Author Topic: WAR (Read 118 times)

kickz_deluxe · « **on:** February 28, 2004, 01:31:07 PM »

i wrote tha followin about war. just whut i think. i dont know wether u find it right or good or sumthin else. it was just a written up

hate iz facin brazenfaced thiz situation
just yellin brayz for peace but their spiritzlay rememberz last summer they was lazin/
lax, lavish, no hard pan or hasty nation
the mindz were just talkin thru their hatz like a cascade blazin/
till autumn came to make tha blankness bein blessed with fathaz who sposed to blazon
the blockade was run of selfcomplacent dreamz that conjured up satan/
they all stand in linez, thousandz deep
ready to start tha crimez expressed thruh their pain which bleed/
they got no heart, but fight for blood
actin az wordz unwellknown n none understood/
but they just wasnt listen, now there iz faint men, faint momentz, a faint victory
they fought for idealizm whut was taken ova ba their imperfect dictiondream/
they won, but won whutz one n will never appear agin
they worked with reverse, reached tha aim but iz tha death tha hell a win?/
kidz lost fatherz, fatherz lost wifez
they revised tha fact that theyve been fallin while they rise/
it seemz az itz over, sorry kidz, daddy wont say goodbye
thatz y he denyied that nonviolent dreamz aint a lie/

bez · « **Reply #1 on:** February 29, 2004, 11:41:57 AM »

quite nice man, couldent really get much imagry from the rhyme and all but it was ok and shit.

kickz_deluxe · « **Reply #2 on:** February 29, 2004, 11:46:26 AM »

thanx. itz cool that u post yo feedback!i gon work on it .thanx!

OLD ACCOUNT PLZ DELETE INDY · « **Reply #3 on:** February 29, 2004, 01:26:55 PM »

Props man for posting this up.. like bez said was hard to imagine it coz of the typa words and flow, but their were some interesting words in their...

Peace bro!

kickz_deluxe · « **Reply #4 on:** March 01, 2004, 06:27:09 AM »

im glad that u told your opoinion but i got a question: which part soundz strange or funny or somthin kinda negative? u gotta know english aint ma motherlanguage n im learnin it just for one year. so sometimez or maybe often i cant really feel whut soundz good or bad...

so PLEAZE explain whut could sound better..PLEAZE