Helpdesk Nightmares

[Don Rizzle]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK.
Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK,
sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure,
you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put
the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened.
I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.) Tech
Support: "OK, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?" Customer: "I have done
something dumb, right?"
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One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in
her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual
the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not
going to read the book."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the
same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No.
Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me
what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove
the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer]
Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..."
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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the
'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Customer: "Huh...I need help unpacking my new PC." Tech Support: "What exactly
is the problem?" Customer: "I can't open the box." Tech Support: "Well, I'd
remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there." Customer:
"Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
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Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old
computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:/ and type
'dir'." Customer: reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'. Tech
Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again." Customer:
"Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support: "Hmmm. The
file's there in the correct place - it can't help but do something. Are you sure
you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?" Customer: "Yes, let me
try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support:
(now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the
key that says 'Enter'?" Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so
I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?
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At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the
location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset
barcode or using the number beneath the bars. Customer: "Hello. I can't get on
the network." Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open
an outage." Customer: "What is that?" Tech Support: "That little barcode on the
front of your computer." Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar
..."
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And the best for last!!!! Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this
install disk, and now my A: drive won't work." Tech Support: "Your A drive won't
work?" Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my
drive, now it won't work at all." Tech Support: "Did it not install properly?
What kind of error messages did you get?" Customer: "I didn't get any error
message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these
pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either." Tech Support: "You did
what sir?" Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it
wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit." Tech Support:
"I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?" Customer: "No, so then
I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the
butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the
pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was
broken and defective." Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted
butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?" At this point, I
put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you
just said?" Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy
disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out." Tech Support: "Did you push
that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you
know, the thing called the disk eject button?"  Silence.  Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes." Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?" Customer:
"No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for
breaking my computer!" Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to
sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the
instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't
consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead
proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm." Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since
we do record every call and have it on tape?" Customer: (now rather humbled)
"But you're supposed to help!" Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is
nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."    

[broken_sword]

props!
some of these stories are hilarious.

[white Boy]

^yep

[Doggystylin]

Customer: "Huh...I need help unpacking my new PC." Tech Support: "What exactly
is the problem?" Customer: "I can't open the box." Tech Support: "Well, I'd
remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there." Customer:
"Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

LMAO