Elements > Tha Studio

My 2nd ever Keystyle

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Suga Foot:
Y'all can check my first one out on the Kill Maxi Cypher thread:


--- Code: ---Call maxi-padz a taxi cab//
and send his ass to Trinidad//
Mr. Big Time?,nah he's Mr. Bite Rhymes//
He never came up with one rhyme that was his//
"gee maybe i'll bite this one time, no one cares"//
You're nuthin but a slutty keystylin ass whore//
This is what you get usin rhymes that ain't yours
--- End code ---


So here's my second one:

Retaliation, it's called get back//
nice t-shirt, mind if i wet that?//
faggots like you get their caps peeled back//
now i'm gonna tie you to a railroad track//
Honk, Honk, here comes the train//
Everybody, Everybody, here comes the pain//
Now the job is done, Suga Foot won//
looks to me like you've been outdone//
So the next time your bitch ass looks at me crooked//
please believe i gotta little somethin cookin//
close your eyes you'll see me//
And all i see is R.I.P.



I want some opinions, do y'all think it was wack?  good?  What do i need to work on?  I know the flow is a little bit 'elementary', but remember i'm just starting off.  holla!

KVB:
I think this one is much better than the one in the cypher... it's a good rhyme... you had some good punches.
You rhyme a bit elementary though, try adding some multis.

ZILLA THA GOODFELLA:
Pretty tight 4 a beat maker ;D
Beat makers suck at rhyming.......but Suga Foot rite here's steppin up.......That wasn't no Classic type of shit, But iit Good shit wit pretty coo punches.

Suga Foot:

--- Quote ---Pretty tight 4 a beat maker ;D
Beat makers suck at rhyming.......but Suga Foot rite here's steppin up.......That wasn't no Classic type of shit, But iit Good shit wit pretty coo punches.
--- End quote ---


yeah, i ain't tryin to be no superstar keystlyer, i've just really never tried writin rhymes before.  I have NO desire whatsoever to rap btw.  ;D

MsWestCoast:

--- Quote ---

yeah, i ain't tryin to be no superstar keystlyer, i've just really never tried writin rhymes before.  I have NO desire whatsoever to rap btw.  ;D
--- End quote ---

do your thing baby, i felt it  ;)i dont know this maxi-padz dude and im not sure that i really want to..lol..hes juss gettin str8 dissed haha & i dont see him baccin himself up on anythang..

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