A poem about Daz which is complete garbage cos Im in the midst of psychosis

[Ebony Zebedee]

I seriously think Im a fuckwit
Cos Im addicted to daz
He's blocked my ass so many times cos I keep actin like a spaz
So I thought I'll write a poem
A little like an ode
Sept this time its the prince being testing by the toad
I just think he's really cute
I know he might be a bad man
I mean he's pretty fucking clear bout the laws of his land
I know he dont like snitches and Ive had to call the cops
I know he dont condone sucka shit on his shiny timely watch
I know he been working his ass off since he was about 16
Im a professional dole bludger and ex weed fiend
He obviously takes care of his responsibilities or he would have faded away
I can barely keep my head on straight and fuck up everyday
I know hes a father and a son and a cousin and a brother
Im just a single solitary snitch who cant even keep they ass undercover
Ive seen youtube productions by daz bout pimps and hoes
Pimps callin the women slaves and how they better bring back their dough
Ive hardly listened to his music but am fond of his voice
Still Ive disrespected him so many times and realistically its a choice
I could choose to delete this ornery shit and refuse to hit post
I am intentionally feeding my daz obsession even though its not a joke
I dont know why Im so obsessed
Im actually a little scared
Like how many times do I have to start shit knowing Im ill prepared
So I think he cute
So what
Who gives a flying shit
Im not the first bitch in the world to compliment him like a trick
So I think hes talented even though I cant recall even one gotdamn song
Ive searched him on wikipedia but those entries could be wrong
Ive listened to him on youtube and didnt like the joints I heard
I bought one of his albums but havent listened to the words
I blocked him on twitter and instagram hoping to prevent
Myself from mentioning or commenting or paying disrespect
I seriously just think hes attractive
Been eyein him off since I was 12
Or 13 or some godforsaken age
I just cant tell
Then I mention him in public and think Im setting myself up to lose
How many damn times do I have to be refused
I liked his wake and bake shit
I liked his actin out
I liked his constant posts of himself gettin about
I like that he's got charecter and seems quite strong compared to me
Ive never done a backflip
Or defeated an enemy
Sometimes I think his crazy cos of this gleam he got in his eye
Sometimes I think I should just shut the fuck up and let lust die
I dont even wanna fuck him
He way out of my league
Plus Im too bloody ugly to put any man at ease
I dont even know why Im writing this
Am I an attention grabbing whore?
Just because he followed me on twitter once before
I remember coming back from the shop after I saw his pic and tweeted
There was a notification on my phone sayin daz followed me
I couldnt believe it
I just sent a thank you tweet cos I didnt know what DM was
I went about my business
Treatin twitter like a blog
Then I couldnt sleep one night and was waitin for my dad  to leave
So I could creep out to the garage and steal some of his weed
It was 4am and I was so sick of being bored
I wasnt allowed to talk to myself cos dad could hear me through the walls
I finally learned what a DM was and sent one of em to daz
I said wake up dagnammit
He musta thought I was a spaz
He asked me wy@ and I flipped the fuck right out
Cos I didnt understand text talk and or know what he was on about
Long story short he posted a wake and bake
I got high and shut the fuck up till I acted like a skank
I sent him 2 naked pictures
And I knew very damn well that Im not fine
Cant remember if I deleted them but you best believe I would of tried
I sent him ridiculous messages for no apparent reason
Harming no one but myself except its still a form of treason
The last thing I wrote which resulted in being blocked
Is that I told him I cant condone his art which is complete and utter rot
So I immediately opened a new account
Didnt even know what a troll was
I do now and Im far from proud but with daz Im like a stray dog
So I opened an instagram and daz was one of many that I followed
Im getting the creepiest vibe writing this as if my words are borrowed
Like I know for all I know he's already got me back
For being the epitome of stupidity but then I think  a lil further back
First it was for some reason then its this or that
Fact is Im just an easy mark wide open to attack
Anyway
Daz posted a video asking if a certain so and so was a snitch
I said it depends and he flipped on me then blocked me so I bitched
I was like
How am I supposed to develop a crush on a 40 year old man if he blocks me
As if in some universe Im actually a fan
This reminds me of how I didnt know bikers ran all tattoo shops
Got no idea who daz connected to
Should be cautious stead of actin like I got chops
Im not sure if I'll even post this cos my heads starting to spin
But then Ive hallucinated I was getting wrestled tryin to escape the sin
Anyway
I really dont have much praise to give
Bad men can be handsome just like ugly bitches need to live
I bet everytime I say "he's cute" its like "ewwww this bitch is lame"
I bet everytime I mention him Im just cursin my own name
I bet everytime I remember having my daz dream
That its just a warning
A little bit like prophecy
I wasnt really obsessed but have felt this way since yesterday
Thinkin not checkin his page was a feat of fucking strength
I am quite aware of potential realities in the world
I dont even have to mention them
People are fucking little boys and girls and grown women and men
So if daz were to sow his wrath upon the canvas that is me
For acting like a complete and utter fuck wit
Let it be
But I couldnt just let it be cos I just cant be told
Wrote to the official dogg pound gangstaz as if Im not ready to fold
Then daz posted an email incase anybody wanna holla
I wrote a lengthy email in an attempt to apologize for dishonor
I hoped that that would be last he'd ever hear from me
I dont wanna mess with gangstaz or people who thrive on infamy
I hate that I do this everytime and I know Im gonna post
Its just pathetic and I can recognize this so why the fuck do I boast
Im sure thats how it seems
Like im big noting all this shit
I dont wanna use the tired excuse that Im schizophrenic
But I dont want daz to get me back for acting blind
Just had another dizzy spell while layin down cos Im over tired
Its taken me more than 2 hours to come up with absolutely nothing
I got nothing to say except he's cute and that feels like im pushing buttons
I spose Im putting some effort into trying to convey
Why I feel so obsessed with daz these last couple days
I could lecture myself till Im blue in the face
It wouldnt change a thing
I am so bloody wayward and never truly think bout things
And then when I do I go to such extremes
Knowing all too well that some thrive from victims screams
I just wanna participate but dont wanna be a fool
I wanna learn but Im too old to school
I wanna change and stop repeating old mistakes
I wanna stop admiring daz and his comely face
I like his mustache and didnt like it when he shaved
I liked his almond shaped eyes and lips and brows and deadly gaze
I dont know why Im drawn to him because I dont like bad men
I know they'll turn you out in a heartbeat and have you degrading yaself for ends
And I'll never have any idea what he's really truly like
I can only go on wate Ive been exposed to throughout life
I dont mind being square and lame but I hate being offensive
Which is why I dont wanna make excuses and act defensive
I just wanna write bout daz till I got nothing more to say
And all I really got is he's good looking everday
I used to be too shy to tell handsome men my name
Then I started embarrassing the fuck right out myself like I got no shame
Seriously
I am psychotic
But I cant keep using the excuse
That just because I am disabled that Im  somehow or way immune
I just hope daz treats me like I treat every dog that does me wrong
Which is ignore the little parasites and move right along

So be it
Such is life
Cay Serah
Bon voyage
Sigh on ara
Arrivadecci


This absolute bullshit kept me distracted for a couple hours and I deleted like 2 thirds of it

[Ebony Zebedee]

Ive read this and it doesnt really make sense towards the end
Definitely not an example of my capabilities as a poet
Just felt the need to express myself and am feeling kind of embarrassed cos Im so sensitive theze days
I just cant handle aggression anymore
I walk round my lil studio apartment talking to myself telling the occassional fly that invades my premises that I dont want to hurt it
Hopefully this will be the last I mention daz as Im just not equipped to deal with this pathetic obsession
I dont think about him very often but was checking his instagram posts every morning and then it dawned on me that Im no better than any other troll on the net when he has blocked me on numerous occassions
Hopefully this delusional lil poem will suffice for everything Ive got rattling around this addled brain of mine
Now Im just gon wait till my pay is processed and buy some smokes and pop pills all day to try and prevent another trip to the psych ward

[Ebony Zebedee]

#########So this is the apology I emailed to daz and now feel like a fraud cos I cant stick to fucking anything and I dont even know which fuck up of mine resulted in getting blocked#########

In no way shape or form do I expect acknowledgment or acceptance for this but I'm riddled with guilt. That's a weak point with me but it's also an attribute.


Eternal apologies for judging Daz.

I was wrong to use a blanket analysis of his art to justify my concern as a consumer.


I basically labeled Daz negatively due to a lack of appreciation for a culture and medium that in retrospect I can firmly state I have benefitted from greatly.


I'm just an over opinionated and outspoken person who thinks ideas that dawn upon them are original.


Rap has been criticized on so many levels.


I'm choosing to focus on the empowering aspects these days.


What I didn't convey to Daz when I unjustly insulted him was the education I've recieved about his and other artists communities. Something I can admit I probably would not have had the opportunity to learn about if I had not been attracted to the genre.


What I would like to clarify was that I was prompted to speak negatively due to a realization that I am potentially contributing to harmful activities in these communities by glorifying negatives and consuming the content.


Basically put, power of purchase.


That said, I do not feel artists are responsible for how people react to their art.


I have been lectured by CPO Boss Hog about the origins of Reality Rap, and am appalled that I resorted to blaming and shaming.


Because Daz has blocked me I'm worried my apology will be taken as intrusive. Would like to state that that is not my intention.


This situation reminds me of that line


"WHEN SHIT HIT THE FAN IS YOU STILL A FAN"


I like to acknowledge people and there are many voices in the community, all unique, valid and respectable to greater and lesser degrees depending on personal beliefs.


I'm a square these days so I tend to be more swayed by moralistic ideology but that does not negate the diverse ranges of expression that conflict with personal taste.


Im in the midst of psychosis atm so am probably rambling and will end this on an apologetic and hopeful note.


Sorry to disrespect you Daz. I hope you find more avenues to excel and wish you a satisfying and productive, prosperous life.


Enough said.


Ebony Bree Caple

[Ebony Zebedee]

I hate how people expect others to be submissive but dont respect vulnerability
I hate how all of a sudden telling the truth is considered a flaw
I hate how flawed logic is valued to a higher degree than certified facts
I hate how profitting through degradation is acceptable which inturn places value on the victim but the abuser claims to hold no high esteem for the abused
I hate how apparently its talented to be sneaky and makicious until your the one being subjected to abuse and then all of a sudden you develop a moral compass
I hate how basic human instincts are slowly becoming corroded until there is nothing left but a stain of innocence to remind you that being you are human you are subject to the exact same weaknesses as the next man regardless of how brave or connected or egotistical you are
Ive never met a bullproof person
Ive never met a person who cant be spiked
Ive never met a person who can 100% garuntee they cant be touched
But Ive met many, many people who assume that if they dont admit to being human and all that entails then they are in some way superior.

[Calilove661 2ndIINone]

Dude, he's not interested.

[Ebony Zebedee]

The more I read this the more embarrassed I am
I can write better bloody poetry than this crap

[Ebony Zebedee]

Dude, he's not interested.

Im not lookin for attention ya lil know it all
I was trying to distract myself from psychosis which provoked me to tag daz in numerous tweets yesterday which resulted in feeling like a pathetic troll where I spiral outta control and take advantage of a privilege which is what I consider internet activity and ended up fixating on my delusional behaviour which is uncalled for

[Sccit]

It's good cuz it's real

[Bacc II Baccas - Jason MRSA]

It's good cuz it's real

So you promote his stalking of Daz?

[Ebony Zebedee]

It's good cuz it's real

So you promote his stalking of Daz?

Yeah. I agree. I will lecture myself because I know trolling people is very antagonistic and undesirable

[Ebony Zebedee]

I cant believe this crap got so many views