West Coast Connection Forum

Lifestyle => Tha G-Spot => Topic started by: Liquid-Dogg on August 30, 2007, 03:36:37 PM

Title: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Liquid-Dogg on August 30, 2007, 03:36:37 PM
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Don Jacob on August 30, 2007, 03:38:58 PM
gaytarded
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Liquid-Dogg on August 30, 2007, 03:54:51 PM
hey kid, when you've been part of dubcc for as long as me, then you can leave comments like that

Gayboy!
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Now_Im_Not_Banned on August 30, 2007, 05:35:14 PM
^^LOL@that.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: .:DaYg0sTyLz:. on August 30, 2007, 05:45:03 PM
Lessons in politics from a country that plays follow the leader and still has a "Royal Family" lol
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Don Jacob on August 30, 2007, 06:56:35 PM
Quote from: Sticky-Toez on August 30, 2007, 03:54:51 PM
hey kid, when you've been part of dubcc for as long as me, then you can leave comments like that

Gayboy!

are you trying to assume some kind of seniority over me

http://www.youtube.com/v/EvtQG7hyRqQ

Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Liquid-Dogg on August 31, 2007, 01:39:46 AM
Quote from: Don Jacob on August 30, 2007, 06:56:35 PM
Quote from: Sticky-Toez on August 30, 2007, 03:54:51 PM
hey kid, when you've been part of dubcc for as long as me, then you can leave comments like that

Gayboy!

are you trying to assume some kind of seniority over me

http://www.youtube.com/v/EvtQG7hyRqQ



ummm yes...i believe i am...gayboy!
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Teddy Roosevelt on August 31, 2007, 11:00:39 AM
You try taking over this country and see what happens mother fucker.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Tanjential on August 31, 2007, 11:08:23 AM
I want cali to secede so the feds stop raiding the canna-clubs.

-T
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Smoke Break on August 31, 2007, 12:08:00 PM
suck a dick, you bitch
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Sikotic™ on August 31, 2007, 12:13:32 PM
Why did I waste my time coming in here? I thought we were gonna sign a petition so I could make some fake ass names and fuck everything up.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Michael on August 31, 2007, 12:29:56 PM
lmao that was funny  ;D
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Tanjential on August 31, 2007, 01:42:51 PM
yeah that shit is old. i remember getting an email with this shit when i was in high school

-T
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Fuck Your Existence on August 31, 2007, 02:14:36 PM
Quote from: Sikotic Is Back Like Cooked Crack, Ya Dig? on August 31, 2007, 12:13:32 PM
Why did I waste my time coming in here? I thought we were gonna sign a petition so I could make some fake ass names and fuck everything up.
lmao.i do the same shit @ places like wal-mart. I hate the those pushy ass mutha fuckas tryin to get you to sign shit,not cause of the issue but how much money they get for each signature.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: BritneySpears on August 31, 2007, 05:21:37 PM
VADER
ABRAHAM
4
LIFE!
(http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/8922/spa0624bc9.jpg)
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Don Jacob on August 31, 2007, 06:49:47 PM
Quote from: Sticky-Toez on August 31, 2007, 01:39:46 AM
Quote from: Don Jacob on August 30, 2007, 06:56:35 PM
Quote from: Sticky-Toez on August 30, 2007, 03:54:51 PM
hey kid, when you've been part of dubcc for as long as me, then you can leave comments like that

Gayboy!

are you trying to assume some kind of seniority over me

http://www.youtube.com/v/EvtQG7hyRqQ



ummm yes...i believe i am...gayboy!
<----- OG since 1999 son, lol
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Low Key on August 31, 2007, 11:47:40 PM
If a Brit ever said any of that shit to me in person, I'd jaw them.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Liquid-Dogg on September 01, 2007, 11:22:11 AM
Quote from: Low Key on August 31, 2007, 11:47:40 PM
If a Brit ever said any of that shit to me in person, I'd jaw them.

let's me honest......you wouldn't would you?




i never understand why people feel the need to make them sound solid on the internet
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Sikotic™ on September 01, 2007, 11:23:41 AM
Quote from: Low Key on August 31, 2007, 11:47:40 PM
If a Brit ever said any of that shit to me in person, I'd jaw them.
No homo.........I couldn't resist.
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: D-Reborn on September 01, 2007, 04:23:19 PM
fuck this thread

 8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America
Post by: Low Key on September 01, 2007, 06:14:19 PM
Quote from: Sticky-Toez on September 01, 2007, 11:22:11 AM
Quote from: Low Key on August 31, 2007, 11:47:40 PM
If a Brit ever said any of that shit to me in person, I'd jaw them.

let's me honest......you wouldn't would you?




i never understand why people feel the need to make them sound solid on the internet


I sure would. I'm not a gangsta, a thug, I don't own a gun, I haven't been to jail, but it would be very easy for me to sock a guy in the jaw for talking shit, especially when it's that holier than thou bullshit. In fact, I'd just be following rule 14 of that retarded list.

Quote from: Sikotic Is Back Like Cooked Crack, Ya Dig? on September 01, 2007, 11:23:41 AM
Quote from: Low Key on August 31, 2007, 11:47:40 PM
If a Brit ever said any of that shit to me in person, I'd jaw them.
No homo.........I couldn't resist.

Thanks Sik. It's just a not real dubcc thread without your commentary.