Author Topic: George Carlin  (Read 264 times)

budsmokeronly

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George Carlin
« on: August 01, 2002, 11:48:00 AM »
Thought you might enjoy some George Carlin Imponderables:

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two
cents in . . . what happened to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racecar not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final
exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies. With tiny little spoons
and forks; so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water
know that spelling it backwards is NAIVE?

31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?

33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean the fifth
one enjoy  it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

bez

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2002, 02:40:30 PM »
LOL wow some of them are really good, the holes 1 and the racist 1's where great. Good shit.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

LAZY

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2002, 02:51:08 PM »
LMAO funny shit alot of itz true
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Sikotic™

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2002, 05:45:12 PM »
Quote
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?


That one had me rollin'
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Now_Im_Not_Banned

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2002, 06:14:15 PM »
Quote


That one had me rollin'




Call me ignorant, but thats the only one I didnt understand...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2002, 06:15:32 PM »
Quote




Call me ignorant, but thats the only one I didnt understand...


word...me 2
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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2002, 06:32:15 PM »
I am is a short sentence right

But I do may be the longest sentence because those are the words you say when you get married. And marraige is suppose to be for the rest of your life which, for some people, is as painful as a life SENTENCE.

Now do you get it? It went right over my head a couple times too.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Rick

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2002, 06:39:12 PM »
Quote
I am is a short sentence right

But I do may be the longest sentence because those are the words you say when you get married. And marraige is suppose to be for the rest of your life which, for some people, is as painful as a life SENTENCE.

Now do you get it? It went right over my head a couple times too.


Now I get it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2002, 06:40:28 PM »
Quote
I am is a short sentence right

But I do may be the longest sentence because those are the words you say when you get married. And marraige is suppose to be for the rest of your life which, for some people, is as painful as a life SENTENCE.

Now do you get it? It went right over my head a couple times too.



OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH i get it now...

still not funny!!!

lol
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
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Now_Im_Not_Banned

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2002, 06:43:39 PM »
Quote
I am is a short sentence right

But I do may be the longest sentence because those are the words you say when you get married. And marraige is suppose to be for the rest of your life which, for some people, is as painful as a life SENTENCE.

Now do you get it? It went right over my head a couple times too.





Damn, Sikotic is a genious everybody!!


Not really though...LoL
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

Sikotic™

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2002, 06:52:22 PM »
Quote





Damn, Sikotic is a genious everybody!!




I know I know

God gave me a gift
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

bez

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2002, 10:56:10 PM »
It certainly wasent that shirt.lol

NO really Sik I didnt get that 1 either nice 1 for explaining.
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Sikotic™

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2002, 05:00:44 PM »
Quote
It certainly wasent that shirt.lol

NO really Sik I didnt get that 1 either nice 1 for explaining.


LMAO @ The shirt. I gotta give you credit for that one
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »
 

bez

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2002, 10:38:51 PM »
Quote


LMAO @ The shirt. I gotta give you credit for that one


I am only kiddin mate
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Sikotic™

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Re: George Carlin
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2002, 09:16:04 AM »
I know. That's why I said lmao
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by 1034398800 »