Most of 2012 In Rewind

[TraceOneInfinite]

Lost days, lost weeks, rewind 2012 back
So that I can complete
My cipher, cause I think
That where there's a mental block
Your ship sinks
The damn heat
Burned up my whole summer
Dull youths, suppressed my wonder
Had a jeweled moon, she reflected my light
Kept me warm thru winters coldest nights
And for that Zara I'll always remembered
Even though it ended up fucked up and bitter
But I can't resent her, how can I
In this life her love was a rarity, so I can't deny
I don't deny her even though she denys me
Probably blocks me out of her mind, on the daily
But she saved me, when that past divorce mess could've derailed me
Lawyer stretched me out, but somehow I made it to spring
Though battered and bruised up
Morad stabbin me in the back was salt in my open cuts
But he's a different person than me, got to let bygones be
He paid me back like a man, so its dealt with honorably
Still sad about Zara and Morad though
Even if I can work it out mentally,
So I had to go back out in the tabligh path, to heal myself spiritually
Found some peace of mind in city of St. Lou
Tradin dawah in the way students of Mulauna Ilyas do
Had a nice girl or two after Z but ultimately the left me empty
Then it went from empty to angry, way I been feeling lately
Tried to go back out in tabligh to Texas this time
But good dawah was ate up, and there was no more piece of mind
Brothers have become stagnant
Ruqia distracted me yet lifted me to the sky
Till I felt I could see the soul of every passerby
Till I think of having a queen but then I think "why"
I'm on a solo mission, me myself and I
Till I die...
But wait that's not the conclusion
The summer brought more confusion
Blew up on Muhammad on ride back tried to shatter his allusion
But it didn't happen, found him rappin dawah in a gas station
That's just who he is, and for that I can't be hatin
The heat burned up my whole summer
While work had me stressed out in a cage
Its same story written before of my life, just added another page
TWZ gave me a voice, broadcast across the airwaves
Till Plain jane came and changed the game
Made the sweetness bitter before I could even make a name
The cipher sessions were dope
And I completed an evolution before that on a corner street
Rappin to strangers about my past life along the Agean sea
2012 saw the birth of the Mekkan Refugee
Late night talks with Ayesha were food for my creativity
Only to be back at work stressed out, humbled on the daily
So fuck you 2012, you gave me a hell from which I almost didn't recover
Somehow I lucked out on 4 stacks, which is no small wonder
So Ill take your tears and your bitter treatment out to sea
Cause once more the allure of Mama Africa calls out to me

[Hack Wilson - real]

twz was computer wires, not air waves

my problem is that 1/3 of 2012 is yet to take place

[TraceOneInfinite]

twz was computer wires, not air waves

my problem is that 1/3 of 2012 is yet to take place

Its poetry.. not meant to be taken so literal.  But yeah, technically it is computer wires, lol.   And I mentioned that 2012 still had some months left (or maybe I said it in the first one I wrote that was even longer than this but got lost when I clicked "post" so I had to try to write the whole thing over again and it came out different.. but anyway I digress)

[TraceOneInfinite]

Poverty overtakes me
And age does the rest
No new ideas when you hit 30
Just more years of stress
Every day get by in a mess
Wonder if life could suck any less
Cause if it does my threshold breaks
Succumb to the land of snakes
The dream Halima conveys
Saw my own vision, how Id live out my days
So far the script hasn't strayed
I'm sorry to my fathers mom
I read the Quran and get blazed
Not that it would matter anyway
I was a fuck up enough doing things moms way
But sorry I didn't make much of what u did for me
Sorry I didn't call much as you headed for eternity
Sorry I didn't really read the letters you sent to me
Didn't take heed to your advice
It was cause my mind was fucked up mentally
Missed those four years of highschool
As you tried to build a life for me
Had my future set up I just couldn't see
Couldn't see passed my past and losing Ashley
Nobody in my path really spoke any truth to me
I used adhedonia and psychic pain to lighten the force
But somehow Sept. 96 I had fallen off course
Granny I tried to explain to you but couldn't find the words
And it wasn't our families way so I just lived with the curse
Now I'm 30 and your just a painful memory
Somehow I wonder if that's the way it was supposed to be
I mean after all the things you did for me
Wish you could be proud wish I could honor your memory
But I'm just on the solo, no notions of family within me
Concept of family was washed away by age 15
Sometimes you still visit me in a dream
Your alive still and I get yet another chance
But its an eerie feeling and I'm too caught up in the trance
But now I lay me down to sleep
And this time if I see you I'm going to make peace
I'm gonna do it so that I can make my cypher complete
Going to tell you that I'm sorry
And that I couldn't do any better
That it should've been different
But that life moves any whether
We want it to or not
Wish I could of stopped it in 96
Before I ruined everything and failed your every wish
Is there anyway for peace for us
Maybe not I still don't see it
So for myself I move on, even though family concept long defeated
To complete my cipher I'll tell myself you made a unilateral agreement
To love and provide for me a life that I would grow to leave it
Guess every man has his own destiny no matter what granny guides
I tell myself that to continue my path, and Still I Rise