Author Topic: Anxiety  (Read 6274 times)

Ebony Zebedee

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« on: July 21, 2017, 05:13:02 AM »
The anxiety is starting to get to my brain
Scared to fall asleep
So hard to explain
Knowing there’s so many people at risk
Its a sick bloody world with sick people in it
I just want people to be safe
I dont wanna fixate on vengeance and hate
I want peace of mind
I want each soul to find
A sense of security within his life at all times
I want all those that are victimized by trials of this world
To be healthy and happy
I want all boys and girls
And women and men
No matter the age
To feel they are safe from the evil that pervades
I feel sick to my guts knowing whats possible
Im trying to fight the unknown probables
I wouldn’t wish this shit on anybody
Feelin trapped by the fact that they’re a commodity
I dont wanna consume the hurts of others
I dont want us duckin and dodgin and tryin to take cover
I wish with such vain and weak intent
That corruption would vanish instead of prevent
I dont wanna be evil
I dont wanna be cruel
I dont wanna be jealous or envious of jewels
I dont wanna shine so bright that it blinds
I dont wanna be victimized
I despise
Those designs that hold lives as worthless and cheap
I want all to feel free with plenty to eat
I want all to be satisfied
Ive had quite enough
Im left to languish in anticipation of disgust
I dont feel safe in this world
I know no one cares
So many lies
They’ve all tried to scare
Daring and danger and anger and hate
Im consumed by the give when all they want is to take
Im confused
At times I cant differentiate
I try to trust my instincts but they’re based on the bait
Where they lure you in with a smile and some charm
Condescending praise meant to disarm
Nothings sincere
Smoke and mirrors appear to smear my perception till all thats left is the fear
Ive prayed just as Ive been preyed upon
Happens to mothers and fathers and new born children
Its just a web of deciet
A nest of devilish lies
Do they want my fear, dumbfounded shock or suprise?
Will they force me to act as they do?
Ive tried to describe what goes on in my mind
I know others are hurting
Tears fall from their eyes
Ive cried rivers too
They’ve stalked me for years
Is it because of my past
Is it because Im sincere
Is it because of the crimes I committed in youth
Is it the same damn reason they named me Ebony
Fuck proof
Fuck answers
Fuck questions
Fuck figuring it out
All I know is Im at risk
Thats all its about
Thinking about that cloth in the photo of me as a baby
And seeing the same cloth in pornography
I dont care anymore
Im just gon try to chill
Hope I wake where I sleep
Knowing to them its a thrill
I just wanna feel safe
I just wanna feel sane
But it seems there’s no exit out of the maze
Where corruption, greed, violence and deprivation remain as a means to an end and an avnue of gain


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Re: Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2017, 11:47:47 AM »
anxiety, they lied to me, they tried to be aside of me
inside of me a fighting beat, a dying breed, i might just be...


i might just be reflecting off
the mirror that you lookin at is really me, all bets are off
all debts are paid, all moneys fake
a million bux, a crumb of cake
these dumby snakes will never be
as good as you or clever, see
they rather be livin in a life of lies and enemies
pretend to be intelligent, say that you are celibate
but in the end we in a maze, a shot could be the end of it



Ebony Zebedee

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Re: Anxiety
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2017, 12:02:33 PM »
That same shot you say could end it all
could actually lead to the inevitable
reality that seems to be
to others a conspiracy,
so lyrically I aspire to be
The poet that survives the greed, corruption, torture, torment, truths, where theres no need for validated proof.

Its all about the money babe
Chest carved with Zs hidden in caves
For speaking out so truthfully against the ruthless family

I feign affection to get by
Sometimes Im comforted by lies
Because the facts are clear as day
In this world of 20 million slaves

No one cares
You're not prepared
We act so staunch
Yet still we're scared
Convince ourselves invincible
The enemy too has principles

You cant earn his trust, faith or respect
He seeks for you to feel inept

We're all just trying to survive
And hope the truth does not suprise

I dont wanna be a devil man
I dont wanna be like sam I can
Or thomas the tank engine train
who hoots and toots cos girls are vain
I dont wanna be the enemy
I just want each man to be free
Innocent, warm hearted, true
Regretfully I sense in you
An ill intent
As if you're bent on depriving me of evidence
But Im gon try my best not to judge
The superiority of a grudge
Where although you are guilty too
You'll point the finger to feel you rule

You're just human darling
Dont forget
The dark side of the internet
« Last Edit: July 21, 2017, 12:08:58 PM by Ebony Bree Caple »


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Re: Anxiety
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 12:30:57 PM »
but i am you and you are me
and the dark web's here for all to see
and if it's real or if it's fake
i pray the lord my soul to take
so when u die and are deceased
remember who put you at peace

sccit tha shit the real one
aka ebony bree caple .. done

Ebony Zebedee

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Re: Anxiety
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2017, 01:06:33 PM »
but i am you and you are me
and the dark web's here for all to see
and if it's real or if it's fake
i pray the lord my soul to take
so when u die and are deceased
remember who put you at peace

sccit tha shit the real one
aka ebony bree caple .. done

Done it all and I'll do it again
Just for a sweet taste of revenge

Dear sccit
How could I be such a bitch
Act so condescending and treat you like shit
Criticize your ability to rip the mic with tight spit
Bout how every race is capable of being racist

Some people would actually think me deranged
For subscribing to ideologies that serve me no gain
To be concerned with oppression, marginalization
Choosing to risk my own welfare speaking about victimization

I’ll let you in on a little secret deary
No all that you hold is tangible to me
I see no value in materials meant to impress
When they’re produced by the labours of the oppressed

Yes Im dependant on the subjugation
Of men, women and children from foreign nations
I tried to make advocacy a vocation
But Im insane and cant practice with dedication

I dont seek reward for the good deeds I do
I hope not to be like those who refuse
To lift up their hands and take heed of their crimes
Own their misgivings rather than feed us the lies

In all honesty sccit
I can recognize skill
But just like so many others you’re obsessed with the thrill
Of subjecting a victim to torment
To tease
To seek a sense of power and superiority

Im not sayin that people have no right to be strong
Im just confused if your telling me strengths based upon
Picking on people defenseless
Im confused
How on earth is that a feat of strength
Tell the truth

Do you simply feel special when you look down your nose
As if others are insects or wart ridden toads
Do you feel accomplished tryin to decieve and deny
Using the same Nazi tactics that took so many lives

Im not  preachin man
I’ll admit to my bad
Ive disrespected the connected and they’re all fucking mad
Ive lied
Ive embellished
Stepped outta line
Stood on a few toes
I had no grand design
I was simply and effortlessly speaking my mind

And here’s another admission dear sccit
I like that line of yours about being a schizophrenic
But Im troubled by art
Because it inspires
It encourages people to embody the lies
Its quite possible that for you you’re living your rhymes
Just as I be procrastinatin with mine
But I wanna wake people up
I dont want em to fear
I want the innocent to overcome the torments and jeers

I spose you’ve got an affinity for horror
So I’ll pose a question to you which I hope you will honor
Do you ever ponder why horror is not criticized
So avidly and savagely as rap
No suprise?
Because you’ve been conditioned by a system that has us practicing bias
Unconsciously we make judgements of those sitting beside us
Who dont identify the same as we do
Subject to stereotypes
Like you being a jew
Can you fathom that we have yet to critique horror core
And the fact it permits pure torture and gore
And encourages people to do in real life
What for others is just the cheap thrill of fright

Dear sccit
I’ll say it publicly
With no expectations
I dont expect your respect
But I subjected you to degradation
With all those sccit disses I wrote on my meds
Writing poem after poem
We all know what I said
And although you’ve previously said you accept my apology
I still feel remorse for I acted poorly
I subjected you to an abuse Id refuse
If given the opportunity to choose
So sorry dear sccit
I hope you find healthy pursuits
Im not judging
My poetry is all about negative truths
My mothers calls it the luxury of a negative thought
Im just fixating on hate and battles Ive fought
But I hope not wish harm upon any other
If we’re all Gods/Yehway/Allah/Ganesh children
We’re brother
And sister
A mister
A missus
A master
Or simply a miss demean her
Dear father
Forgive me my sins
For no one forgives
They all want me to suffer the same fate as the pigs
So until I meet my destined demise
I’ll endeavor to do my best with these rhymes
Dont wanna do crimes
Or lose my damn mind
Mind my damn business and stop actin so blind
Be kind to the wise
All in good time
Ya never know darling
Maybe we’ll all get to shine