Can i get some feed back from you guys...

[jamesdaterrible1]

check it i need some feed back i am just starting to free style and write my rhymes and i need people to tell me where i need to work on.........or if it wack ...........if its good or bad................here are a couple of them verses.

0.Check it / people be murdin people everyday / sad sad world you know / seeing people dieing on the street you know/ and you here one day / but gone the next / so take life as it comes / until that day / when your time is up / this is what I got to say / help your own / and help will come your way / treat people right / play it smart and you gotta play it safe / evil people roam across this world / devil worshippers / men rapping little girls / what the hell is this / are we already living in hell / God will come one day / so we all live well / until that day comes / keep your mind clear / make a change to this world / live life to the fullest and scream fu*k this madaf*ck-en world.

1.Juan do you know how ridiculous you sound / saying this and that / but everybody knows that you aint down / click clack / that’s the sound of the gat / any club i am in / you better believe / ill be packing the heat / thats how I roll and gots to get in / cuz its 3 to da 2 to da 1 / get on you knees and start praying for fogivenes son / the only way you be getting out of this / hole is on a black body bag/ pull out my chrome / 6 bullets to you chest and 1 to your dome / now you take a look at this / you tell me I aint murding you lyrically / all you gonna say and spit / is noting but jiburish / blah blah blah blah / that’s all I am going to hear /  wait let me take a zip of this beer / patron shot up in the air / oh man this isnt fair / you got nothing on me / your HBO and I am Paper View / people gots to pay to see me / and nobody wanna see you.

2.Oh my god / sal you this guy is so week / he needs to go lay down on the think about what he said / and come back to me in about a week / you really think u can mess with this boss / diamonds all over my neck but dot call me RICK ROSS / West Side Up West Side Down / go work for the circus fool cuz your nothing but a clown / here blow on this / yeah your favorite kind / yellow banana with a creamy surprise / R. Kelly lover / Michael Jackson dreamer / you been abuse since you were 5 / when you let Michael Jackson stick a knife / that change you life 4 ever / since then you can forget that day / and will never ever ever…

3.I roll with hustlers / killers / kidnappers and drug dealers / fool check your self fool / or get faded by the real dope dealer / yeah its me / JDAT1 / coming through with a big bad gun / so lets just have a little fun / don't test me dawg / a 45 smith a weason I got for you dawg / with you head on my sight / one false move dawg / and your as is gone / all you gonna here is BANG BANG / here a body dropping / and that's when everything starts popping / not a crip or a blood / just a brown pride hommie / with some fire one my side / don't act like you don't know me / I can go on and on but why bother / smack you up side you head / you cant hear me / should I say it louder / you cant see me / you cant beat me / you try to duplicate me and try to be me