Author Topic: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7  (Read 93 times)

.:N-Imy:.

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Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« on: July 27, 2001, 02:55:50 PM »
Every week I will post at least 5 jokes on one subject (i.e animals, office, business, church etc,) and each week will be a different category.

This Weeks Jokes Are On Animals


Joke 1. Why don't blind men go sky diving?

It scares the shit out of their guide dogs.


Joke 2. These two rabbits were sat in a laboratory, and got talking about how good it would be to break out. So, they hatched a plan and later that night they made their move and broke out of the lab and into the compound.

From there they slipped under the fence and were free. They ran and ran and ran, through the open fields, across the fresh water stream and in to a farmers field full of juicy ripe carrots.

Here they stopped for a bite to eat. "You know" said the first rabbit, "I miss the lab already"

"Why's that?" asked his mate.

"Well" he replied, "I'm gasping for a fag"


Joke 3. A penguin is driving through Arizona (as they do) on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it.

The mechanic says he has a few others to look at first but if he comes back in an hour he can tell the penguin what is wrong with his car. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk.

He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and it's Arizona in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream.

Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth-a total mess.

He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?"

The mechanic replies, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream!"


Joke 4. A poor farmer has three sheep and one old Ram. As the three sheep are not conceiving the farmer calls in the vet!

Well, you have three options says the vet,a new ram or artificial insemination. "sounds too costly" said the farmer, "but you said three options!"

"Yes," said the vet, "do it yourself."

The farmer was aghast

"How will i know if it works?"

"Well," said the vet "if they roll around in the mud the morning after you have made love to them then they are not pregnant, however if they roll around in the Hay, they are pregnant."

So, the next day the farmer takes the three sheep in his land rover and does the business.

Next morning he calls to his wife "What are the sheep doing love?"

"They are rolling in the mud Jack."

So with a heavy heart he takes the three sheep in his land rover and once again does the business.

Next moring "What are the sheep doing love"

Suspiciuosly she says "They are rolling in the mud jack."

By now exhausted he puts the sheep in to the land rover and does the business.

Next morning "What are the sheep doing love?"

"Well this is very strange," she answers. "Two of them are in the back of the Land Rover and the other one is pipping the horn!!"  


Joke 5. A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"I don't know," says the Parrot, "I got a hard-on and I fell off my perch."
N-Imy - Incipient  {[link=http://forum.igangsta.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=fouroneone;action=display;num=1010196585]Click Here[/link] for details}

"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

lee

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2001, 03:02:56 PM »
Sorry those jokes were crap  >:(
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

.:N-Imy:.

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2001, 03:17:42 PM »
Well I am sorry about that. See I have a joke site where I can get funny jokes from but when I went to that site it was down and not working because it was getting done up so I have had to use a temporary joke site and I didn't know wot the jokes were like but thanx for telling the truth. I will chage these asap as soon as I find another site with wit I'm looking for. Once again thanx for your modesty and I will try to find funnier ones in the future for yourself.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
N-Imy - Incipient  {[link=http://forum.igangsta.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=fouroneone;action=display;num=1010196585]Click Here[/link] for details}

"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

lee

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2001, 03:19:25 PM »
Do i hear a tone of sarcaism ?  >:(












j/k lol .........  ;D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

AlerG

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2001, 06:54:58 AM »
i liked the perguin one, haha, peace.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
Our music video which was featured in the motion picture Scary Movie 5 :

 

.:N-Imy:.

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2001, 10:22:38 AM »
Anybody wanna lift, no?

Ok anywayz:

/\
|
|
|
Going UP
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
N-Imy - Incipient  {[link=http://forum.igangsta.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=fouroneone;action=display;num=1010196585]Click Here[/link] for details}

"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}
 

lee

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2001, 11:29:26 AM »
WHAT ? !
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: Justifyable Jokes - 28/7
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2001, 12:08:53 PM »

Quote

WHAT ? !


it was just an excuse to up this topic to see if I could get anymore feedback but I guess not. Anywayz sorry for any misunderstanding of my last post lee.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
N-Imy - Incipient  {[link=http://forum.igangsta.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=fouroneone;action=display;num=1010196585]Click Here[/link] for details}

"I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So I feel like I'm going to heaven" - Tupac {June 1996}