Tell me what u think

[NollA_HollA_Boy]

(I was in a hurry to finish it cause I want u to all see this and tell me what you think so u can help me out and develope my character more, cause I need help in that and I need to learn some more gangsta slang cause I dont know that much about the some of the slang and thats it, hope u like it)

Yo....Yo
Yo...Yo
U can't fucking stop a rappa like me
gunna rise to the top and u cant stop me
im gunna be sometin big
yo get me a cig
fuck it
get me a blunt instead
and get some bitch over here to give me head
fuck it
I'll just take ten of dem to bed
and all of dem can give me head
that solves my problem right there
from getting close to one bitch instead


Yo whats my mother fucking name?
NollA HollA Boy
What are bitches to me?
just some fucking toys
How shiny is my bling?
It'll blind your eyes
Give me a blunt
and then lets get high

now u wanna no why I aint with a bitch and fuckin wid em
thats because I dont really trust em
the last bitch I let in fucked me over
cheated on me behind my back
damn that shit is wack
but now I'm very stunnin that I can give that bitch a heart attack
with one look she would faint and then look at me like I was a saint
she aint shyt
just another trick
she should go back to her corner
and go suck a filthy dick

Yo whats my mother fucking name?
NollA HollA Boy
What are bitches to me?
just some fucking toys
How shiny is my bling?
It'll blind your eyes
give me a blunt
and then lets get high

U think u know me?
U dont know shit
U just another stupid trick
clamin some bull shit
makin sham out of this rap game
i'm gunna give u pain
cause you bring sham
now u gunna be dead
I got my click to your head
click bang ya dead
nuttin mo said

[NoT]

Although you could pull off a decent audio if you have a good voice for text this piece is very shallow. Basically, you just ran through a string of elements that make up "the life" and made them rhyme. There was zero wordplay, very few multisyllable rhymes, and a lack of vocabulary. My advice:

1) Build your vocab up some.
Although you can get by with a merely average (if that) vocabulary you really need a deeper understanding of the language and the words that make it up to spit nice. All you can really do here is read quality novels and poems more often and try to use "bigger" words in real life (although I'm sure you already do that).

2) Work on using wordplay (metaphors, alliteration, and similes) as well as multi-syllable rhyming.
The best way to do this is to just write short 2-8 bar pieces packes with your best wordplay and featuring lots of multi-syllable rhymes. Once you get really comfortable with doing that then moving to longer verses should be an easy step to make.

Just keep working at it. You'll improve.

[NoT]

Come on, a bunch of ya'll have read this thing... give this cat some feedback...

[Maestro Minded]

well :-/ ... follow NoT's advice

[NoT]

follow NoT's advice

Always a good idea. j/k... damn I'm cocky!