Author Topic: Check this out (Read 130 times)

UKnowWhatItIs: welcome to my traps....game over · « **on:** February 11, 2004, 10:21:54 AM »

This is a little verse I wrote.Like I said it's a quick one.I just wanna know if it's tight or not.

Now let me introduce myself,
The underrated motherfucker
That gave a fuck about the wealth,
Health is all I thought about
While I was beatin the older kids,
Felt that I gotta harass
So I won't be harassed with
In these streets it ain't important
What you giving,
It's what you get,
It's either simple love or
Just a bullet to the head
But I ain't gettin nuthin
But more and more respect,
All day,everyday keepin it real
So that's what I expect
Plus I ain't no gangsta,
I don't claim it,
So I just maintain and remain the same
And don't say shit.

Whatcha all think about it?

*Z* - The Queen of Dubcc · « **Reply #1 on:** February 14, 2004, 11:10:27 AM »

hey its okay, man, but it aint tight i think,.....uve a great attitude, Respekt!
and i think u should just try to get da rhymez on da foreground, and somethin like "that gave a fuck about wealth, health is all i thought about"
u should go on wid da rhyme "wealth-health" , cuz such "Goin-on-Rhymez" make da text tight and flows when u read it, u know, i hope i was able
to help u sum... and can u tell me how u feel ma shit? thats just a freestyle i wrote in a couple of minutes 1 hour ago thats why it aint all great but i like it tho...please rate it:

ive known alotta people who gotta fear of sum people ,other people, people like they have neva had to be//
i see saw have seen it everyday the way people talk, speak but say nuthin//
walked around but saw nuthin, cuz allway hide their eyez from somethin//
singin bout da healthy world, and tryin to feel everything real but its absurd//
they picked on sum others and raped all their muthers, so there are now the sons of da sins//
their fins in the air, aginst the others its like aginst da breath aginst da sphere till u breathe da death//
till da death breathe you, eat you thru and dont even say thank you, too//
cuz he knows da thong and stuff , he snuff it thru everythin and all cuz of ma agression-call ...//
i killed ma favorite doll and ma old model at all cuz allot of em wrote wid ma blood "ur damn hitler!" on da wall!//
u dont know ma name da hood ma foot, ma sole ma greatest hall where ive rhyme all da time , i fucked u too//
ive neva called u, pussys, neva wanted u to rate about ma fate , hate me thru and tell girls aint able be rap,i rap back, shit on yo true!//
cuz know u what bitchez?, iam a fuckin girl and mayb b able to kill sum wannabe-Gs and stuff, try better!//
but u know ma mind, ma mind finds a way to write some rights of humen/woman in one of all in 1 fuckin letter!//

and write yo shit down in bars its easier to read :)

UKnowWhatItIs: welcome to my traps....game over · « **Reply #2 on:** February 15, 2004, 02:39:21 AM »

Yeah,thx for rating this,I'm just gonna tell u that I've been raping for only a few months.Your rhymes are preety cool,ya know,it's ok,I think.From time to time your like forcing too much some words that ryhme together.For example
"till da death breathe you, eat you thru and dont even say thank you, too"
Too many words there that rhyme and don't sound right together even when they rhyme.You also repeated some words a few times.But it's good for a lil freestyle.Nice.And now I'm just asking,are you a girl?