Lifestyle > Train of Thought
Drugs and Paranoia and Schizophrenia, please discuss.
We Fly High:
These three topics are something that I have been continually thinking about in my head. I'm at a standpoint right now, where I think I have to give up drugs including marijuana. Drugs have straight fucked my head up bad. I'm not talking about dumbing out, but some straight up paranoia.
A little history of drug usage. I wasn't no heroin or crack addict, but I had a penchant for a lot of hallucinogens and ecstasy. I used to take X every other day at school for a couple months. I'd just pop half a pill during first period, and ride out the rest of the day. I also came up on some Acid, and used that somewhat frequently for several months. I probably did it like once a week for 3 months. Shrooms I've only done several times as well. The thing is, for each of these drugs, I never had a problem with doing it by myself. X I've done by myself, but in social settings (school). Acid first time I ever did it, was by myself just locked in the room. Shrooms i've done by myself too, which is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do.
Anyways, during my college sophmore year. I started dabbling into marijuana very heavily. I was selling during that time, so i had an overabundance on me at all times, like at least a pound or two. So as a result, I was smoking so much, that i'd be trippin out about neighbors/cops/stick ups.. I was lookin out my shutter all the time, peepin at my neighbors.. it was ridiculous behavior. and I dont know if this is just crazy thinking.. but I used to have this scale that would always read the measurements off, so basically everytime i weighed something, I had to weigh it like 5 times just to get like an average.. and I think that mentality just started to transfer to everything else in my life. Since I was weighing like 20 sacks a day, I think it was only natural that this sort of uncertainty got ingrained into my other behaviors. I started to double/triple/quadruple check everything I did. Anyways the marijuana consumption has continued till this present moment, but definitely not to the same degree, but still using it multiple times daily, nonetheless.
so now its gotten to the point that I am super anti social. I went to four different colleges, and always lived off campus (by myself for 3 of the years), so that didnt really help with meeting people. I have pretty bad social anxiety, and dont really bother meeting new people or like being in places with a lot of people I dont know (clubs,bars,parties). I am super paranoid and always think people are out to get me or screw me over, which is very far from the truth. I now live with 3 roommates, but we only share 2 bathrooms, so one of the roommates always has to use my restroom, which is cool, but that also means her guests as well, which im not cool with. anyways its gotten to the point that the paranoia has really strained my relationship with my roommates because I always just operate off the false pretense that her guests might try to jack my shit. (I do have a lot of work sensitive stuff, that I keep under lock and key, but it doesnt justify the degree of paranoia that I have).
so now, I've lost several good friends from this paranoia shit (like the slightest hint of disloyalty and I drop a friendship completely). its developed a rocky relationship with my roommates. and people just think im fucking weird for trippin out about everything.
I think i'm going to try to lead a new life this upcoming new year. I've lived this paranoid lifestyle for the past 4 years, and its really confined what I am capable of, as well as the relationships that I've developed. I know that I won't be able to slow my marijuana consumption right away.. but I'm going to try to cut it down to every other day, and then down to once a week, and then down to once a month, and maybe completely stop if it comes to it. I'm just tired of this paranoia, and I think i'm ready to do whatever is necessary to stop it. I've always been known as the weed man among my friends, and often times overlooked the negative consequences that come along with it, but i think its time to acknowledge them.
King Tech Quadafi:
go clean nigga
REGIME MOB 510:
--- Quote from: King Tech Quadafi on December 26, 2006, 11:10:35 PM ---go clean nigga
--- End quote ---
WestCoasta:
me personally, I don't get paranoid... I have a strong will to just forget about shit
like if I'm paranoid, I can tell myself to stop bein a bitch and then it all goes away
but dude you sound like my brother about a year ago
he was havin anxiety attacks all the time, worrying about nonsense
he's done as much drugs as you say you've done and probably more
he was paranoid about everything
he was trippin so bad one time worryin about if this girl he was doin had AIDS and shit
and then he got tested and of course he's clean and then every after that he would bring it up
(although the clean test eased his mind)
I was just tryin to explain to him he's a nut as best I could, and then he eventually came around
and there's a ton of shit that he was stressin about dumb shit..
his behavior wasn't erratic, he wasn't acting like another person, he just had these overcoming thoughts he couldn't stop
and this was like 4 years from the last time he did any phsycadelics
he thinks he's definitely been changed by the drugs, and even today he's not paranoid but he still is about certain dumb things
he quit smokin bud for a couple months because he thought it might help
he really got his mind right and was doin better.... he smokes sometimes right now but that's only because I got it all over the house
but ya... maybe you should try to let it go.... it's tough, I've quit before and I'm eventually gonna have to quit for a long time comin up soon in my life... it's like you're losing an old friend and great memories and you don't wanna give it up
but it's really the best thing to do and after about a week you kinda begin to shake that need for the bud
your life flows a lot smoother without drugs... and definitely weed can change your thought pattern
I've quit multiple times over long long periods and I've noticed believe me
*about the people in your bathroom and you lockin your shit up and worrying about if they jack you
that's normal man, I'd do the same shit if I had roommates...
you got a right to be "paranoid" about that.... and don't give that up cuz people will jack you
We Fly High:
--- Quote from: West Coa$t on December 27, 2006, 12:02:23 AM ---his behavior wasn't erratic, he wasn't acting like another person, he just had these overcoming thoughts he couldn't stop
and this was like 4 years from the last time he did any phsycadelics
he thinks he's definitely been changed by the drugs, and even today he's not paranoid but he still is about certain dumb things
--- End quote ---
yeah that perfectly describes me..I remember you were posting about your brother in another thread.. im not acting all crazy and shit, like a different person, but i just have a lot of these ideas and thoughts that overwhelm my sensibility and reasoning. and its been about 4 years since i was fuckin with the psychadelics heavy.. I did shrooms a couple times in college, and one of the times was by myself, and that was the worst ever. my ex- good friend was warning me about these effects back in the day when i first started dablling in it. saying that her brother;s friend is feeling the after effects even like 10 years later.. too bad i didnt listen to her, and unfortunately, that was a friend i lost due to this schizo bullshit..
One of my good friends described it pretty well, about being very self consicous and over observative. Like i would have a tendency to hold back, because i would over analyze shit, like my own behavior
I dont know.. I gotta start just getting rid of everything in my house that has to deal with weed, blunts, lighters, ash trays, bongs, pieces.. everything.. but its going to be hard cos two of my roommates are probably even bigger stoners than me.. but hopefully my will is strong enough.. and I can start seeing some positive outcomes and results.
and with the position im in now at work, i think i can be taking much more advantage of it.. but i guess weed has made me very a motivational as well.. so im not doing as much as i could..
i dont know, maybe you could ask your brother about this too.. but i recently started developing like OCD. I used to not really care about washing my hands, only washing them if they were dirty.. but now I wash them like any chance that it gets slightly tainted.. and then i have a real bad problem with like organizing and re-organizing the same shit. like i only have so many cds and records, but im constantly taking them out and re-orrganizing them, realphabetizing them, constantly checking the inventory, and its just becoming stupid..
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version