Three Candels (poem, feedback please!)

[Pillow]

A lil extra time on my hands on this christmas eve, so i wrote a poem, please lemme know what yall think, thanks.


round table...
three candles lit...
the last moment i inhaled, was the last moment i left sound
sitting with three candels on a table, darkness surrounds
a small room inside of me, i am trapped in my emotion
but as the light seems to flicker on, i bathe in bloods ocean
sitting in a wood chair, i start to slide around the table
holding on to the edges, wishing there was an angle
but its round, my skin shreds as it shows friction its strength
the candles are my only solace, yet darkness is at its bank
i have to stay angry, yet soon i feel i have to forgive
even though the anger and loathing i don't want to forget

the chair slows
dimmer

round table
two candles lit
the darkness reluctantly creeps closer, its fingertips bearing
but its closer than i wish, because its black i am wearing
staring into the darkness, i see no end to the bleekness
but the candel still shines, adding muscle to my weakness
the army of warmth seems to fight outward to demons
yet i can't stay tense, i can't find enough reasons
holding what breath i have, i am scared for what comes next
making my blood gush in my veins, i am trying my best
again the woodens chair spins, as well as my dazed notions
and the second candel flickers out, sounding in explosions

the chair jogs
darker

a long, bigger, oval table
one candle burns
i can see the eyes of the monster staring into mine
slashing into the nothing, i leave nothing behind
keeping the light as my armor, i think of the bad times
and how i did my best to remain calm, but was left crying
the dark beast won't stay, and im barely able to be stable
the chain on my neck glitters dimmer than the wood table
i feel the wispers of breath suddenly begging to take death
i exhale once again, giving the darkness what is left
i am staring to the ceiling of this small, airless cubicle
but all i see is black, all a shadow, dissapointing as usual
staring into the flame, each thought makes the light grow dimmer
but i want to grab the light, striving as it shrinks thinner
growling and screaming, reaching, striving for the light
the darkness grabs ahold of my legs, so begins the fight
thinking of how it was, how decieved i felt, so crazy
afterword how i hit bottom, crying so aimlessly
but i can't fight this powerful hunger, to be normal again
smile and have fun, the chair, no, it starts to spin
around the table, faster than the times before
feet dragging against the dirt, black marks from the floor
its creeping up my legs, the candel, it seems to hate me
as much as i hate myself, loathe, im going crazy
its not even a flicker, the darkness has crept like its lazy
and the chair spins faster, without an inhale, it slays me
the light flickers out

peace.....

~Blanket~

[Kill]

You got impressive poetic skills...wonder how close this is to your real life feelings

[Reef]

You got impressive poetic skills...wonder how close this is to your real life feelings

Word, its a creative style too.. Id like to see alot more of ur poems

[__kaLipZo__]

that shit weirded me out...maybe cuz im baked..ill read it tomorrow again

[bez]

Dam man that was sweet, I loved the 2nd part  of it, it flowed well and that, the whole thing was a good read. Keep it up!

[Pillow]

Thanks for the feedback every1, i appriciate it. more feedback is welcome