Author Topic: My 2nd ever Keystyle (Read 107 times)

Suga Foot · « **on:** March 04, 2002, 06:05:07 PM »

Y'all can check my first one out on the Kill Maxi Cypher thread:

Call maxi-padz a taxi cab//
and send his ass to Trinidad//
Mr. Big Time?,nah he's Mr. Bite Rhymes//
He never came up with one rhyme that was his//
"gee maybe i'll bite this one time, no one cares"//
You're nuthin but a slutty keystylin ass whore//
This is what you get usin rhymes that ain't yours

So here's my second one:

Retaliation, it's called get back//
nice t-shirt, mind if i wet that?//
faggots like you get their caps peeled back//
now i'm gonna tie you to a railroad track//
Honk, Honk, here comes the train//
Everybody, Everybody, here comes the pain//
Now the job is done, Suga Foot won//
looks to me like you've been outdone//
So the next time your bitch ass looks at me crooked//
please believe i gotta little somethin cookin//
close your eyes you'll see me//
And all i see is R.I.P.

I want some opinions, do y'all think it was wack? good? What do i need to work on? I know the flow is a little bit 'elementary', but remember i'm just starting off. holla!

KVB · « **Reply #1 on:** March 04, 2002, 06:12:45 PM »

I think this one is much better than the one in the cypher... it's a good rhyme... you had some good punches.
You rhyme a bit elementary though, try adding some multis.

ZILLA THA GOODFELLA · « **Reply #2 on:** March 04, 2002, 06:19:24 PM »

Pretty tight 4 a beat maker

Beat makers suck at rhyming.......but Suga Foot rite here's steppin up.......That wasn't no Classic type of shit, But iit Good shit wit pretty coo punches.

Suga Foot · « **Reply #3 on:** March 04, 2002, 06:22:57 PM »

Quote

Pretty tight 4 a beat maker
Beat makers suck at rhyming.......but Suga Foot rite here's steppin up.......That wasn't no Classic type of shit, But iit Good shit wit pretty coo punches.

yeah, i ain't tryin to be no superstar keystlyer, i've just really never tried writin rhymes before. I have NO desire whatsoever to rap btw.

MsWestCoast · « **Reply #4 on:** March 04, 2002, 09:10:22 PM »

Quote

yeah, i ain't tryin to be no superstar keystlyer, i've just really never tried writin rhymes before. I have NO desire whatsoever to rap btw.

do your thing baby, i felt it ;)i dont know this maxi-padz dude and im not sure that i really want to..lol..hes juss gettin str8 dissed haha & i dont see him baccin himself up on anythang..

Hittman · « **Reply #5 on:** March 05, 2002, 04:33:26 AM »

Quote

Retaliation, it's called get back//
nice t-shirt, mind if i wet that?//
faggots like you get their caps peeled back//
now i'm gonna tie you to a railroad track//
Honk, Honk, here comes the train//
Everybody, Everybody, here comes the pain//
Now the job is done, Suga Foot won//
looks to me like you've been outdone//
So the next time your bitch ass looks at me crooked//
please believe i gotta little somethin cookin//
close your eyes you'll see me//
And all i see is R.I.P.

This Was Nice, Your Bars Are Way Too Short, Once You've Wrote It Then You Can Easily Just Make It Longer And Expand It. Work On Wordplay - Once You Got It, You Got It....Keep At It.