A Soldier's Story

[simplicate]

Okay.....this is a song I wrote about a month ago, and I don't know if I'm gonna record it for my album or trash it. Anyway here it is, leave feedback please.
_________________________________________________

1st Verse
(General's verse)
Now pay attention to my every move and everything I say
If you follow me and do this shit my way you might live today
Odds are you won’t survive the night alone so stay out of sight
I might have the dignity and the harmony to be polite but don’t push me
Anyone related to bush annoys me, just the thought of living destroys me
Anyway I got some questions I need answered please listen to me
Does anyone even believe in giving? Does anyone give a fuck about living?
Does the way you sing really affect my mood swing?
It’s all bullshit, our whole economy is based on the mind of a midget
Everything we know that’s legit is nothing more then a single digit
I’ll let my words jingle just to see if they’ll label me as a juvenile delinquent
I’ll hook my jumper cable up to grandmother’s head just to be labeled explicit
Just to get back what’s rightfully mine, something called time
Yeah you’ve been thoughtfully lied to for years and it’s not even a crime
As far as your concerned I fought and died for your pride
That I provide happy thoughts and inside decide how to stride
Ha, I’m here to tell you today I ain’t here to abide by no more rules
I’m here to present the truth and strike fear in the hearts of fools
I’ve got spirit to survive any frontier, I’m the one who makes hope appear
My whole career I’ve persevered and still take shit from fags claimin to be sincere
It’s time for you to look in the mirror and listen up as I show you the life
That would make copper glisten and make diamonds crumble with a knife
Ladies and gentlemen……this is a soldiers story

This is a soldiers story
(A soldiers story)
Of all the lives you sacrificed
(A soldiers story)
Close your eyes
And hear a soldiers story

2nd Verse
(Soldier on the battlefield rapping)
It’s ten minutes past eight I’m a nervous wreck just trying to escape fate
I put my life back in check and always expect the worse when I’m irate
I hear hoarse thunders as gunshots black the battle field
The smoke rises and bodies plunder as the enemy has been revealed
Dreadful thoughts concealed, I run into battle armed with a sword and shield
I see my friends die right in front of my eyes and realize this isn’t a dream
I scream drastically and practically stumble but never fall cuz I’m part of a team
I’m stabbed by a sword and feel my spleen torn look down and see a red stream
I’ve been hurt but I’m not about to give up, I gotta get up it’s not what it seems
I reign supreme when I get revenge and avenge my friends death to tha extreme
Still I’m not ready to leave the scene, for what pride is left the pain is twice than
God damn this wasn’t the game plan, I was being outwitted before I began
I forbid the thought of surrender and render my wrath to anyone in my path
Doesn’t matter the gender, I’m killin any man or woman in the enemy suit
I salute the fallen soldiers as I run off in pursuit of another enemy recruit
21 gun salute as I’m dressed in plaid jeans and boots
We may have won this battle, but will we continue to prevail?
Will we make it as far as Seattle or will we be slaughter like cattle and fail
I feel frail as I stay up late and eat stale food trying to remember every last detail
I look in the bunks of my friend’s beds and see them empty
I wonder to myself, Am I monster in disguise? Or is it just myself I despise
I’ve got blood in my eyes, Never once did I get to say my final good-byes
This war shit really does take you by surprise……..

This is a soldiers story
(A soldiers story)
Of all the lives you sacrificed
(A soldiers story)
Close your eyes
And hear a soldiers story

3rd Verse

It’s July 4th, 500 days past the birth of this war
I’ve been captured now, no longer can I explore anymore
I lie quietly and hear footsteps at my door the sounds I can’t ignore
My heart pounds as suddenly I’m surrounded but still I have no fear
I’m then taken outside where I hear my pride will be taken at the frontier
I shed no tears as I’m tied up ready to be executed
Then I think my life all goes back to the day I was recruited
If only I hadn’t acted so phony and stayed back and disputed
Would I still be here now? Would I still be here ready to be killed now?
Or would god have filled my destiny differently for me
I’m asked if I have any final words before I die and all I do is smile
I’ve always been hostile, and still think being a solder is worthwhile
I hear guns being loaded and cocked all this talk was real
Suddenly I’m shot over and over it feels like steel as my skin peals
The pain is unbarring as they shoot me without caring but still I don’t squeal
I fall to my knees and continue to bleed as the gunshots finally cease
Finally I release my last breath and realize there can never be peace
But today I died a death you can only hope for
Today, I died a soldiers death…….

Peace

[bez]

I felt the 2nd verse alot, it seemed to be real and I can imagine thats what soliders do think of when in the battlefield.  I think me and you are alike in are writing, we seem to use simple words and just stick to the point,  as in your song I think the word me was used a bit to much and I think all verses where a bit to long and got a bit boring to read half way thru. Stil tho very nice shit, I did enjoy reading it and it seemed real but a bit long.

[simplicate]

Thanks for the feedback.

Peace