The offensive joke thread.

[jeromechickenbone]

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

lmaoooo whata fag u must be, I didnt even get offended at those women jokes but analyzing them from a psychological point of view was fucking funny LMAO! Thats pretty much how it starts..  did u notice that PRETTY MUCH ALL ur jokes were about women? everyone else has a little variety but u just blast out lol

It's an offensive joke thread, no need for deep psychological analysis.  Where's your analysis on all the racist jokes?

[Not Likely]

What do you call a nigger with a peg leg?
Shit on a stick!

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads!

What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime!

Why did God give niggers big dicks?
As a way to say "sorry" for putting pubes on their heads!

Why was white chocolate invented?
So nigger kids could get messy too!

What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
An Ethiopian!

What did God say when he made the first nigger?
Oops! I put the pubes on his head!

lol im not racist btw

How do you know if a chink robbed your house? 
Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway!

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips


What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork

Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.


Enough lol

Paul won it with this post. LOL

[Kool Beenz]

a man had 20.00 and he wanted some pussy so he went down to the local whore place to get some.He asked the first girl how much she charged she sid 40 and he asked the next girl she siad 40 so he kept going down and finally he gets to this stall with this old lady in it and he says hiow much and she says 20 so he goes in and puts it in and he goes this is not good and she goes go away a minute and I wil make it feel like young pussy and so he turns his back and after a few seconds she says come here and he turns around and sticks himself in her again and he goes this feels good what did you do?

she says pick the scabs and let the pus run.............

ive never heard a sicker joke in my life...

you must be talking from a life experience

[_That_Cracka_J]

The Audacity Joke


This guy's going at it hard, hitting that pussy missionary and beating that shit up.  Then he flips her around and hits it doggystyle.  He glances down at that tight asshole and decides he's going to get him some anal.  He quickly thrusts his dick in and moves in and out before she scoots forward and exclaims, "Where the hell do you get that audacity to stick it in my ass?"  The man replies, "Where the hell does a 4 year old learn the word audacity?"

[Paul]

The Audacity Joke


This guy's going at it hard, hitting that pussy missionary and beating that shit up.  Then he flips her around and hits it doggystyle.  He glances down at that tight asshole and decides he's going to get him some anal.  He quickly thrusts his dick in and moves in and out before she scoots forward and exclaims, "Where the hell do you get that audacity to stick it in my ass?"  The man replies, "Where the hell does a 4 year old learn the word audacity?"

 

[Blood$]

The Audacity Joke


This guy's going at it hard, hitting that pussy missionary and beating that shit up.  Then he flips her around and hits it doggystyle.  He glances down at that tight asshole and decides he's going to get him some anal.  He quickly thrusts his dick in and moves in and out before she scoots forward and exclaims, "Where the hell do you get that audacity to stick it in my ass?"  The man replies, "Where the hell does a 4 year old learn the word audacity?"

OMG... ROFL

that's grimey

[Kool Beenz]

one time a girl told me she wanted to do something dirty to me so she sucked my dick, licked my balls all the way to my ass crack and started eating out my ass... then she kissed me in the mouth 

no offensive just dirty as fuck lol

[westsiderider323]

The Audacity Joke


This guy's going at it hard, hitting that pussy missionary and beating that shit up.  Then he flips her around and hits it doggystyle.  He glances down at that tight asshole and decides he's going to get him some anal.  He quickly thrusts his dick in and moves in and out before she scoots forward and exclaims, "Where the hell do you get that audacity to stick it in my ass?"  The man replies, "Where the hell does a 4 year old learn the word audacity?"

haha wow

[_That_Cracka_J]

This little girl walks into the bathroom where her mother is taking a shower.  She pulls the curtain back and steps in with her.  As she looks up at her mom's breasts she asks, "Mommy, when do I get THOSE?"  Her mother laughs and replies, "Honey, you're too young to worry about that, now let mommy finish her shower so she can go to work."  Half an hour goes by and the little girl walks into the bathroom again, this time her father is in the shower.  She steps inside with him and looks up at his penis and asks, "Daddy, when do I get THAT?"  Her father quickly replies, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."


       

[Þŕiņçë]

This little girl walks into the bathroom where her mother is taking a shower.  She pulls the curtain back and steps in with her.  As she looks up at her mom's breasts she asks, "Mommy, when do I get THOSE?"  Her mother laughs and replies, "Honey, you're too young to worry about that, now let mommy finish her shower so she can go to work."  Half an hour goes by and the little girl walks into the bathroom again, this time her father is in the shower.  She steps inside with him and looks up at his penis and asks, "Daddy, when do I get THAT?"  Her father quickly replies, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."


       

hahahahahah ohhh my god. I feel bad for laughing at that 

[.:DaYg0sTyLz:.]

This little girl walks into the bathroom where her mother is taking a shower.  She pulls the curtain back and steps in with her.  As she looks up at her mom's breasts she asks, "Mommy, when do I get THOSE?"  Her mother laughs and replies, "Honey, you're too young to worry about that, now let mommy finish her shower so she can go to work."  Half an hour goes by and the little girl walks into the bathroom again, this time her father is in the shower.  She steps inside with him and looks up at his penis and asks, "Daddy, when do I get THAT?"  Her father quickly replies, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."


       

hahahahahah ohhh my god. I feel bad for laughing at that 

How do you make a 6 yr old girl cry twice?
-fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick off on her teddy bear...

[Blood$]

^ LMFAO!