Past Addict

[etiquette]

I scour off the days on my Calender, a torn ‘you-must-remember’
In a vain attempt at escaping the form of January to December
You see the future is calling me but I'm busy on the other line
Long distance phone sex with the memories of 1999
Where my observations wore a veil of calm blue
Violet hues that made the sun seem yellower and life seem brand new
Slow-motion-replays of gold-tinted summer days
When I didn't have my high expectations, daily angst, or rent to pay
I slept forever, work was great.. There weren’t as many offensive things to say
.....I didn't have this rising feeling that catastrophe’s on its way

Tear those Calender pages off, time changed but I didn't
Listening to the diverted signal, so I can stay connected
To a time lost at what cost, sheltered by the sound of the phone’s ring
Like I said; the future has been calling, but I sure as fuck ain't answering
Glancing at the past with these rose coloured glasses
But it's dark in the present and I've since run out of matches
I've been obliged to trip and fall with every petite step I take
My knees are bloodied....... and my delicate palms are scraped
I've fallen down so many times; it's getting tough to get up from this position,
My intentions speak volumes, but who the fuck is listening
To a frightened little girl with big scrapbook eyes,
Lying in the place where nostalgia and reality collide
Can you sense my dilemma?
Desperate times call for desperate measures,
My wings have lost their feathers.. and this isn't an adventure any more.

Looking back is a daily habitual of chronological fiction
Daydreams, obliterating the ends but loving the means
Only remembering what doesn't need to be redeemed
Absorbing the present and finding something wrong with
Everything.

Manic-expressions of lessons learnt gone tragic.
The true cut revelations of a malicious past addict.