Author Topic: Different Style of rhyme  (Read 119 times)

Reef

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Different Style of rhyme
« on: August 15, 2002, 08:51:21 AM »
Dunno wot to make of this.. lol.. I was ina funny mood when i wrote it.. nothin special.. but drop feedback please..

all i see is 'gangstas' bustin', cussin and fussin/
claimin they 'popped' 9 in a row/
they more interested in the violent content that the way their rhyme flows/
well im here to show thats rhymin fast or slow that we all got somethin we owe/
it could be a life to god or a flame to hell/
but girls poor enough that they using their body to sell/
they cry but the voices echo into the depths of no-where/
cant bare the thought of life anymore/
and she sure that the only way out is suicide/
take a knife to her wrist/
still staring thought the mist into the darkness/
she feels the blade rippin at her bare flesh/
so painful, yet she admits the feelin' is fresh/
shes in distress now, the blood flows down her wrists and hits the pavement/
the rich man stops to watch in amazement/
not taking time to offer help or call for a paramedic/
he stands over he naked body and watches her die/
hes not apologetic, doesnt even pause to cry/
just turns and walks away from reality/
relaises that his buisness has just caused a fataility/
the pimp just laughs and looks for a replacement/
another working-class girl he can lock in the basement/
not feeling no remorse, not knowing the source of death on the streets/
didnt relaising that it was him funding the murderers/
and helpin the dead-beats/
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Maestro Minded

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Re: Different Style of rhyme
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2002, 09:50:58 AM »
some of that old ish you're bringin back...

kinda "dark" rhyme... nice reading
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Reef

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Re: Different Style of rhyme
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2002, 09:17:01 AM »
Uppin for feedback
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Gay-o Felony

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Re: Different Style of rhyme
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2002, 09:52:29 AM »
ayo.. this ryhme is dope, i think it flowed well but i think that your old ryhming scheme works better.. lol.. but i liked the verse!


peace -- indy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
IM GAY IM GAY IM GAY IM GAY.. I LIKE TO USE KARMA TO DISS PEOPLE>>> COZ IM GAY! Elite are so manufactured... lol Elite are so last century.. they played out like my lyrics... Im gay!