Peep and crit please

[ill natural]

If silence is..

the cure, then maybe being mute is the antidote,
cuz my musics' a woman who's cute but can't elope,
With a little chance & hope this romance can grow...
but as soon as I get close to her... the answer's, no!
She's such a tease, so, too, is this pen & pad of mine.
But maybe they're akin to a car & its engines past its prime?
Well, the tension half the time is dispensed in half a rhyme,
But sometimes its this Mt. that I'm tense to have to climb,
Suspenseful wrath of mine, keeps my ink flowering petals,
But my sentence lacks a shine & something overpowering settles..

...In the pit of my stomach, where, later, butterflies hatch,
cause that first kiss of hiphop's like a lover's eye lash
long and lushes, batting as she flirts, whispering secrets.
So I tell her mine through a mic and wish her to keep it
close to her chest, I want her to squeeze the talent from me
with a hug so tight while confessing her plans to love me
Her flesh is a balanced humming sprinting over melodies
A challenge hunting a hint within spinning flows of energy
That mingle glow and gel with each single soul thas held a piece
A simple whole, but hells unleashed w/ every boo or scoff
And I'm back on stage again without a clue to floss;



I might add on to it depending on the crit, so please crit.

[da_notorious_mack]

damn that was hella ill...concept..flow..imagery had it all...

[ill natural]

Thanks dawg. Stay up

[ill natural]

Upping... stop sleeping on my ish.

[abstruse]

Nice keystyle. Like Mack said, the concept was nice, and the flow was on point, alongside the vocab and metas. Keep blessin..

[bez]

yer man it was dope.  Had sum nice sensitive lines and it was real loving adn touching and shit.

Keep droppin playa