Author Topic: Letter From Avi Glazer  (Read 82 times)

Adam Donnelly

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Letter From Avi Glazer
« on: July 04, 2005, 09:01:53 AM »
Dear Dad,

Omigod this is the coolest vacation since that summer you were suing Aunt Marcia over Grandma's will and we went to the cabin in the Keys and Brian got bitten by a jellyfish.

First off, let me just say the news reports of us not being welcome at the Manchester ballpark are so totally out of whack. Jeez, when we visited with them on Wednesday night some fans heard we were in town and pitched up to actually build these makeshift little barricades. "Uh, these people are supposed to be against us coming to Old Trafford?" I observed to Joel. "Hello? They don't want us to leave!"

Their appreciative welcome was further shown when the police van we were riding in got rocked - like we were U2 or something. It was totally heartwarming, and we said a prayer of thanks, though it was kinda hard to hear it over fans yelling "Hi, Hi Glazer!" At least I think that's what they were saying.

The meeting at the Soccer Association in Soho Square went OK, I guess, and Joel raised that whole issue of "agreed departures" at the stadium you were talking about. "Seriously guys," he told them, "we don't want to end up before an employment tribunal."

There was this, like, totally weird pause. Fortunately that guy David Davies broke the silence. "OK," he said, "I have a proposition for you." At which point Brian Barwick started like, sniggering uncontrollably. "I'm sorry," he kept saying. "It was just . . . when David is going on about about propositioning people . . ." He kinda tailed off. Made a mental note that we should destroy him at some point.

Later we met the sports minister Richard Caborn, who was so knowledgeable about soccer he could almost give you a run for your money, and he gave us a tour of Parliament and let us watch a proceedings for a bit in the House of Commons. The building's pretty cool - though I prefer the Grand Floridian hotel in Disneyworld - but the gallery level we were sitting in? What a waste. Hello, people? Have you never heard of a food court? Food courts are like, the whole reason mezzanines were invented.

Then we had this dinner in the Churchill Room and Joel made such an awesome speech drawing parallels with you and Winston Churchill that there was actually a silence afterwards. Then some guy said: "Doubtless you are of similar credit to your father as Churchill's descendants are to him. Have you met Nicholas Soames?" We were like, nooo . . . Is he a wide receiver?

Anyway, like I said, Old Trafford was gnarly except Brian yelled shotgun on the best executive office and I got pretty upset till Joel said we could go pick something out at the club shop (Dad, can we make it a club mall?). Joel got a shirt with GLAZER on the back and guess what? It's the first off the production line! It's like, practically a collector's item already. I got a cool key ring with a Manchester player on it. I also got a sticker book and so did Brian but he won't share with me even when Joel told him to. Can you talk to him?

We skipped the club museum (bor-ing!) and just as Joel was saying we ought to turn it into a club chapel we heard that fans' welcome party I mentioned earlier singing about you. It's like, you already have your own song, dude! And it goes: "We'll be running round Old Trafford with his head!"

This seemed way positive to us. No offence, but normally people find the spectacle of your head kinda hard to take, so the idea that they wanted to take it to their hearts and show it off round the ballpark was touching. We gave thanks to the Lord for it.

Anyway, I have to go now because Joel is about to make a speech to all the people at the ballpark and tell them not to be afraid because we could not be more behind Alan Ferguson.

God bless, from your son

Avi

PS: Please can you tape Joey?
 

JMan

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Re: Letter From Avi Glazer
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2005, 11:37:42 PM »
jokes... United Suck though