My Audio !!!

[rafsta]

this is some audio i dropped, its only 430kb a 55 second track.... drop some feed back !!!!

http://s15.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0IPXOX9JYGV5D2GX0D8HSJ1EUN

[rafsta]

and these are the lyrics !!

the fire burnin in my eyes,
thousands candles lit,
thousands years of mental excersize,
can you blame me ?
angry, nah its no surprise,
fools plannin my demise,
i got my own desires,
wont sell my soul to any buyers,
wont mingle fuck petty liars,
words and actions i terrorise,
critisize,
get away with anything ? fuck no, break all ties,
thats for all the lies,
now all you got to offer is your worthless cries ?
please, thinner than mc donalds fries,
call me jonah lomu score more tries,
embodie all the lines, consistent with no lies,
they will never learn, stuck in their reprise,
what you win ? bein a wak kunt NO PRIZE,
cant help products of their own device,
wont accept facts, act stable but inside wak,
cant manage a track, often get slapped,
from the bass of raf, now can you fuck with that ?

[rafsta]

ey some feedback !!!

[Thirteen]

not too bad, your flow goes a little off in the middle but you go back on track...only other thing is with the lies in your rhyme scheme, it's really noticable that you use the word a few times (mixed with liar)

not too bad though

[rafsta]

cool, thanks for the feedback..

[Thirteen]

you might sound better if you did this over the "mind playing tricks on me" beat from the geto boys

[rafsta]

im lookin for a program to layer the mic over the beat, some quality would help... only got 4 days tho, so i wont be fuckin around no more for 6 months, just gonna be writin rhymes...

cheers for the feedbaack, i asked u coz we got our differences, i thought i'd be able to ocunt on ure honest feedback....

i find myself lisnin to it bulk, it sounds good in headphones coz its not in stereo, im recording the voice and music into one mic...

i was curious as to whether u could handle an aussie accent too, i useta not be able to lisn to OZ hip hop coz im so useta u.s hip hop...

[DAYUM]

this texas nigga will break u off bitch

[rafsta]

this texas nigga will break u off bitch

what you wanna battle ? or u dont like my drop ?

[Suga Foot]

are you serious?

[rafsta]

bit o feedback would be better than that...

[Suga Foot]

well I won't bother giving you feedback if you're not serious about it

[rafsta]

i guess i'll try harder next time...

[y.g.b._youngbugzy]

a lil short,and ya at a time a lil off beat..but koo word play..you should use cu base...its a koo program.
keep doing ya thang..
~1~
ygB

[The Prince 05]

good word play fam.  its coo.  heres my soundclick if u wanna check me out and holla back: 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/6/rareoneusamusic.htm