Author Topic: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today  (Read 68 times)

CHEF_RAEKWON

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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
« on: June 12, 2004, 06:25:33 PM »
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today


1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness

4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
 

Montana00

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Re:Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2004, 06:38:57 PM »
hasnt this already been posted?
 

DAYUM

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Re:Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2004, 09:22:39 PM »
yeah i remember reading it... i think Kain posted it
 

Don Rizzle

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Re:Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2004, 06:06:51 AM »
i hadn't read it b4

iraq would just get annexed by iran


That would be a great solution.  If Iran and the majority of Iraqi's are pleased with it, then why shouldn't they do it?
 

Trauma-san

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Re:Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2004, 11:23:39 PM »
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today


1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness

4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


I'll bite.  You're fishing.  

1. Rush was addicted to PRESCRIPTION drugs.  You know this.  You ignore this.  Your argument is flawed, and you shouldn't have attempted it, knowing I could so easily Anihilate it.  

2.   Republicans believe we should get out of the U.N., precisely because the U.N. isn't enforcing it's resolutions.  We are enforcing the U.N. resolution because we are currently still a member of the U.N., thereby, upholding our duty even when we don't agree with it.  Top that.  

3.   Define Big Business and Big Money to me, and I'll define Aspirin to you.

4.   Standing Tall For America does not mean firing your workers and moving to India... and republicans don't believe that.  That you would make such an inference shows a fragile mind.

5.  A woman does have the choice to make about her own body, but unfortunately, democrats believe a child has the obligation to die, if said woman wants to whore around and create the child, and then stab it to death.  To a democrat, there's nothing wrong with that.  To me, a compassionate Human Being, I have a little problem with Babies being killed by their Mothers.  

6.  Jesus does love you, but no republican believes he hates Hillary Clinton or Homosexuals.  Your paranoia is telling; are you Hillary Clinton, and are you a homosexual, Hillary?

7.  Republicans belive the best way to raise Military Morale is to let them do their job, and hire enough of them to adequately, and safely, perform their job.  Republicans also believe in equiping the Military with the proper equipment, and not continuously slashing military budgets in favor of Drivers Licenses and free tuition for Illegal Immigrants.

8.  Group Sex and Drug Use are degenerable sins, even if you someday run for Governor of California, but like all sins, can be forgiven, and overcome.  The current governor of California is a shining example of a man who has had both Group Sex, and used Drugs, and overcame both.  What a great role model.  We should elect him Governor, AGAIN!

9.  If Condoms are kept out of school, my taxes won't have to pay for adolescents to quite literally fuck around.  If Condoms ARE kept out of school, adolescents can feel quite free to fuck around with themselves, and not my wallet.  

10.  A good way to fight terrorism is to beg the U.N. for cooperation, question why we get none, and then go do the job any fucking way.  Nothing will stop us, not even the rest of the World.

11.  HMO's and Insurance Companies have the interest of profits in mind.  The general public should have their own interests in mind, and not put them in the hands of insurance companies and HMO's.

12.  Since the U.S. doesn't own Iraq, what Iraq chooses to provide it's citizens is their own business, and we support their decisions.  In America, providing health insurance to all *IS, by definition, Socialism.  

13.   Global Warming and Tobacco's link to Cancer are both taught in schools.  Unfortunately, Creationism, with similar evidence, isn't.  Sad.

14.  Saddam was attempting to be a good guy, got out of line, got the shit bombed out of him, tried to be a good guy again, and then stayed out of line for 14 U.N. resolutions.  

15.   A president lying period is an impeachable offense.  George Bush hasn't lied.  

16.  Republicans don't believe government should be limited to what is outlined in the constitution.  Blacks are 2/3rds of a man in the constitution.  Republicans don't believe that.  

17.  That's just personal petty shit that has nothing to do with a political party.  

18.  We support States Rights, but the government as presently orchestrated gives John Ashcroft the right to do just as you said.    Slavery was never denounced by some southern States, we don't support that... so yes, since this is a UNION, some states 'rights' have to be infringed upon.  

19.  What Bill Clinton did in the '60's is history.  So is what Bush did in the '80's.  

20.  I don't know enough about trade relations with communist countries to make an intelligent reply.