I Don't Know Who Wrote This But I Found It In My Phone

[Cubic Zirconia]

Ive have lived experience of being consumed with hate
Drove me to to livid and vivid vicious attacks against others who chose to bait
They were sneaky and conniving
They were trying to confuse
So Ive lashed out at them physically or verbally
But I cant excuse
Although I was provoked
I cant seem to justify
Threatening to burn some cunt alive
Even though they deprived
I cant explain it very well
Other than feeling possessed
Obsessed
Controlled
By emotion and a desire to seek revenge
I felt so cold
I felt a heightened sensitivity toward abuse and lies
Due to abuse I felt compelled
But it was a living fucking hell
Hard to describe
I was overcome with a sense of rage
Appalled
Never satisfied
Just seething with resentment
No fear
Till I arrived
At this point of true awareness where it hits home for me
The facts
I’ll never be able to beat them all or defend against revenge attacks
My methods were so simple
I didn’t plot or plan
I just reacted instinctually
King hit a grown man
Threatened to stab others
Picked up bottles, bricks & scissors
Raised my hand
Not realizing the potential consequences
The cunts are evil
I’ll be damned
You think I’d try and excuse myself
I have reasons
Aint worth shit
Cos these muthaz are fuckin vicious
They thrive on being sick
And the only way I can relate is that I reacted to feeling wronged
But in terms of conscious action
Even though back then I felt strong
I can see how I let my guard down
I succumbed to idiocy due to pride
I don’t value violence or aggression
I don’t want people so scared they try to hide
I don’t wanna stand over or demean anyone
I don’t wanna get around acting staunch
I don’t wanna reminisce about being crazy like its one of my old haunts
I don’t wanna excuse abuse
Don’t wanna destroy them or deprive
I don’t wanna relive the episodes although at times I felt alive