Few poems Im messin with tryin to make it through the night

[Ebony Zebedee]

Produce something positive
Something motivational
Make a vocation outta affirmations
Stead of bein so emotional
People wanna be encouraged
We’re influenced by art
If you cant make it fucking fake it
Adopt a role and play the part
Compliment yourself
You are worthy of love
You did put down the needle
You did get off the drugs
Its possible to succeed even though it seems too tough
Try to correct your bad behaviour
Give thanks to Gods above
Learn something new
Everyday
Develop a broader view
There’s bigger issues in the world than what you’re going through
Count all your good fortune
Share with those in need
Advocate against adversity, corruption, violence, greed
Remeniss about the good times
Think good thoughts everyday
There is no difference between a thought and real event to your brain
Provoke people to react in ways that solve this world of ills
Be selfish for a second and do something healthy for the thrill
Take note of your diet
Take note of vices and desires
Be committed to a betterment
Stop holding on to all the lies
Put the past behind you
Be greatful for the day
Accept the present situation
Then let it float away
Meditate
Move around more stead of sitting still in pain
Challenge the confusion
Dont pay mind to the nasty things they say
Change your mindset
Renew your outlook by looking out beyond
Look toward a new horizon and see how far you’ve come
Be mindful of your elders, peers and family
Not everyone’s against you even though thats how it seems
Value yourself
Be humble
But take pride in all you do
Remember kid
You’re unique
There’s never gonna be another you

[Ebony Zebedee]

Save yaself
Forgive me lord
For nobody forgives me at all
Ive chosen to put the past behind
Just focus on my bogus rhymes
Expressing fear
Utter remorse
They’ve made it clear
I’ll stay the course
But the test is crooked
Means to an end
There are no enemies or friends
Just empty days
Lonely knights
Joan of Arc tried to fight
Am I to compare myself unto a man
Keep changing lanes
Stay where I am
Reverse the role
Forced to play
Keep wishin for a safer day
Triggered all so easily
Ive got the proof
I heard him speak
Easy with the spite and charm
Enough to know I could be harmed
Is there any way out
Im lost
I paid the price
They upped the cost
Extortion is an avenue
So what the fuck am I to do
Just keep on keepin on each day
Try to steer clear of the grave
Be sensible
Try be wise
Try to recognize the damned disguise
Appreciate
Count my lucky stars
Before I lose
Gain fresher scars
Heal the hurt
As best I can
Regardless of the other man
Existing just to see the morn
Born of night
With stars adorned
Admonishing those who’ve come before
Will I survive unscathed
Im so unsure?

[Ebony Zebedee]

I need a distraction from these deamons in my mind
I told him I could hear em
He just stood and smiled
I broke it off
He didn’t care
Said “Second chance”
I didn’t dare
I didn’t know
I still don’t want
Ive got enough
Don’t wanna front
They tell me Im just crazy man
The fact is I know it’s a sham
Always wondering when or why
Im no angel
Ive committed crimes
Ive also been a victim
Still
I feel like prey
Prepare the kill
Intricacies are irrelevant
Details provoke
Chose celibate
Fear motivates my silent hate
Distasteful waste of time and space
Focus on your good fortune
There’s plenty more
Its not just you
Whatever helps you
Try to cope
And no this is not just a joke
But they laugh at it
They thrive on sin
Holier than thou
Dear skin
Leathered heiffers
Swines so sour
Mink furs
Reversed
The blessed cow
Ready for raw
Spelt back to front
Ass over tit
She wants to jump
Into the deep abyss of tears
Where you’ll live out all your wildest fears (This is stupid but I just gotta make it through the night)

[Ebony Zebedee]

Mista sinister callin me sista
Dr Evil eatin people
Wicked wizards
Devilish dons
Pimps of pain
Murderous moms
Where’s the exit?
All the way up there?
Snakes and ladders.
Life is not fair.
Its a simple fact.
Acceptable?
Pay to play.
Reject them all.
How does is feel?
Like yesterday.
Thats pretty much all I got to say.
There’s 20 million slaves in the world.
Im not the only lonely girl.
Are these feelings real?
They’ve said enough.
I reacted.
But Im not that tough.
Is this the darkest web of all?
Is this what you deem ‘beck and call’? Is reality only what you know?
Are vicious rumors all the go?
Do you want for anything?
I need.
But Im pretty sure I wont recieve.
Cruel commitments.
Poisonous psalms.
Worried bout money.
Illegal Arms.
Antagonizing ammo.
Selfish schemes.
I told ya Ebony
In ya dreams

[Ebony Zebedee]

I know Im just a sucka
They want me to bow down
Run n hide
Do or die
Worst reputation in the town
I know Im just a nobody
Don’t want no one payin mind
Cos Im just a sucka
With my nairy lil behind
Got a cheek talkin shit
Shut the fuck up sucka bitch
What?
Ya think ya tough ay?
Eat shit n die u snitch
I know
Im just a sucka
Fell for em more than once
Got my self caught up
And cant hide from all the taunts
I know Im just a sucka
Don’t wanna be a big
Too many people get chewed up and spat out like a pig
Corruption Rules Everything
Everythang’s Corrupt
Its all about the money boo
So sit down and shut up
Just sit there and look pretty
Or what
Too ugly cunt?
Surely theres someone desperate enough to wanna fuck ya
Ya scummy chump
Come on bitch
We the baddest
That’s why we fuck with trash
Cos one mans garbage can be a pot of gold to someone desperate chasin cash
I know Im just a sucka
This the shit they wanna hear
They don’t want your dumbass respect ya mole
They want your fucking fear
So just admit it
You’re a sucka
You got no rights to feel free
Cos they thrive on depriving others
It turns em on you see
In ya dreams bitch
Just a sucka
But ya got it pretty good
Some bitches have the memories
Whereas you don’t
But still you could
We could catch up
Pay attention
Jump ya
Front at anytime
So accept the facts ya sucka
Ya nothin but a dime

[Ebony Zebedee]

Always feelin watched like I got no privacy
Knowin good n well that they do just as they please
Some maggot saw a meal ticket when he cast his eyes on me
Got me paranoid and pissed as all got damn fuckery
Knowin Im not safe when I choose to close my eyes
Barricading bedroom doors to stop em gettin inside
Knowin good and well you don’t even need no memory
To be a victim of this sick dick devilsh infamy
Puttin ya bikes before your wife
Floodin the neighbourhood with ice
Makin scapegoats outta turn coats
Turnin tricks
Corruptin vice
Treatin freedom like a joke
Punchin pussies for the thrill
Hittin fannies
Initiation intimidatin innocents to kill
Got no desire to partake in this fucked up lil hell
Where nobody gives a fuck bout no one else but emself
I don’t want these snakes n fakes just for the love of company
Im in my element with anonymity
No need to front
Im free
Don’t want no back up
Don’t wanna feed no one else into this game
Where you’re valued for your victimhood
These parasites thrive on pain
Rather keep to my damn self
Trust no one
That’s the rule
Cant invest in their respect cos they weild it like a tool
Manipulatin you to prove that you’ll be down for them for life
When in reality you’re expendable
There is no loyalty
But still you'll fght
They’ll invade ya space
Chase ya
And you wont even know they there
They been doin it since the 70s
They think its clever
You call it fair
Cos you justify abuse if theres profit to be made
Same damn logic has people locked up
Slavin
Its just another trade
The meat market
The horror shit
The sadists
The corrupt
Where if its profitable its permissable
No one gives a fuck
Like the outlaws said in war there’s no victory without casualty
On goes the tyrants reighn regardless
That’s the actuality
Of a sad reality
Where your only here as fodder for the devils family

[Ebony Zebedee]

So sensitive and easily pursuaded or convinced
You placed trust  in their deception now you’ve nothing left to give
Cos people will let you lavish them till you end up dead and broke
Everything is commercialized
From ignorance to woke

So immature and juvenile
Acting like a child
Sillyness and beligerence wont help you pay the fine
You know that penance you must pay for showing disrespect
How can you afford the risk if you dont have a connect

Eventually
It will eventuate
The date has probably already been written
Revenge
Retaliation
And you’ll be wishing you were forgiven

Maybe they’re just waiting for you to forget
Let down your gaurd
Maybe baby
And you thought you were so hard

So you know what my little darling
I hope you’re feeling good
I hope you make the most of what is left
Infact you should
Cos one day I’ll catch up to you
It could be the witching hour
Cos you’ve fucked the fuck right up my girl
Thinking you had power

So insignificant and futile
Thats how I view your deeds
Do you know how many people Ive been feeding
Sowing countless seeds
Are you aware of my affiliates
They’ll do anything I say
Ive taken pity on you so far
But trust that one day you will pay

You thought it was so righteous
Thinking you were right
I’ll just let you in on something
In regards to that dark night
We knew that you were coming
Its all been done before
And yes
You little insect
I got more respect for my front door
I got more respect for an inanimate object than you
You fucking whore

[Ebony Zebedee]

Sometimes I just feel like I must be the devils spawn
I remember all their lies and wonder why it was that I was born
People say “You were born for this”
People say “Stay in your place”
They say “You’re to be seen and not heard”
With a smile upon their face
Mummy dearest told me a few things
She just said this and that
She said not to drink from a cup with a chip in it
Infact
She said the reason was because it could be laced with drugs
She told me at the age of 3
Now I’m wonderin bout these thugs
I just think that we’re all human
Some feel bigger than the rest
I dont know why they seem intent on degrading others for a vest
I spose its all about having standards
Do morals stand up to the test
Are you even chasing answers or are you consumed with bitterness
Daddy was a junkie
He said mummy was the devil
Told me not to trust her
Along came Collin talkin Rebels
I wasn’t even interested
I didn’t wanna join a gang
I didn’t wanna be the baddest
Im just thinkin bout the game
Takes two to tango, foxtrot, waltz or jive
Don’t like to dance
My knees go weak
Got no desire to try
Sometimes I run in circles tryin to make sense of all this shit
Then I figure it’s not worth it and just stick to my own script
Don’t wanna be a leader
Don’t wanna be led along
So I just try to distract myself
Act like an adult
They’ve all whispered little lies into my ears
They’ve all tried to make me scared so that I’d fear
They’ve all poked and prodded trying to get a rise
They’ve all planned and plotted to realize my demise

[Ebony Zebedee]

Probably just been spiked again
That’s what my voices tellin me
I could care less about the substance
Im just tryin to stay free
He told me watch Blood In Blood Out
Asked me to pass weed
And my dumbass fucking did it
You’re an idiot Ebony
Cant change the past
The future is uncertain
All I know
Is I can’t trust fucking anyone
And its all about the dough
Others are convinced that its bout integrity
Each to his own
I chose my throne
Clothed in infamy
Ive been very lucky so far
But I don’t mean like Im all that
Just I know I could be worse off
So Im thankful
Im intact
Sometimes I look at my reflection and don’t recognize my face
Im not the only one that’s changed
Im not the only one that’s chased
But still it is
Here I am
In my glory
In the flesh
And they sold me up the river for a rigger
That’s my best
Don’t wanna be down for nothin less it seems genuinely true
Don’t even know if my donations are going toward food
I wanna contribute to those who know what it is to go without
Then I hear the voices saying “That’s me”
Which leads to doubt
Use it or lose it
Cant refuse it
It’s a ruse
Excused and rude
Its just corruption interrupting introductions
You refuse
Won't take no for no damn answer
Go on
Try and deny
They’ll force ya
You’re not invincible
Truth is neither am I

[Ebony Zebedee]

Last one........ think I'll go back to twitter
Was trippin long before I ever dropped a name
Difference between then N now I didn’t know I was insane
They said “What are ya? Psychic?”
I heard 21 gun salutes
Saw smoke in the still of night
No flame
I call that proof
But it serves no purpose to report it
They labelled me 504
Corruption couldn’t exist without the cops
Of that Im sure
Im not quite sure what to make of this
Everytime that I relapse
The delusion seems so real
I genuinely feel trapped
Nothings actually come of all the fear just yet
Then I think I’ll just have patience incase I do forget
Never forget an enemy
I thought that I was smart
Cos I simply just said “Do it”
What a joke
The devils laughed
“So you got no fear do you?”
Think before you speak
There’s always other options
Devilish tricks and treats
She said her brothers were in the mafia
I said “If thats true you wouldnt be tellin me”
I was happy washing dishes
Didn’t actually wanna be seen
She said “You dont have the right background”
Another failed job
I used to like manual labor
Help me stay fit and strong
They deny and lie as if you’re dependant on confessions
May aswell tell the whole damn world
Hope your troubles lessen
They said “Do you know his ethnicity?”
I said I didn’t give a fuck
I’d only seen his photo
Chopper wrote about that stuff
All Im trying to do right now
This very fucking second
Is stay alive
Awake
Aware
And hope to god for a blessing
Its unfortunate but fortunately I had a fortnight of sanity
Then I lost the plot when MC Eiht offered me a free CD
So the best I can come up with is to try and express all my symptoms
They’re based on life experiences
Wonderin what the fuck I was thinkin
I cried so many nights over so many that I knew
I was convinced they were at risk and possibly being abused
I rekon they was spiking me
Thats why I couldnt sleep
Go Ask Alice
Its been done before
Think I’ll quit now
Later freaks