Lifestyle > Sports & Entertainment

The Realest Fucker ALIVE (The Latest In Trauma's Real Series)

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Trauma-san:
Honestly, admit it.  Say what you want, make whatever jokes you want, but the Realest fucker walking the face of the earth right now is that Roy guy.  Come on.  A 600 pound tiger attacked him, and he defended himself with a MICROPHONE.  A MICROPHONE.  He saved his life with a MICROPHONE.  LOL.  You can't GET more real than that.  The Tiger attacked him, bit him in the throat, and drug him off stage; he hit it in the head with a microphone, LOL they let some fire extinguishers off to scare the tiger back to his cage, and what's this guy say?  "Don't hurt the cat"!  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  Here he is, lying on the floor, gushing blood out of a large hole in his jugular vein; and he has the presence of mind to tell them not to blame the cat.  

Then, next in this escapade into realness, he gets hauled off to the hospital, where he slips into critical condition; 4 days later, he's sitting up in bed, talking, and shaking hands with people.  He survived a tiger attack.  = REAL

Don Seer:
the only real he is.. is real lucky ;)

Trauma-san:
Yeah, but that's a sign of Realness, too.  Everything he touches turns out alright, he even survives Tiger attacks.  LOL.  Think of the ramifications of this.  He's like Tupac.  LOL.  Fuck that, Tupac never survived a tiger attack.  A TIGER ATTACKED HIM.  I mean... that's hardcore.  He can actually truthfully say

"Yeah, one of the most vicious animals on the planet, who weighs 4 times what I do, attacked me, and I beat him off with a fucking microphone".  

Come on.  Tell me you wouldn't brag about that.  I'd have t-shirts made.  I'd release documentary videos of me getting eaten up by the tiger for $30.00 on ebay.  I'd hold "How to survive a tiger attack (with only a microphone)" seminars.  This would get you on Leno.  

Adam Donnelly:
Why Real ?
People get attacked by Tigers and even Bears all the time in India And Im guessing more then 1 time.
So are they more real  ???

Trauma-san:
Did they fight the tiger off with a microphone?  I doubt it.  I revoke their real privelidges you so erroniously granted them!!!!!

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