HAPPINESS.

[ZILLA THA GOODFELLA]

HAPPINESS....
Happiness is a decision, not an emotion, I guess all my life I've made the wrong choices, but the dream of a happy life is my devotion, A promise to myself, but now it's broken, Why? because searching for happiness is hopeless. You can never live.. when you look for the meaning of life, how can you ever chill.. when you're addicted to the hype? All I want is success, that's the key to happiness in other words, but just today I realized I got it all backwards! Without happiness, there is no success.. I guess it's all a game of chess, what a fuckin mess! I'm so done with the stress, I don't wanna feel it.. who got some happiness? I need it, I'm fed up, maybe I'll approach an innocent girl and steal it.. how typical, how cynical! They always label me, maybe I'll just stop trying to be happy and adapt, there's no escaping hell when you're trapped! Or is there? Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations, maybe I expect too much, or maybe I deserve a better explanation! An insight to why everything happens the way it does, why did I hate her but felt happy with her touch? The essentials of happiness: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for, I guess the second one is missing but it's hoped for! But how is it achievable when you fear intimacy? I guess that's when this picture I'm sorting out gets a little messy. The puzzle is confusing, I don't even know what I want, I pretend I know it all, but my mind is nothing to flaunt, It's scarred, please don't even try to understand me! It will take a miracle to find someone who can stand me, I need a weirdo just like me, unlikely! OG told me.. there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved, maybe that explains why I socialize so much, I guess I can't get enough, or maybe I don't even get none at all, what an illusion! Pretending you got love for me? Fuck you for this state of delusion! Everyone is always pretending! I'm hurting, because I'm not sure of anything ever! Everything you ain't sure of, is the core of.. Stress! What an ugly word. I got to find a better one..umm, how bout Compassion? Yup, that's more like it, there's absolutely nothing like it, It's the essence of understanding somebody, and when you feel that there is somebody that understands even to the extreme, then for that moment, you're not as lonely as it seems. I cherish those times, I love a person who is able to narrarate their mind. That connection is the deepest, the richest man in the world is the one who's pleasures are the cheapest! How foolish to search for happiness so far in the distance when it's right under your feet, self-gratification, a worthy purpose, the feeling you get when you're complete! What's that like? Describe it to me, tell me it's possible to live happily ever after! The word 'ever' happens day by day, no? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what people say, I don't care if you said so! Because you can't find happiness. It's within you, it's already found in you! I got the key to it, I'm pretty sure of it, but where is the lock? I just don't have the heart, does it make sense when I say I need someone to give me a jump start? Someone I can trust, not a slut, fuck the lust, I need to talk! How pussy does that sound? Am I one of the softest cats around? Hell naw, I've been a dog, It's been too long! You can never picture what I've been through, not in your wildest nightmares, so don't even try to fit in these shoes, especially when no one cares! They say why don't you ever smile? Well here's the big secret.. The fresh rose turned black and hasn't healed yet. A smile is the sign that shows your heart is at home safe and sound, the window to the haven, well guess what? That muthafuca ain't home! The answering machine is on.. It's pretty much all you're hearing at this moment, and it will be that way till the window is opened! A decision, not an emotion.. that simple saying is deeper than any ocean. I gotta make some right choices....

[TraceOneInfinite Flat Earther 96']

You dove deep into your soul on this one, and the emotions you were expressing are often deeper than the English language can fully articulate, it's like trying to put the ocean in a droplet of water.    Still, it's always worth a try, and from it we grow. 

On happiness-  Allah created all things and all conditions, no creator but Allah.  Allah created the condition of happiness and he gives it to whomever he pleases.  So if you desire true happiness you have to seek the pleasure of Allah, and if Allah accepts you in his path then you will attain true happiness and success in this life. 

One should not expect however, to be in a constant state of euphoria 24/7.  This society tries to manipulate people into thinking they should maintain a constant state of euphoria, with one holiday after another, the big album this day, the big movie this weekend, sales, grand openings, release dates, birthday parties, etc., etc., etc... but that is not reality.  It is a natural human emotion for one to feel sad at times.  We should feel most sad when we disobey the commandments of Allah, and if we shed a tear in seaking forgiveness from Allah then Allah is oft-forgiving, most merciful.

On Love and being Loved-  If you want Allah to love you then don't want anything from the life of this world.  And if you want the people to love you than don't want anything from the people.

Keep expressing, and searchin to the depths of your soul, the truth will set you free.  Peace.