some blonde jokes

[ARYC]

some are better than others


• How to make a blonde laugh on Sunday? - Tell her a joke on Friday.

• What does a blonde say when she gets pregnant? - What do I care, maybe it's not mine.

• If a brunette and a blonde jump off a cliff, which one will reach the ground first? - The brunette. The blonde must stop to ask for the direction.

• Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.

• What do you call a blond standing on her head?
A smelly brunette.

• She was so blonde that....
-She thought a quarter back was a refund
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-If she spoke her mind she'd be speechless.
-When she hears that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.

• What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look...!, They spelled MACY's wrong!"

• Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
...Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.

• What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

• What's the definition of eternity?
...4 blondes at a four way stop.

• What do you call 5 blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
An airpocket

• What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A wine cellar

• Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
This Goes In Front

• What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of cherios?
"Oh look....Donut seeds!"

• What does a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
They both carry a black box

• A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”

• Two blondes are walking down the street one day when they find a compact mirror on the ground. One of them picks it up, opens it, and looks into the mirror. “Hey, this picture looks kind of familiar,” she says. The other blonde grabs the compact, looks into the mirror, and says, “You idiot, that’s me!”


• Q: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
A: Because the box said, “4 to 6 years.”


• 80,000 blondes meet at the Wembley Stadium for a, "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The master of ceremonies says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
One blonde steps up, so the master of ceremonies asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Eighteen."
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The master of ceremonies says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the World Wide Press, I guess we can give her another chance." So, asks her, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Ninety."
The master of ceremonies sighs. Everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts crying. Again, the 80,000 girls start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
Unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, the master of ceremonies finally says, "Okay! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Four."
The stadium of 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."


• How to sink a submarine full of blondes? - Simply knock on the door.

• Why does a blonde throw her watch up in the air? - To see how time flies.


• There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."