freestyle, could u give me some feedback

[LookaLike]

Hey here just to relealse some feelings, how is it? how can i improve what you like ect?
Gimme some feedback thx yo.

 "Yea u heard me right everybody put ur Hands up,
this is a Stick up, put ur dick up, face down
Drop ur lame ass on the ground and gimme the money"
For the first time in my life im in control, it's kinda funny,
So i grap the honey i put the clock on her head and walk along the store

"I don't care 4 blond whore in ur arms"
Is what i hear and i see it's hand reachin the alarm

no time to think twice, shot the whore to the head,
squeezed the clock again but fuck,
The guy already pushed the button, I gotta do sonthin,
I grap the cash in the back, dropped my jack in my back pack,
I start runnin, several thought crosses my mind,
"I'm afraid what did i do, how can i be such a fool,
but i can't wait till what my homeboys say,
I sprayed 2 shots and another thirty six to the rouf,

Ah i see the van, got there dropped the pack in the thrunk, everyone is mad,
what is this, sit next to my homey can't still believe what he said;
"Yo Look-a-like, The guy u just shot was Mob related, I can't let you go"
Shorty grapped his Fo-Fo popped me two to the head.
My body dropped in the dumbster next to two other mexican lads.


"I didnt do it, i mean i didnt want to screw it,
It was the coke, It was my click, I was damn broke
It was my envirement who made me do it, everybode does it"
That were the words that i pleed while i was standing for the big door.


This were the words from the God To letus know

" Don't hide behind the act of others even if u are brothers
Everybody, is responsible fot his own thing", then a bell ring,
It was my mother she told me this lesson among a lot of others
I was too proud to speak my name loud, too cockey to put my game out,
Too dumb to going all out, we all can change through this game of life,
Just put ur mind on the right track, that life will pay u back,
Have respect 4 all mexican, amercian and all others,
Be the master over ur own mind be in control of ur own grind

Cause this how it sounds all day everyday
behade and betray  I'm sick of it
the attitude, the game,It's a shame we get forced to live this way,
Rulez and hierachie against ambitionz and freedom,
M L K should see it, and throw ur arses though it,
If u can't do it on ur own, be strong try to fight the fight alone,
And become a respected known u human being,

pff oke done how u liked?

[LookaLike]

thx 4 the feedback yo tss. I Can't understand whats so hard about that just say what good what not how i can improve seems how much u internet freaks are on ur own doing ur own thing. U never get respected when u can't even show respect.. Anyways it's col though ciao

[Storm]

sorry man, im just not feeling it. first of all get your spelling right. second, it doesnt rhyme well and it doesnt really flow. and third im not really feeling the story. keep working. peace.