Author Topic: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be  (Read 430 times)

infinite59

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Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« on: January 07, 2002, 03:35:49 PM »
Today I was driving, listening to "All Eyez On Me" my favorite album from jr. high... I happened to drive by my jr. high school, and I was thinking about how much different life is at 19, from what I thought it would be like at 14.

When I was a kid in school, everyone knew me, and noticed what I did, I started to develop an unrealistic view of the world.  I didn't really picture the world in a large perspective as in trillions of people.  It was all about what I was doing, and where I lived, as if that was the world.

Now I'm an adult.  And the world doesn't know me.  And doesn't notice the things that I do.  You begin to realize that you are just one human, one homosapien, out of the trillions and trillions that have inhabited earth for millions and millions of years.

I think many, myself included, struggle in the transition from boy, teenager, to man, realizing that they are no longer as important in the grand scheme of things as they once imagined.

Some people take this realization and think, I ain't shit, this world is so big, and I ain't shit, I'm just nobody from nowhere.  

Fortunately however, I have learned that I am a child of God's, (Allah's) Creation, Earth.  And that one day, my physical life will come to an end and I will 'bind back' with the creation, the Earth, God, Allah.  That we are all one large unit living under a grand design, and striving for excellence as a whole rather then individually.  One Love, One Nation, One God the Creator, Allah the most high.

Therefore I strive to play my part on earth and enjoy the beauty of god's design.  Life is an eternal struggle for the human aspect of our existence is weak.  I ask that Allah giudes us on the straight path.  The path of which rivers flow beneath us, and love and beauty surrounds.  And I ask that if I fall, he continues to breathe the breath of life, filling my lungs with hope that I can once again succeed.  One life, One love, One God (Allah), One Nation.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

HBKid_Jr

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2002, 03:39:35 PM »
Quote
Today I was driving, listening to "All Eyez On Me" my favorite album from jr. high... I happened to drive by my jr. high school, and I was thinking about how much different life is at 19, from what I thought it would be like at 14.

When I was a kid in school, everyone knew me, and noticed what I did, I started to develop an unrealistic view of the world.  I didn't really picture the world in a large perspective as in trillions of people.  It was all about what I was doing, and where I lived, as if that was the world.

Now I'm an adult.  And the world doesn't know me.  And doesn't notice the things that I do.  You begin to realize that you are just one human, one homosapien, out of the trillions and trillions that have inhabited earth for millions and millions of years.

I think many, myself included, struggle in the transition from boy, teenager, to man, realizing that they are no longer as important in the grand scheme of things as they once imagined.




so your finally starting to lose your ideals
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Luni

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2002, 03:41:27 PM »
that waz some deep shit there, i feel ya on that.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Doggystylin

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2002, 03:49:12 PM »
yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2002, 03:58:13 PM »
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so your finally starting to lose your ideals


Explain yourself...... But honestly, I know exactly what you meant by your little comment.  Your trying to suggest that because I'm religous, I've forgotten everything I'm about, that I've forgotten my individual self, and that I'm conforming to something that I am not....... but your completely wrong, and short-sighted.  For I now have more confidence, that I am a part of God's design and creation, and that gives my life added importance, and gives me the motivation to add my own individual mark on this world, and do my part as a citizen of the world.

We all have an essence that is unique, something to add to the grand scheme of things.  And you can lose sight of that very easily.  If you forget your place in the world.  
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2002, 04:02:03 PM »
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yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this


thanks patna
 

HBKid_Jr

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2002, 04:27:39 PM »
nah,  i wasnt thinkin about your religious beliefs,  u were talkin about how nobody notices you now,  an how you half to just live your life.  As kids an in our teen years we all have dreams of makin a difference in tha world,  we care what others think,  an question society.  As we get older we realize that nobody really notices us except for a select few,  we stop caring what other people think an just go on living our lives.  Our ambition to change tha world decreases.  Now some people either react negativly to this transistion or in a positive manner, from your post it looks as if you are looking at your future manhood wit a postive light through religion
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Dogg_Pound_Gangsta

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2002, 08:04:47 PM »
sheit i feel ya on this one dogg.  im 18 and i noticed the same shit.  dont nobody care wut the fuck u doin ne more.  but oh well i guess being and adult is better than being in school still. 8)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

bLaDe HeLi[X]

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2002, 08:51:02 PM »
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yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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ToNe1904

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2002, 09:41:29 PM »
I dont believe, that no one cares what u are doing when u become an adult. Only that, when youre a kid...u constantly have people who look over u. parents, teachers, etc. once u become an adult, you are truly your OWN person. u have to be responsible for YOURself. true there are laws n such that u have tah follow. but ultimately it is yur decision. so that makes u feel as if no one cares. really they do, they jus arent a constant influence on your choices. i sumtimes i wish i was BACK in my high school yrz tah be honest. i mean, even when i was in high school....i knew that, those yrs were gonna be the easiest. n getting older only provez it. but its all good. u cant focus on tha past, only tha future.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2002, 01:33:11 AM »
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nah,  i wasnt thinkin about your religious beliefs,  u were talkin about how nobody notices you now,  an how you half to just live your life.  As kids an in our teen years we all have dreams of makin a difference in tha world,  we care what others think,  an question society.  As we get older we realize that nobody really notices us except for a select few,  we stop caring what other people think an just go on living our lives.  Our ambition to change tha world decreases.  Now some people either react negativly to this transistion or in a positive manner, from your post it looks as if you are looking at your future manhood wit a postive light through religion


Aiight I feel what your saying homie... I still want to change the world... the difference is in highschool I was confused.. and didn't know exactly what it was I was rebelling against.. but now I have knowledge on certain things, and understand why I was so upset at the world growing up, and I'm learning smarter and more organized ways of dealing with it.. and making a difference.... But Rome wasn't biult in a day.. And it's a slow process... I have to constantly remind myself to remain patient..... peace.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2002, 01:34:14 AM »
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yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this


Thanks.. And I respect both ya'll back equally.
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2002, 08:16:21 AM »
Yeah I'm away 2 turn 17 but I already know life ain't gonna be the same as a child or as it is now in 2 yrs and that's if I get there...ya know....2 attempted suicides and for Jan 1st '02 I went around lookin for pills to take an overdose then in that unsuccessful attempt I went looking for some rope to hang myself but again was unsuccessful so I had to sit and toast the new year to myself in a state of depression. THat's why I am making an album. To let my feelings out and see if I can get through this depression. And I mean I know ppl can say "ah depression, saying ya wanna get through it then how hard can that be" or "how can you be depressed"...but man if ya been suicidal ya'll know how hard it is to turn the corner.

Peace ~1~
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

lee

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2002, 08:56:45 AM »
what ! lemme get this straight .. u'd tryed to commit sucicide last week ??? don't do it ... i mean its not all that bad if u think about it .. i mean u should try anything b4 u kill urself .. like maybe leave where u live .. and live with a relative or something .. or change schools .. or even leave school if it comes to that.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2002, 09:22:16 AM »
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what ! lemme get this straight .. u'd tryed to commit sucicide last week ??? don't do it ... i mean its not all that bad if u think about it .. i mean u should try anything b4 u kill urself .. like maybe leave where u live .. and live with a relative or something .. or change schools .. or even leave school if it comes to that.


5 mins after the bells rang on BBC1 I tried to commit suicide. Only knows that I have serious problems, I mean even my mom and dad don't know cos I can't talk to them about it, I don't want them watching me 24/7.......also I can't go live with no relative.....cos at least half of my family are all arguing with each other and I've been thrown into the conflict for no reason so I got sum members talking to me and sum not....and wot split us...money....cos half of them are rich and a bunch of snobs and half of them are middle-class or lower-class (as they would say) so that where it happen.

I don't wanna leave skool/change skool becos that is the only place I am happy (most of the time) and if I left skool it would only leave me with more time on my hands to sttart thinkin about my next suicide attempt. 2 times already have failed and my parents don't even know that I tried it twice only this one friend that I can trust (or well I fink I can ie we have fallen out in the past).

Life just don't seem the worth living and there seems to be no point and no...eh light at the end of the tunnel for me....also I fink it is basically my life in general that is fucked me up. Got nothing going for me and no love life (that the fuckin bitch fate) and I mean I'm like probably suicidal at leat 75% of the time I am in my house.

Peace ~1~
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

lee

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #15 on: January 08, 2002, 09:33:56 AM »
Quote





Life just don't seem the worth living and there seems to be no point and no...eh light at the end of the tunnel for me...

Peace ~1~



Nah .. theres always some way to crete a light at the end .. i mean u say u like school .. so maybe u could follow that up .. with something esle .. like for exsample if u like english at school .. u could go to extra classes after school or whatever .. or go to a liberary to read etc .. u know what i mean ?
and if ur depressed that much i suggest u go to councelling or something.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #16 on: January 08, 2002, 09:54:46 AM »
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Yeah I'm away 2 turn 17 but I already know life ain't gonna be the same as a child or as it is now in 2 yrs and that's if I get there...ya know....2 attempted suicides and for Jan 1st '02 I went around lookin for pills to take an overdose then in that unsuccessful attempt I went looking for some rope to hang myself but again was unsuccessful so I had to sit and toast the new year to myself in a state of depression. THat's why I am making an album. To let my feelings out and see if I can get through this depression. And I mean I know ppl can say "ah depression, saying ya wanna get through it then how hard can that be" or "how can you be depressed"...but man if ya been suicidal ya'll know how hard it is to turn the corner.

Peace ~1~


Yeah, I like what you said about turning the corner that was deep... Just keep spittin and doing your album... try to hold it (suicide) off as much as possible... then eventually you might not want to do it... just try to be patient homie.. peace
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #17 on: January 08, 2002, 10:07:30 AM »
N-Imy......We don't know each other, but I really hope you read this, and maybe think about it.
I don't actually know what to say without coming off like I'm "preaching" to you, which I'm definately NOT.
Obviously , you are VERY down, and have specific family issues too. I hope you won't be offended if I say maybe you could at least think about seeing a councellor, or a doctor. You know, some people are more prone to this kind of feeling, but it can be "dealt with" with want of a better phrase.
I know there must be some very painful things going on in your life right now, but believe me, in time these will pass.
There's a limit to how much I could go into here, but maybe I could just say this;
No matter how bad you feel now, please don't give up, it WILL pass.
Try to avoid negative situations and people when you are low.
This is includes overly depressing music LOL (I'm NOT making light of this, I'm speaking from experience)
Try to fill your time as constructively as you can, Lee was spot on in the post above.
And do, really, think about talking to someone about it.
You'll be alright, my thoughts are with you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2002, 10:10:51 AM »
dawg luk at it like this, if ya commit suicide, what gonna happen next? ya dont know right? it cud be some gud shit or it cud be worse than whats happenin in ya life at the moment, ya get me? so dawg, keep graftin n strugglin ya way outta this hole man cuz it there always light at the end of the tunnel...some tunnels are just nigger than others. i mean ya life me be shitty today, and peeps will tell ya 'well ya neva know whats gonna happen tomorrow' and even though thats true, ya think like, well what could change in one day, well the simple fact is it aint gonna change in a day dawg, it may take a while, but anythin is worse than killin ya self man, theres no point throwin in the towel, we al go through struggles in life, ya just gotta come out on top and if ya try hard enough ya will, trust me. just do the things that keep ya happy, calm peaceful and things should soon get better.......JUST DONT COMMIT SUICIDE MAN!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

LyRiCaL_G

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2002, 10:13:14 AM »
LOLOLOL, I mean some tunnels are bigger than other tunnels.not some tunnels are nigger than other tunnels!!!lol
shit that was funny readin it back to myself
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Sub-Z

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2002, 11:02:28 AM »
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yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2002, 11:07:24 AM »
^^ Yeah, I was wonderin'.   I thought you were saying some tunnels are darker than others, LOL... god... ^^^

Yeah, N-Imy, lots of good advice on this thread.  I've got a psychology degree, so if you ever wanna talk about it, gimme a buzz online screen name "TheyCallMeTrauma".  

Just remember, if you commit suicide, they won, you know.  You gotta fight back, be a man, stand tall and overcome your obstacles.  You can do it.  Brother I just lost my dad, who I loved more than anybody alive in april, and i'm right here, and I ain't goin' nowhere.  You can do the same thing.  Good luck, man.  
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #22 on: January 08, 2002, 12:03:14 PM »
thanx for the advice ya'll, I appreciate and I will try to use it and keep my head up.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your father Trauma. RIP

Peace ~1~
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

infinite59

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #23 on: January 08, 2002, 01:24:37 PM »
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yo infinite deep shit there couldnt agree and feel ya more......i respect even more everytime u spit knowledge like this


And I respect you back to the same degree
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Adult Life: Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be
« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2015, 04:35:54 PM »
infinite droppin that knowledge brodie