Author Topic: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months  (Read 477 times)

Ebony Bree Caple

I tried to envision a love to heal my fragile mind
I was blessed for just a while
Kinda made me smile
But I was betrayed by my imagination because once again lifeís not that kind
Canít seem to find a special something that wonít rob me or confuse
Kinda feels like Iím imperfect plus insecure
I just wanted something of my own
Even if only fleeting
But they betrayed me
Filled with rage once again itís only to myself Iím speaking
Because no one listens
No one cares
I try to be selfish too
But I have to do what others tell me to
I canít confide
Got no one to entrust my love or pride
Or fear or hope or just a dream of an eternity where Iíll be safe and respected
Stead of having to keep up this chaste outta fear of being rejected
Judged
Compared
By cunts who donít care
Is there
Anything
To invest in
In my circumstance
Is there even one person worth investing trust in
Even my mind?
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2020, 10:03:12 PM »
So I throw everyone away
Itís easier than being treated callously
Ignorantly
Desperate or gullible

Now Iím left with no one which just puts me at further risk

Iím poor
No clout
No charm or wit

Iím tired
Of struggling
Keeping up pretences
Existing

Iím just tired

Iíve made a lot of mistakes

Iím no angel

Iím trying to do better

Nobody cares

Theyíre just spiteful
Nasty
Cruel
Immature

These people have power over me
I donít have the keys
I donít write the orders

I canít believe Iíve spent ten years in a system that was supposed to help and Iíve just deteriorated

I feel like a total and complete waste

And nobody cares

They want more

I have to take their advice even though theyíre misleading me

I donít relate to anybody

Anybody

Iím not even lonely anymore

Iím just tired

Sick to death

Thinking maybe I should set myself on fire this time

Maybe that would work and I wonít wake up to evidence of abuse anymore

I donít wanna be here
I hate existence
I donít even miss anything or anyone
I just exist
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2020, 10:21:11 PM »
I canít even think of anything to imagine anymore
Everythingís tainted
My mind betrays me despite how well aquainted we are
Yes Iíve received evidence that I was heard
It was supposed to be casual
But they burned me too
So Iíve no secret place to just think and have something that brings me joy
Not to rest my hand in someone elseís
Not to sit on the shore and gaze out across the oceans wondering if thereís an escape
Everything has been tarnished
I donít ask for help because the same people meant to help are mean spirited and manipulative
I asked for simplicity and Iíve never been so conflicted
Everybody is so superficial
I donít compete
Iím old
I guess I just missed out
I think of grandmotherís being forced to migrate during war with nothing but their families
I hope they find sanctuary and welcome instead of dismissal and condemnation
This world seems so superficial
He said ďNo strings attachedĒ and I was happy with that
Then the demands were so revolting I walked away
ďIt was just a thoughtĒ he kept saying
I guess Iíll never be enough
Even just in the mind
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2020, 10:28:04 PM »
Whatís gonna happen to me God?
Nobodyís gonna save me.
Thereís no where to run.
Iím not zealous.
Iíve no army.
Iíve not even a confidant.
Do you count my tears God?
Do you feel my fear?
Are you my only hope?
Thereís no one on Earth that wants to intervene.
They demand my softness but then they manipulate me.
They punish me for being brash.
I canít win God.
Are they Devils?
I just wanna sleep forever, God.
Iím tired.
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2020, 10:44:08 PM »
I know
My pain is a joke to you
Nothingís off limits
Hygiene
Clothes
Food
Accommodation
Accompaniment
Accolades
Adulation
I know you laugh at misery like itís some twisted vocation
And a hundred years from now weíll all be gone
Maybe you love life so much you hope youíll be reborn
Whereas I just wanna cut ties with this world
Live in Heaven with my God and finally be somebodyís baby girl
Itís not that Iím niave
I get people are cruel
I just donít wanna be like that
Donít wanna act like you
I wanna have virtue
I feel pure
I feel safe and clean
I want something to trust in but Iím constantly decieved
So I pray
And even my prayers arenít private anymore
Nothingís sacred in this world
Constantly unsure
Second guessing
Regretting ever being born
Regretting being staunch or seeking soft or something more
And I canít turn back and start where it all seems to have fell apart
Iím so confused
Donít know quite where it all began
All I know is that my sufferance is a game

STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES