West Coast Connection Forum

Elements => Tha Studio => Topic started by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 01:38:14 PM

Title: Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciated.
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 01:38:14 PM
Subway; Vocals By Babylonz Chyld. (Aka Jemuel) Also, The Hook Is sung, since my singing voice is back!!  ;D

Babylon -

I saw beauty on the subway, she was 17 figures.../
Settled in a heavenly figure,  divine in some way.../
It was sun rays for hair,  skin tone, was the same affair.../
As we exchanged a stair, She was pitching me hooks.../
It was hotter then a arsonist when he fixing to cook.../

Every other day switching her looks, pleasing her eyes../
She was an such an ease to describe, a feast to desire.../
A Queen to the Sire, Her own accent squeezing the fire.../ (Hot...)
Curious looks meeting prior to her dramatic departure..,/
Making the rest look bland, who couldn't try harder.../

HOOK

"Now I'm on my way, to the studio, on the subway..."
'When I see your beautiful eyes...'
'On Me'
'Calling'
'When I hear you beautiful voice...'
'Singing'
'Your songs...'
"I remember the Subway."

Aint no accident that Latin blend of ya satin skin.../
A milky chocolate with the caramel wrapped within.../ (Man...)
Masking men, got'em acting then, well fame is mocking.../
My game is sloppy, Got me straight up yelling out ya name like Rocky.../

Part 1, you know Im hoping there's more parts to this.../
Maybe a little partial kiss, With looks like that girl you too hard to miss.../
My chance to, romance you, a hundred roses, and a dance too.../
You know this kind of attraction only happen when the moon cast blue.../
 
HOOK

"Now I;m on my way, to the studio, on the subway..."
'When I see your beautiful eyes...'
'On Me'
'Calling'
'When I hear you beautiful voice...'
'Singing'
'Your songs...'
"I remember the Subway."

Im thinkin bout adding 2 more bars/ 4 more lines at the end for a hott finnisher what yall think?
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: bez on August 26, 2003, 02:09:13 PM
I liked it man, cant wait to actually hear it.
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 02:20:22 PM
anyone gonna critique it or something...come on...lol..some consrtuctive critisism, it was my first attempt at a love song...

Thanks for the feed like always Bez...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: Maestro Minded on August 26, 2003, 02:47:28 PM
that shit was ill.. but you had some fucked up bars, like

It was hotter then a arsonist when he fixing to cook.../

My game is sloppy, Got me straight up yelling out ya name like Rocky.../

thoose bars just dont fit in....

if you edited those bars, it would almost be perfect


GREAT first attempt.. props
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 04:05:33 PM
uppin for some feed please...quit sleepin on a nigga im givin yalls feed
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: ·SiNiStEr· on August 26, 2003, 04:19:03 PM
add a fews bars to each.. hard to crit this cuz flow is essential
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 04:22:27 PM
Quote from: ·SiNiStEr· on August 26, 2003, 04:19:03 PM
add a fews bars to each.. hard to crit this cuz flow is essential

cant add new bars to each... thats how it goes with the beat...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: 8Trikz on August 26, 2003, 04:25:51 PM
nice...like sin said kinda hard to critiq diss shit...sound like one of dem songs like fab's "Into You"...ready ta hear it...i should put my prototype of dat otha track I'm doin on tha demo ta see wut folk think of it...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 04:29:32 PM
Quote from: 8trikz on August 26, 2003, 04:25:51 PM
nice...like sin said kinda hard to critiq diss shit...sound like one of dem songs like fab's "Into You"...ready hear it...i should put my prototype of dat otha track I'm doin on tha demo ta see wut folk think of it...

F-A-B-O!...lol into you's ill, but mines got more meaning in it then the regular love song does, kinda personal...lol metaphors with it too...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: .:TimeLock:. on August 26, 2003, 04:33:20 PM
i liked it man the second verse was tighter than the first to me
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: .:DayGoStyLz:. on August 26, 2003, 05:35:50 PM
good shit man, quit sympin tho...lol
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 26, 2003, 05:46:27 PM
Quote from: .:DayGoStyLz:. on August 26, 2003, 05:35:50 PM
good shit man, quit sympin tho...lol

dayum...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: Slim-x on August 29, 2003, 06:44:33 PM
(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/smiley1055.gif)

Was Up

Cool Song Fo Real

You Need Ta Add A Female To It..
With a Latin Beat In Tha Background...

That Shit Would Be Hot....

DarkCide Records

Kevin Knight.
(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/smiley1055.gif)
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: ARYC on August 30, 2003, 01:14:12 AM
"Im thinkin bout adding 2 more bars/ 4 more lines at the end for a hott finnisher what yall think?"

i hate muchy rap(and i mean hate)
so just say:

"u like this whisky and extasy? here drink sum more/
and sign this contract: if we go broke i'm a pimp ur ma hore/" ;D

and i'lle happy
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: T.J. on August 30, 2003, 01:21:29 AM
Quote from: SicStyle on August 30, 2003, 01:14:12 AM
"Im thinkin bout adding 2 more bars/ 4 more lines at the end for a hott finnisher what yall think?"


just say:

"u like this whisky and extasy? here drink sum more/
and sign this contract: if we go broke i'm a pimp ur ma hore/" ;D




yeah man, i hate really mushy mushy rap. leave that shit to diddy and fab.
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: |JEM|ILL| on August 30, 2003, 08:14:08 AM
Quote from: T to tha Jizzay on August 30, 2003, 01:21:29 AM
Quote from: SicStyle on August 30, 2003, 01:14:12 AM
"Im thinkin bout adding 2 more bars/ 4 more lines at the end for a hott finnisher what yall think?"


just say:

"u like this whisky and extasy? here drink sum more/
and sign this contract: if we go broke i'm a pimp ur ma hore/" ;D




yeah man, i hate really mushy mushy rap. leave that shit to diddy and fab.

2 outta about of a couple hundred cats had sumthin negative?

An' slim that point of the song is not to have a Female singer on it im doin all vocals since i can also sing. And yea I gotta latin beat in the shit mayne...
Title: Re:Lyrics To my first Demo Track...Subway... Feedback would really be appreciate
Post by: ARYC on August 30, 2003, 09:34:03 AM
"since i can also sing"

i tried to sing once......it made my family want to denounce me...