise of loud banging at my door,
took the heat out the drawer now I'm ready for war,
opened up to your stepfather, drunk as hell,
he asked where you were then he started to yell,
first I tell him to leave and next second he flipped,
he pushed his way in and he's still talking shit,
I try to remain calm, don't wanna do him no harm,
but that all changed right when he grabbed my arm,
gripping me with the hands he used to put on you,
meaning my fist to his face was long over due,
situation so surreal, now my gun ain't concealed,
he took a swing, so I split his face with the steel,
now before me he kneels, justice be so divine,
as he admits that if he could go back in time,
he'd still hurt you and have his way with you,
so I let the nine millimetre spray for you,


My confession...I am a life taker,
I've got no regrets so when I meet my maker,
I'll tell Him that I don't want his forgiveness,
'cause I'd do it again and I'd still feel guiltless,
but now that you know that I am a life stealer,
can you look at me the same, knowing I'm a killer?
and for this, I can understand if we're through,                                           
but looking at peace, she simply whispered “thank you”

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Thanks for reading.  :)
 

TraceOneInfinite Flat Earther 96'

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Re: First time writing
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2008, 03:15:11 AM »
For your first time writing, that looked really proffesional.  Because it told a captivating story, and all flowed well, and finished strong.  Much props, keep postin...

And also, I want to encourage you to sign up to see if you can get spotlighted in our first "feature battle".  Click the link below if your interested.

http://www.dubcnn.com/connect/index.php?topic=182750.0
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M Dogg™

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Re: First time writing
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2008, 03:19:05 PM »
first time writing... and that good... you must have bitten someone. Just post up your source, and give it up dogg. 'cause I highly doubt that's your first rhyme.
 

-OG-NiUS-

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Re: First time writing
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2008, 06:46:47 AM »
For your first time writing, that looked really proffesional.  Because it told a captivating story, and all flowed well, and finished strong.  Much props, keep postin...

And also, I want to encourage you to sign up to see if you can get spotlighted in our first "feature battle".  Click the link below if your interested.

http://www.dubcnn.com/connect/index.php?topic=182750.0

Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback. In fairness, I did write this over the course of a few nights, so it's not like I just banged out in a ten minutes.

I would enter that competition but I'm busy with exams for the next month so I'll give it a miss for now. And plus I wouldn't know how to battle someone without knowing anything about them.  So basically, I'd find battling a username really hard.

first time writing... and that good... you must have bitten someone. Just post up your source, and give it up dogg. 'cause I highly doubt that's your first rhyme.

Haha, thanks. That's the ultimate respect right there.  :)