Check out these hilarious stories.

[Sikotic™]

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting
pregnant, and calls a vet for help.

The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The
farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to
display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs
are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and
will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs himself.
So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has
sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all
still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and
loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, has sex
with each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One
more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them
out to the woods. He spends all day with them and, upon returning home,
falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the
pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in
the mud.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the
horn."  


Four nuns died simultaneously in a car crash and arrived at the
pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Have you ever
touched a penis?" "Yes, father," she replied, "I once touched a
man's penis with the very tip of my finger." "Swish that
offending finger in holy water," St. Peter instructed, "say a
prayer begging forgiveness, and cross over into the promised
land."

The second nun said, "Yes, father, I once touched a man's penis
with my whole hand." St. Peter instructed this second offending
girl to douse her entire hand in the holy water, say two prayers
begging mercy, and proceed to heaven.

As nun #3 approached, nun #4 shoved her aside, "Father," she
shouted, "if you expect me to gargle with that crap AFTER she
dunks her ass in there, you've got another thing coming!"  



A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while
stationed in Saudi Arabia a few months ago. So she sends him a
care package.

He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds
that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of
his favorite TV shows.

He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting
around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some
episodes of South Park. Right in the middle of one episode the
tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his
best friend's dick.

After a few seconds, he does his business in her mouth and she
turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie
dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I
want a divorce."  



There was a young pretty virgin girl who lived with her grandma.
She was invited to go on her first date. Before the date her
grandma took her aside and said to her, " The boy is going to
try to kiss you; you will like that. But don't let him do it.
The boy will try to feel your breast; you will like that. But
don't let him do it. The boy will try to put his hands between
your legs; you will like that. But don't let him do that. The
boy will try to get on top of you and have his way with you.
Most certainely don't let him do that. He will disgrace your
dear family if you let him do that."

The girl went on her date and when she came back her grandma
asked her how it went. The young girl said, "It was just like
you said Grandma! But, to reassure you. When he tried that
business with getting on top of me, I rolled him over, got on
top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"  



Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to
do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a
guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be
parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How
much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is
thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks,
"What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a
hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants,
and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and
then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and
asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"  

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she
puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in
the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he's in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to
protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a
car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her
little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes, it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the
hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball
and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the
profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS? That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right
now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father
explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes
into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark
in here, isn't it?" To which the priest exclaims, "Don't you start that
shit in here."  

[TheSheriff]

ROFLMAO

Funny shit, man.

[Now_Im_Not_Banned]

Nice post, Bdogg...
I got some also...


There's this guy who has a problem, he has 3 testicles, so he goes to the doctor and doesn't know how to explain this to him. He tells the doctor, "look, me and you put together have 5 testicles." So the doctor says "You have four testicles?"...

There's 3 people on an airplane. One is a Mexican, one is a Jew, and one is an Arabian. The airplane is about to crash, because there is too much weight on it. So the Captain says, "everyone has to throw one of their heavy items". The Mexican throws down all his Diamonds and expensive Jewlery. The Jew throws down all his money, and the Arabian throws down a bomb. They land succesfully. The next day the mexican see's this Bum on the street laughing and acting very happy, so the Mexican asks him 'Why are you so happy?' and the Bum replies "I was sitting down, eating this bread, and a bunch of Jewlery fell from the sky." Then the Jew see's this little kid smiling and holding a bunch of money in his hand, he asks the kid where he got that and the kid says "It just fell from the sky." Then the Arabian guy see's this fat kid laughing, and he asks the kid "why are you laughing?" The kid replies "I farted and the building blew up"...

[Mr_Loc]

hehehehehehe good shit fellas.

heres another:

A woman was taking a shower one day when she heard a knock at the door. she turned off the water and shouted "Who is it?". "It's the blind man" was the reply.

Having forgotten to take a towel in with her, she goes to the door naked, doesnt matter since its the blind man.

So she opens the door and the man says "Whoa nice tits. Would you like to buy some blinds?"

[Sikotic™]

LMAO!!!!

[Now_Im_Not_Banned]

LOL...

[HHH]

..............

[R-CEE]

i got a short story,,,its hard to type,,,i remember it from when i was little



an old man an his old dog were sitting outside a country gas station when a customer pulls up..
it was a young man
he looked at the old dog that was sittin there,,, lickin his balls
the youn man said to the old dude
man i wish i could do that
the old man replied,,,,,,
i wouldnt try it,,,,
he might bite you

[Smooth]

haha damn... this shit's got me crackin up

[TheSheriff]

hehehehehehe good shit fellas.

heres another:

A woman was taking a shower one day when she heard a knock at the door. she turned off the water and shouted "Who is it?". "It's the blind man" was the reply.

Having forgotten to take a towel in with her, she goes to the door naked, doesnt matter since its the blind man.

So she opens the door and the man says "Whoa nice tits. Would you like to buy some blinds?"

don't mention naked women! though i like them, they get me immensely hard, hemhem...

I got a funny thing...

NotGhetto101's Uzbekistani hut.

[Now_Im_Not_Banned]

I'm 14...

[Doggystylin]

LOL!

[Nima - Dubcnn.com]

ROTFLMAO that was some funny ass shit!!!

[bez]

LOL