Author Topic: Old Shit  (Read 73 times)

ebonybreecaple@gmail.com

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Old Shit
« on: September 10, 2020, 07:47:11 PM »
How sick is this shit
How absolutely sickening is this shit
People just wanna matter and some white supremacist prick with his white supremacist talking points and his white supremacist ways
Tries to vilify a person for saying they value black lives and wanna save
black folks from torture
Murder
Brutality
Injustice
Degradation
These White supremacist actually wanna outright reinstate segregation
by drawing the lines
By stomping on picket lines
By attacking protesters who wanna march
For civil liberties
For justice
And these nazis are trying to tear the movement apart
Whilst at the same time act like there’s no reason for a movement to start
Ya gotta be kidin me
How ya gonna talk bout progress
If you’re intent on draggin us all back to the 60s
this is sanctioned by congress
the white cunt in the white house is a bigot
He admits it
That’s why y’all voted him in
The world he leads aint gonna be free for long
Not with him




 

ebonybreecaple@gmail.com

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Re: Old Shit I'm not spell checkin any of this shit
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2020, 07:48:42 PM »
Corruption is the golden rule
The precursor to each cause
Wether accepted or dismissed
We’re all just living by mans laws
The fact that they were biblical at a certain point in time
Does nothing to negate the fact that we’re  all committing crimes
Im no angel
Far from innocent
I have a rap sheet 5 feet long
From youth unto adult
Im fixated on my wrongs
Cant remember a time I wasn’t naughty
Or having once acted out of hand
Where I didn’t cop the punishment
Not sure if anyone understands
All throughout my childhood I was doing the wrong thing
Started running away at the age of 3
And so the caged bird sings
She’s whistling a tune of blame and shame and pain and suffering
It sounds all too familiar
I was born for this
To sin
My cousin told me a story about myself in infancy
I felt utter disgust and disbelief
And now that my present reality
Is filled with innuendo, corruption, coincidence
Im provoked to re evaluate the need for recompense
Nobody admitting to lil ole me
Yet I confess so regularly
Am I to languish in disgust or be realistic bout infamy
Some thrive on such immoral, evil, unrelenting pain
All they see is exploits and advantages where I see shame
It seems I dont posses the blessing of anonymity
Feeling watched and stalked and prayed upon
Where others would feel free
At times this living nightmare makes me feel reality
Is just a fabrication to disguise the lies we see
There is profit in corruption
Wether deserved or not
Truly though
Who could actually justify it without admitting it is rot
The decaying of human decency
The permittance of such ills
A living hell for some
For others a source of perverse thrills
 

ebonybreecaple@gmail.com

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Re: Old Shit I just found this garbage on my old samsung tablet
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2020, 07:49:51 PM »
Its quit possible individuals who its assumed I would support
Are the same people who would use me due to a different train of thought
Its probable that those quite close to me are intent on my demise
I haven’t forgotten all the times they manipulated my fractured mind
Its inevitable that one day I’ll come to find the truth
And one of many possibilities is that I am right about abuse
I already know that you can be abused and have no proof
No wonder this always feels familiar
I have no idea what Im sposed to do
I can run cos there’s no where to go
I cant hide
They’re everywhere
There’s people lined up round the corner hoping to get a share
I hear these horrifying, blood curdling, screams within my mind
I am living evidence of the fact that they can always justify
The evil
The torture
The corruption
Sin and pain
They dont have to exuse themselves
There’s no need to explain
And there’s a market for their terror
There’s a cornerstone in the world
Where your detriment is an asset
It provokes my mind to swirl
In millions of different directions trying to figure out whats next
Is it him or her or they or them
Is it this or that
What to expect
My immediate reaction to the fear that it inspires
Is to go over all my infractions and crimes
Knowing good and well that in terms of disrespect
Many are not granted consideration regardless of regret
Then I remember how I was abused before I acted out
Thats where it gets confusing
Like maybe thats not what this is about
Its not about revenge or mercy
Its about power, money, pride
Its about manipulating people to your advantage to provide
Cos I can rationalize
There’s nothing to be gained from me unless
You feel provoked to degrade me
My downfall could be a test
Someone could make their bones with me
Confirmation
Or a cell
Someone could be fixated on ensuring me a living hell
Because they’re bent
Out of shape
Twisted
Deranged and pure
Pure muthafuckin evil
To them the torment is a cure
Criminally insane
Thwarted by their lust
Decieved by devilment to the point that pains a must
So its time to reinforce positives
Make the most of the present day
Knowing with such reluctance that’s its quite foolish to be brave
Everybody’s days are numbered
Some meet an early grave
And at times that seems like mercy considering all the variables I weigh
I no longer try to coddle my insecurity with hope
I just face facts
Bad things happen all the time to real good folks
And even though they good they’re still despised
So I hope to not to be shocked, dumbfounded or suprised
I hope to have at least a little bit of pride
Confront my fears with wisdom
Feel strong and visualize
A future where even if my worst fears come to life
There’ll be some kind of justice
That there’s a win for those who fight
Ive just resigned from my society
As I feel so overwhelmed
Im making the most of my reality by reclining when Im well
Trivial pursuits that give me a sense of fulfillment and peace of mind
Of course they deem it worthless
But look at what they all desire
I too feel that they’re wasting what to me is precious time
You could work towards solutions
But it seems that they’re inspired
Negatives can be useful
Just gotta cross em out
Then you get a positive
Try it
Without a doubt
I do it
By my agenda differs from those who see
Corruption as a rule to be adhered to to stay free




 

ebonybreecaple@gmail.com

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Re: Old Shit
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2020, 07:51:22 PM »
I’m so scared
So ill prepared
So sick of being dared to step outta line
Write another lame rhyme despite the fact I’m a piss poor poet and I’m wasting my time
Voices talkin bout torture n slavery n shit
I talk back to em sometimes even though I’m a terrified little bitch
Never really thought too highly of myself despite defending my non-existent honour when dealt such a low fuckin blow I felt useless n ruined but I reacted so zealously I don’t know what I thought I was provin
And Here I am
In the flesh
Still free
Knowing my whole fuckin world can be used against me
Abuse is profitable
I’ve been wagered and traded and raped and degraded
Kinda like Almost Famous except Kate Hudson’s the greatest and I’m bottom of the barrel kinda meat
Some people don’t care for a test
Just want easy Street
Stale and cheap chicks to beat coz they weak and revolting and wanna take their scum fuck shit out on me
I gave up on hope
My poems are a joke
All I got left is coffee and smokes
Not looking for no Joe or pro to save me
It be so
So
Be
It

 

ebonybreecaple@gmail.com

  • Guest
Re: Old Shit
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2020, 07:52:24 PM »
At times I worry Ive put people at risk
I told my dad and he mocked me with a hiss
With malice he laughed in my face as I sat there so confused
He said “And you actually thought we were being abused”
I try to fight this sense of evil that pervades me when Im ill
Seems sometimes there's no escape
So hard to fuckin chill
Then I lose my grasp on reality
As fragile as it is
How the fuck am I to have some hope in a world where people torture kids
Basically Im paranoid
Relapse
Once again
Im forced to re evaluate those who pose as if they’re friends
Or family
Such infamy in terms of my bloodline
I kinda wish my cousin was bein honest when he said Im not my fathers child
He said “You’re not even a Caple. You’re spanish”
I screamed back
Then I did a little research
The Berbers were as far back as I tracked
I romanticized a lineage of warriors
But really cant invest
Have no idea who the fuck I am
Really should give this shit a rest
Im just Ebony wishin for heavenly mercy from the Most High up above
I tried to embrace my English roots on my maternal side outta love
Like I love the mysticism of practicing magik
But I gave up
I guesse Im just not consistent
Couldn’t really give a fuck
I feel this energy around me
Dont need to perform any kinda rites
At times within psychosis I feel supernatural rather than fright
I try to be realistic
The experience can be just like a dream
Amazed at what my mind can produce that others cant hear or see
Sure they’ll see it as a weakness
Im usually always on high alert
Doesn’t prevent me from expressing myself or getting hurt
Ive seen people vanish before my eyes
Ive felt a spiritual caress
Ive heard music, lyrics, angels, deamons
Ive felt both afflicted and truly blessed
Just gotta make it another 24 is what I say
Sometimes its just the night I need to survive to see the day
I can dwell on all the negatives but thats just a waste of time
It doesnt inspire my to find solutions but it good to express whats on my mind
Wouldnt be suprised if all my words were used to abuse
Wouldnt faze me in the slightest if thats the whole point of this ruse
Im simply not invested in anything no more
I had a wild time in my heyday
Now they see me as a bore
I have no desire to entertain or be mocked or ridiculed
Im not waiting to be appreciated
Sometimes I like being a fool
It feels homely just being a goofball and takin the piss out of myself
I know I could come across as morbid or annoying to someone else
Im not trying to live up to fantasy or keep up with current trend
Im not inclined to try and be fashionable
Im not concerned with having friends
Im really actually quite content just on my patent lil malone
I feel blessed to have the dignity of being able to provide myself a home
Im seriously greatful for my current situation having had less
But that doesnt make feel in any way ambitious
Im aware that many see poverty as a stain
Look down upon
But I dont take their cruelness into account
To them I dont belong
Truly
The feelings mutual
I dont wanna associate with that kind
Who are obsessed with mean spirited nastiness
I dont look at them and admire
I see the realness of my reality
The raw, unfiltered truth
And it satisfies me immensely
I no longer look for proof
True they drop their hints at times
I figure they tryin to get a rise
Im trying not to let people determine how I’ll react to all their senseless crimes
Cant save the world
Cant save the girl
But I can save some precious time
By using it in a way that to me seems truly wise
I mean if anything can be used against you to abuse
Then it doesnt actually matter what the fuck I do