Author Topic: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months  (Read 694 times)

Ebony Bree Caple

I tried to envision a love to heal my fragile mind
I was blessed for just a while
Kinda made me smile
But I was betrayed by my imagination because once again life’s not that kind
Can’t seem to find a special something that won’t rob me or confuse
Kinda feels like I’m imperfect plus insecure
I just wanted something of my own
Even if only fleeting
But they betrayed me
Filled with rage once again it’s only to myself I’m speaking
Because no one listens
No one cares
I try to be selfish too
But I have to do what others tell me to
I can’t confide
Got no one to entrust my love or pride
Or fear or hope or just a dream of an eternity where I’ll be safe and respected
Stead of having to keep up this chaste outta fear of being rejected
Judged
Compared
By cunts who don’t care
Is there
Anything
To invest in
In my circumstance
Is there even one person worth investing trust in
Even my mind?
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2020, 10:03:12 PM »
So I throw everyone away
It’s easier than being treated callously
Ignorantly
Desperate or gullible

Now I’m left with no one which just puts me at further risk

I’m poor
No clout
No charm or wit

I’m tired
Of struggling
Keeping up pretences
Existing

I’m just tired

I’ve made a lot of mistakes

I’m no angel

I’m trying to do better

Nobody cares

They’re just spiteful
Nasty
Cruel
Immature

These people have power over me
I don’t have the keys
I don’t write the orders

I can’t believe I’ve spent ten years in a system that was supposed to help and I’ve just deteriorated

I feel like a total and complete waste

And nobody cares

They want more

I have to take their advice even though they’re misleading me

I don’t relate to anybody

Anybody

I’m not even lonely anymore

I’m just tired

Sick to death

Thinking maybe I should set myself on fire this time

Maybe that would work and I won’t wake up to evidence of abuse anymore

I don’t wanna be here
I hate existence
I don’t even miss anything or anyone
I just exist
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2020, 10:21:11 PM »
I can’t even think of anything to imagine anymore
Everything’s tainted
My mind betrays me despite how well aquainted we are
Yes I’ve received evidence that I was heard
It was supposed to be casual
But they burned me too
So I’ve no secret place to just think and have something that brings me joy
Not to rest my hand in someone else’s
Not to sit on the shore and gaze out across the oceans wondering if there’s an escape
Everything has been tarnished
I don’t ask for help because the same people meant to help are mean spirited and manipulative
I asked for simplicity and I’ve never been so conflicted
Everybody is so superficial
I don’t compete
I’m old
I guess I just missed out
I think of grandmother’s being forced to migrate during war with nothing but their families
I hope they find sanctuary and welcome instead of dismissal and condemnation
This world seems so superficial
He said “No strings attached” and I was happy with that
Then the demands were so revolting I walked away
“It was just a thought” he kept saying
I guess I’ll never be enough
Even just in the mind
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2020, 10:28:04 PM »
What’s gonna happen to me God?
Nobody’s gonna save me.
There’s no where to run.
I’m not zealous.
I’ve no army.
I’ve not even a confidant.
Do you count my tears God?
Do you feel my fear?
Are you my only hope?
There’s no one on Earth that wants to intervene.
They demand my softness but then they manipulate me.
They punish me for being brash.
I can’t win God.
Are they Devils?
I just wanna sleep forever, God.
I’m tired.
STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES
 

Ebony Bree Caple

Re: Just writing poetry in the psych wards - this could take weeks or months
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2020, 10:44:08 PM »
I know
My pain is a joke to you
Nothing’s off limits
Hygiene
Clothes
Food
Accommodation
Accompaniment
Accolades
Adulation
I know you laugh at misery like it’s some twisted vocation
And a hundred years from now we’ll all be gone
Maybe you love life so much you hope you’ll be reborn
Whereas I just wanna cut ties with this world
Live in Heaven with my God and finally be somebody’s baby girl
It’s not that I’m niave
I get people are cruel
I just don’t wanna be like that
Don’t wanna act like you
I wanna have virtue
I feel pure
I feel safe and clean
I want something to trust in but I’m constantly decieved
So I pray
And even my prayers aren’t private anymore
Nothing’s sacred in this world
Constantly unsure
Second guessing
Regretting ever being born
Regretting being staunch or seeking soft or something more
And I can’t turn back and start where it all seems to have fell apart
I’m so confused
Don’t know quite where it all began
All I know is that my sufferance is a game

STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT REAL IN A WORLD FULL OF FAKES