just a lil poem

[kickz_deluxe]

just say whut u think about tha followin...when i wrote that i didnt want it to be such a skillthang.
itz more a poem than sumthin else yall know...


im runnin straight without any idea where//
im just hearin hate but need no ear to be aware//
im naked, hate it, feel cold but dont want anything to wear//
i searched for luck everywhere, found it , but arent there//


im flyin but dont know why//
im cryin without tears in that dry eye//
i try to stop lie but every person i see, make me shanghai//
and sometimez i wanna pray i cant find da sky//


im walkin but be stayin on da same spot//
while ma hearts livin up, ma souls briskin up//
i search 4 sadnezz allthough ma countryz an only blooclot//
im thinkin da whole time but just dont give a fuck//

[*Z* - The Queen of Dubcc]

i think its great, i like it tho
peace and keep it up!

[OLD ACCOUNT PLZ DELETE INDY]

Mmmmmmmmmm interesting.. good flow and just figuring out the total scheme.. but nice..

['Illicit']

hmm well, it was aight, few things i didnt get but nonetheless. its just that with poems, Im not saying i can do it better but, you should try to make it more complex, like after u first write it down, go over the whole thing again, use synonyms to rid yourself of simple words because then you rhyme on that basis and wind up bein stuck in it. or if you want it to sound simple make it interesting. yours was good at some points, but it coulda been better.  but like i said, i aint dissin your poem, each his own ya know and you know what your tryin to express, its not for me to see your thoughts behind it.  so keep it up.

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I think he'll be ok man... tight piece to

[*Z* - The Queen of Dubcc]

Posted by: Indecisive  Posted on: Yesterday at 05:42:55pm  
I think he'll be ok man...  tight piece to  

for real!

[kickz_deluxe]

thanx alot guyz.....yo feedback meanz alot ya know

peace