Everbody on this page gonna feel ma rage and gonna be maybe a lil bit sage, though u'all couldnt be sage cuz yo brainz in cage, u'all throw wid blazez , while livin in chasez of yo own facez, cuz yo facez phase in Naziplacez, but u'all out of place in this world, cuz every1 of u feel da world absurd!
1 time 3rhymez, 1 time 4, 1 time 6 rhymez, 1time--------------POOR!
We all sittin here and waitin of our light-tot
While da pope pop wid his own "god"
He dont know what god is, n dont knaow what he do's a god-diss! Aint even believe a lot!
Till he setle to nettle da humenrace in squad, face to face against yoself, against maself and theirselfz, but not, think not about the others , they got even great, nice motherz, though somethimez they brew , spew botherz, r fuckin liezguyz, but criez a lot in da own tot, squat in their home, and sometime get chocked some!
Fuck dis bitchez, fuck da father ditchez bitchez, who made him rich, but aint nuttin but a bitch, pitch his dick up theyr a sin, but i'd pitch it faster up than gina lynn! Then pick him up to get some nuttz and a lot buttz, fuck dis slutz, damn i hate, but that i met'em was ma fuckin FATE!

*nah man... you gots potential.. just need to seperate the ryhming words with bars.. so we can read it easier.. like this... example i have here..


I ryhmed in bars, so you all can read it//
Kept the lock of my ryhmes, so the newbies could theive it//

^^ like that mayne.. but you good.. keep it up tho!

Peace! ~ 1 ~

it was ok, nothing special, peace.

I just grow in crux// and im proud of it, i aint a girl like the other kookz// all da fuckers sucked their dicks up and rooked // ...me! stuck in da same shit and hooked//... on da same spit., a lil bit hoot and everything's good// thats dumb man, read ma mind now like u do wid a book// then lead off and pick me up, take ma breath off, and oitch me up// BITCH ! No1 has ever stop to put me out but no1 understood that they pu me up!// im still alive cuz ive ever put me up in dis live // but u nevertheless strive me and strike to spite me , DONT LIKE ME!//
But i dont give a fuck u slutz, ive never clutch yo buttz, secretly wanna step yo nuttz// dont give a fuck if u take cutz or manage ma gunz , damn// though u yell im drop on da Ku-Klux-clan// fuck u! Fuck it, fuck u all for hate me more then i can// anyhow, u crow wid yo past// at last: lets quarrel who had da worst childhood!// thats sick and fucked up cuz i wanna never feel yo blood// u vanished and came back to me in da same bootz// fuck , boobz, u'll never change, da bodys on yo records r yo goodz// ive never feel such things like that, but other things, ma own thing// so i sing how i flee to ma see of thoughts and i brought ma fee to//
But u all bitchez have a hitch in da head and ditch me screamin:" SHIT ON U !"//
U dont think one moment about da hurtz i got// i broke up to spoke about da life , tod,// hope god bless u , cuz imma stress u , till u gas or fess , better do some cess cuz or ur gonna mess it up// thats what i want: ive kept it every hour every minute , every secund up// imma win it, every honor every spirit, cuz i know i'll never stop!// so i bowl u rollin down, u clown and keep ma crux in da palm// and keep up to ask ma god for trouble, as if in trouble is some calm!//

Now tell me how u'all feel this!?

then try gettin some good writtens before you just go all out freestyle.. think about a topic and expand on it.. then everything else will come along..

soon you will incorporate multis and metaphors. is all good..

i think they still have the same topic.. we all heard that commercial shit talkin bout cars, hoes, and clothes or wuteva.. tell a story or use some metaphors to make it interesting to read.. break your rhymes down into bars too..