my newest song..need feed back..please!

[Nightmare]

[This song is going to be a slow..rap...and dark and slow beat..kinda like a sad kinda beat...tell me what u think..its kinda done im not sure yet need your opinnion!]


All I want is one chance
to prove to everyone around here
that I have what it takes to survive
prove to all my friends
so they stop to lie
my rhymes are good enough to take me high
i can tell that my friends lie
and I know they dont think i can do this
by taking one good look in there eyes
but I'm going to prove to them all
before I die
I will make one demo
and it could change my life
not sure what it will do
but it might take me high
bring me to the big-time
end up on mtv
and wanting to see the faces of my friends
when they see me
i dont care if u dont want me on top
im going to make my way up there if u like me or not
I knew from day one that im going to be big
i just need one chances to prove to all of these kids
that I'm just not another one hit

I just want one chick
one thats not a fucking bitch
somebody that wont play me
ignore me
and doesnt treat me like shit
the only good thing my ex girl friend did
is help me bring out this rappin shit
she played me and pissed me off
i started spittin some rhymes
and started to realize this
that I got some skill from that one bitch
im thankful for it

I just need one stage
filled with fans
kids mosh pittin in the stands
and one mic thats in my hand
press da on button
then turn up kloqs beat
and then with one breath
start rhyming until I can't
after that
every single-person will wanna touch my hand
they'll ask for more
and start shoutin my name from the stands
after the show they ask for millions of auto-graphs
with that one stage
i will gain some fame
and alots of fans

all i want is one pound of weed
some papers or a pipe
a lighter
and then smoke up durin the night
pick up a pencil
try to write a great song
and then I'll finally be glad
no more writters block
no more stress
finally kloq will be proud to produce my shit
and after this
who knows
maybe some record company will love listenin to it

with one record contract
i will have more money in my hands
and some bling blingin ice
it would be better then the ice i got
cause the only ice i got is in my soda pop
i dont care if im not iced out
i will be soon
when i get my first cd
I hope lots of people buy it
get more fans
get noticed more
maybe I can get a hot girl
one thats not cheatin bitch
but is supporten me
after my cd's out
ill make a video
and have it played on trl
better some of the shit I see on that channel
some musicians take the fame for granted
people would just kill to be were some of the top musicians are
but they spend most of there money on too many cars
i would give up my life to be up there
there isnt anything good around here
nothing for me
i want this so bad
and I'm not going to let anyone take it from me
the only way u can
is if u kill me
so step up and try to kill me
ill take all your bullets and still be here
there isn't nothing you can do
i show no fear
im my own mother fuckin worst nightmare
i tear myself apart
im going to be the end of me
im going to cause my own death
but before i go i hope to produce one rap
and after that maybe my dream will come true
hopefully it will pull my out of my own nightmare
take me away from this hell
the demon in me is tearin me apart
i have to get this goal done
i have to do it
there isnt anything else
theres nothin for me
i'm going to make it
im gunna be one of the best M.C.'s
when I die
i hope everybody will remember me
and my crazy dream..