Author Topic: couple more jokes (Read 186 times)

smerlus · « **on:** May 27, 2004, 11:49:22 PM »

What do Oprah and Dr. Phil have in common?

A vagina
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So this woman is having a baby and passes out from the pain, when she wakes up im smashing her baby against the wall, she screams "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU ASSHOLE" and i tell her! "April fools! it was already dead!!"
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Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the otherside of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
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What does Micheal Jackson and Red Bull have in common?

They both come in little cans?
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What's the difference between a brand new Porsche and a pile of dead hookers?

I don't have a brand new Porsche in my garage.
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What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay.
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A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died."

The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you."

The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passed away.

The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"
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Z the laidback Virus · « **Reply #1 on:** May 28, 2004, 03:14:45 PM »

Wow,those jokes were absolutely unfunny....quite an achievement though: telling 8 jokes without even one of them being mildly amusing.

Well,at least you tried.That's worth something too..I guess

smerlus · « **Reply #2 on:** May 28, 2004, 04:25:32 PM »

Quote from: Z the laidback Virus on May 28, 2004, 03:14:45 PM

Wow,those jokes were absolutely unfunny....quite an achievement though: telling 8 jokes without even one of them being mildly amusing.

Well,at least you tried.That's worth something too..I guess

oh well, you didn't laugh. that's probably why i left out the "for a cocksucker that has an retarded ass animal for an avatar which he thinks is cool" out of the title

besides i don't think it would fit

white Boy · « **Reply #3 on:** May 28, 2004, 04:27:01 PM »

yea exept for

Quote

What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay

they were a let down from your other 1s

Don Breezio · « **Reply #4 on:** May 28, 2004, 04:29:14 PM »

Quote from: smerlus on May 27, 2004, 11:49:22 PM

What do Oprah and Dr. Phil have in common?

A vagina
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What does Micheal Jackson and Red Bull have in common?

They both come in little cans?
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What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay.

these were hilarious