Author Topic: I read this story and it blew me the FUCK, away. (Read 749 times)

QuietTruth · « **on:** September 14, 2007, 06:43:21 PM »

AnybodyKilla · « **Reply #1 on:** September 14, 2007, 07:25:22 PM »

What is this shit LOL? How did it blow u away?

D-Reborn · « **Reply #2 on:** September 15, 2007, 05:10:50 AM »

shit, I never really believed in this shit, but this really got me, I mean, damn, 20 similarities and one difference about it.
what's yo sign QT?

Now_Im_Not_Banned · « **Reply #3 on:** September 15, 2007, 11:39:15 AM »

How to Recognize CANCER

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid. because I'm not myself, you see,"

"Oh, my fur and whiskersi" It is this, it is this that oppresses my soul.

The best time to hunt for human crabs is by the light of the silvery Moon. It's usually easier to recognize them at night, when they're all dressed up to go dreaming, wrapped in vivid imagination. Moonlight becomes them beautifully. It goes with their many moods, and it matches their chang¡©ing emotions.

You'll gather lots of clues to the Cancerian nature by doing some Moon-gazing on a clear night in the country. It may be hard to see it through the smog in the city, but you can always study an almanac. Notice the Moon's changing shape and appearance. As it waxes and increases in light, it slowly grows into a perfect, round ball in the sky. When it wanes, it gradually disappears, so there's nothing visible but a thin sliver of light with a faint, silver shimmer.

The Cancerian's passing moods are synchronized to the Moon, answering to the same mysterious lunar influence that causes the tides of the ocean to flow in and out. Yet, the Moon doesn't really change at all. It just seems to. Likewise, the Cancerian remains the same person through all his fluctuating highs and lows. Such dependable peri¡©odicity-constant in its inconstancy-makes the crab easy to recognize, once you know the phase he's in when you see him.

You may first come across him when he's laughing the "crazy lunar laugh." It's inescapably contagious. It runs up and down the scales with a deep, throaty undertone. It giggles and gurgles, then finally erupts in a loud cackle that sounds exactly like two hundred hens laying two hundred perfect eggs. In his life-of-the-party mood, youll have no trouble finding the Cancerian. Hell be the funniest one in the room, a laugh a minute. If he's not performing himself, then he'll be grinning at someone else's antics. No one likes a joke better than Cancer, and his funny side is all the more startling when it pops up so incongruously from his normally quiet, gentle personality. Lunar humor runs deep. It's never shallow or superficial, because it stems from the sensitive observation of human behavior. Cancer may not wear his lunar laugh every day, but he can always dig it out of his old trunk in the basement at a moment's notice.

These people don't pant after the spotlight like the extro-verted Leos or-clownish Sagittarians, but Cancerians have an uncanny sense of publicity, when it pleases them to be noticed. Don't let that unassuming manner fool you. They secretly enjoy attention, and they'll soak up any headlines they get. You won't find Cancer pursuing fame with pas¡©sion (he pursues nothing with true passion), but he cer¡©tainly won't shrink from it. He's far more likely to bask in the reflected glow of applause than to run away. Cancer may hide from things, but you can be sure that apprecia¡©tion is not one of them.

If you're the kind of person who catches cold easily, wear your raincoat when you expose yourself to the damp¡©ness of a Cancerian in a melancholy mood. He can wrap you in wet blankets until you shiver and shake. Cancer can turn bluer than an inkwell, and drown you in depression deeper than the floor of the ocean. His fears are usually well covered by the nutty lunar humor, but they are always with him, haunting his days and nights with a vague sense of nameless dangers, lurking in the shadows. Pessimism is never far away, always ready to spoil those beautiful nights of fancy. A Cancerian can take the dreamiest trips to the stars on the gossamer wings of his imagination, if he leams to ignore that harping inner voice which keeps nagging him and warning him he might get lost in outer space. But until he leams to conquer his fears, they form his Achilles' heel, and they hurt every time he starts to fly too high.

His tears are never crocodile tears. They flow from the deep rivers of his fragile and vulnerable heart. You can wound his sensitive feelings with a harsh glance or a rough t- tone of voice. Cruelty can bring on brimming eyes or a 'complete withdrawal (It's an odd thing that Cancerians seldom get fevers; they're more likely to suffer from the chills.) It won't be easy to spot the crab in this mood, because when he's hurt, he disappears into reproachful silence. Sometimes, he can retaliate with an almost scorpion revenge, but he'll usually do it secretly, seldom openly with the Scorpio's fine contempt for consequences. Most of the time, however, hell turn away from getting even, content to hide under his protective shell. Once you've wounded him, you can poke at him with a sharp stick for days afterwards and not reach him. He won't answer his phone, his doorbell or his mail. In the midst of uncertainty, despair and sadness. Cancer people seek retreat and solitude. Just like real crabs.

That's another mood Cancerians have. Crabby. The person who gave you a cranky answer when you asked for the time, the one who nearly snapped your head off when you asked him to pass the salt-was probably a Cancer person going through one of his occasional crabby spells that makes him hate the world. He's not angry with you. He's disappointed with life. He'll get over it, and be his own sweet, gentle and understanding self when the Moon changes. Consult the daily paper for the next quarter, or wait until the tides come back in.

There are two basic Cancer types. The first kind has a • handsome round face, soft skin, a wide, grinning mouth, almost circular eyes, rather a baby-faced look. Think of the man in the moon. That's a perfect image. The second type is more common. The unmistakable "look of the crab" is immediately noticeable in the face. You'll see a fairly large skull, an overhanging brow and high cheek¡©bones. The brows themselves will seem to knit together in a sort of permanent frown which, strangely, isn't offensive, but rather interesting. There's a pronounced lower jaw, and the teeth are either prominent or irregular in some way. The eyes are small and usually far apart. Sometimes you'll see a Cancerian who combines both the lunar face and the crab face but each is so distinctive that, even when they're blended, it's easy to recognize them as Moon people, born under the sign of the crab. Some of them are indisputably plump, but the great majority have a strikingly bony structure. The arms and legs may be extra long in propor¡©tion to the rest of the body. The shoulders will be broader than average, and often the hands and feet are either unusually tiny or quite large. Most Cancerians are a little top heavy, and they waddle slightly when they walk fast. Whether the body is plump or wiry, the women will usually wear a sweater size considerably larger than the skirt size. Or they'll be absolutely flat-chested. Either way, this par¡©ticular characteristic is quite marked. There is never a middle ground for this part of the anatomy with female crabs.

All lunar people have enormously expressive features. A thousand moods play fleetingly across their faces in the course of a conversation. Do you know someone who some¡©times cackles wildly, then weeps despondently,-who occa¡©sionally snaps at you irritably, and then hides when you hurt him? Does he normally treat you with gentle con¡©sideration? If he's gruff, yet kindly, a fascinating conversa¡©tionalist with deep wells of creative imagination, that person was probably born in late June or July.

Caneerians have such control of imagery, and their moods are so intense, they can make you feel them, too. Their imagination seizes joy and despair, horror and com¡©passion, sorrow and ecstasy, and holds each emotion fast with a retentive memory. Like mirrors and cameras, they absorb images and reflect them faithfully. Every experience is engraved on the heart as a photograph is etched on a negative plate. They never forget any of the lessons life has taught them nor do they forget the lessons history has taught mankind. A Cancerian reveres the past and is usually patriotic to the core. Historical figures intrigue him as much as his own ancestors do. He often collects antiques, old treasures and ancient relics and has an insatiable curiosity about yesterday. Cancer is a sort of mental archaeologist, always digging for more fascinating facts.

He's also a well of secrecy. People automatically confide their secrets to the crab, but with his sensitive emotions he already knows what's on their minds. Cancerian compas¡©sion is deep and highly intuitive. There's hardly a secret he can't strip naked, if he chooses. It's a one-way street, however. He'll eventually soak up all there is to know about you, but you'll never guess his own private thoughts. He guards his inner feelings carefully from prying eyes. The typical Cancer person doesn't like to discuss his per¡©sonal life, but he's delighted to hear about yours, as his lunar imagination lets him easily guess the parts you leave out. Cancer seldom judges, however. He simply gathers, absorbs, reflects.

Although the crab gives back emotions like a mirror, he won't give up tangible things without a struggle. Take a stroll along any beach and observe the habits of the real crab. When he grabs an object (and make sure it's not your big toe), he'll hang on for dear life. He'd rather lose a claw than let go. If the crab does sacrifice a claw, he grows a new one, so he can grab hold once more with the same tenacity; and let that be a lesson to you when you're trying to get a Cancerian to give up something he or she really wants. Cancer will never relinquish a treasured object, and that can range all the way from a beloved friend or relative to a title or a position-from an old tintype photo to a pair of frazzled house slippers, with the soles half worn away.

While you're still on the beach, take a few more notes on the customs of the real crab. The way he walks, for instance. If his eye is on that big toe, he'll never come forth directly and head for your foot. First, he moves backward a few paces. Then he moves sideways. Suddenly, without warning, he crawls to the other side. He always appears to be moving in the opposite direction. But he's watching every second. If that delicious toe starts to get away from him, he'll move straight forward, and you'd better run if you don't want those claws to dig in. He means business when he sees he has a chance of losing the morsel he covets. The human crab imitates these tactics precisely. Cancerians never go directly after what they want. Their strategy is to move in every direction but straight ahead. They'll play this shifting game indefinitely, until it looks as if someone else is about to grab the prize. Then the cards are played quickly and cleverly-Cancer lunges forward, takes hold firmly, and refuses to let go.

They behave much the same way when it comes to generosity and giving. Cancer's heart is too soft not to be touched by someone's need. He truly cares and he wants to help. But he'll sit back cautiously and wait to see if. there's anyone else who might move in first. Why should he foolishly squander his time or money if it is not necessary? When all other sources fail, when no other help shows any sign of materializing. Cancer will rescue the struggler at the last minute. He'll let you go down twice, but he'll save you just before you submerge the third time. He's too kind to watch you drown, but he's certainly not going to get all wet if there's a life guard around, or if it looks as if you can swim to shore yourself. It's self-preservation, not self¡©ishness or unkindness. The crab's heart is soft at the core, under his hard, conservative outer shell. But there's just so much of his time, his money and his emotions he has to give, and he chooses to distribute each wisely. His even¡©tual gesture will often be grand and generous. Yet, in his mind, it's only sensible to watch and wait before plunging. No one could accuse him of being impulsive.

When he does make a move, he'll want some sort of track record behind him-or behind you. The crab care¡©fully calculates his actions on experiences, either his own or someone else's. He needs the strength of an accepted precedent or the assurance of financial security as a foun¡©dation. He fears going it alone without such an insurance policy, which is why most of his ventures are successful and each final move a coup de grace, executed with finesse. Naturally, Cancerians will seldom stumble into deep holes in the dark. With a fiery Moon sign, or a fire sign on the ascendant, he may gamble on an occasional maneuver, but if he fails, he'll be miserable about going against his own better inner judgment. Leo or Sagittarius influences may have driven him to act, but when he falls back on his own Sun sign after defeat, misery sets in. Cancer tends to brood over mistakes instead of shrugging off bad luck and trying again, and it will be some time before he takes another chance.

Male or female, the Cancerian loves his home with a respect bordering on reverence. No devout high priest of ancient times ever considered his altar more sacred than Cancer considers the place where he hangs his old hat. You're liable to notice a sampler on his wall with the words, "There's No Place Like Home, Be It Ever So Humble." (Yes, I know the verse is backwards, but his little girl made it at school, and to him it's a masterpiece, a pearl beyond price. Admire it often.) His home is where he plays, lives, loves, dreams and feels safe. Though he may travel over half the earth in connection with his career, no Cancer person is ever quite happy without a hearth to call his own. Sometime make a point of noticing the expression on the face of a crab who has just returned home from a long trip. Pure ecstasy.

No matter how much money he piles up in reserve, Cancer never feels really secure, and no matter how much love he gets, he always needs more. His emotions never let him become sure enough to relax completely. He's always piling up tangibles against some imaginary future disaster. Some Cancerians actually keep big cardboard cartons of food of all kinds under their beds. It keeps away those nightmares. You may think that's stretching the truth, but when was the last time you looked under a Cancer's bed? If you don't find the canned foods there, look on the closet shelves. You may find two dozen cans of paprika and twenty-eight boxes of fortified bread crumbs he bought on sale in 1943. What's he saving it for? Don't ask ridicu¡©lous questions. There might be a famine someday. He's prepared. (Noah must have been born in July. The flood didn't catch him with his rudders down, either.) Why doesn't he use all that paprika and all those bread crumbs? The answer to that one raises another question. Why doesn't he use those fourteen pairs of new pajamas and the seven dozen cashmere scarves he's been given over the years as gifts? They're still in the original tissue paper. Who knows? Maybe he's planning to wrap them around the animals to keep them warm when the next flood comes. Could be. He thinks that far ahead, and he remembers yesterday's catastrophes vividly, even if he wasn't there.

You'll often find the Cancerian on the water. If he's not swimming, he's water-skiing or at the very least, wad¡©ing. Unless there's some definite planetary affliction in his natal chart that makes him fear the waves, he'll usually be found spending most of his leisure time on a beach. Lots of Cancer people own their own boats. He'd much rather have a trim little ship he can escape to than a dozen color television sets and fifty limousines. Some crabs have fabu¡©lous yachts, but even if it's a rowboat or a canoe, he'll blissfully row, paddle or steer it to happiness. It's as though the Cancerian has a special, private dream that's been lost out there somewhere in the deep waters, and he keeps seeking it. Over half the crabs you meet will be weekend sailors. Maybe it's the moon and the tides calling him. Whatever it is, he's never as moody when he's happily walking his own deck in the tennis shoes he bought when he graduated from college. (Don't ever suggest that he buy new ones. There's one thing you have to understand about these people. If it's old, it has value. If it's new, it's suspect.)

Cancerian emotions can be stronger than the physical body. Worry and apprehension can make him ill, and

I cheerfulness can make him well. Often, he fears financial * collapse or the loss of someone he needs emotionally. If his security is threatened, either at the bank or in his heart, he can fall into a depression which unconsciously courts sickness or accident. His active imagination can be morbid enough to turn a minor illness into a grave or chronic one. When he gets gloomy, he responds poorly to positive statements. Then he's apt to think you're unkind for not sympathizing with him. But sympathy is the last thing Cancer needs when he's sick, never mind what he says. If he grows melancholy about fearsome possibilities, he invites real trouble, and he'll take twice as long to get well.

The most vulnerable areas are the chest or breast region, the knees, kidneys, bladder and skin. The head and face areas are also sensitive, as are the stomach and the digestive system. Cancerians practically invented ulcers. But those who keep serene, and who call on their marvelous sense of humor to see them through their moods, can easily stay well until a ripe old age. If they get a firm grip on happi¡©ness and refuse to let go, the crabs have the power to cling to life with the same tenacity that they cling to those old newspapers and pot holders. Cheerfulness, optimism and laughter, taken daily in large doses, will keep their minds and bodies healthy. As Cancer imagines himself to feel, so shall he actually feel. No other sign is so prone to let negative thoughts bring on illness, yet no other sign can create such miracles of self-healing. It's a strange contra¡©diction, and it would immensely benefit all Cancerians to ponder it.

Lots of Cancer people have very green thumbs. They produce some beautiful gardens that are tended and watered with loving care. Most of them also have very green savings accounts, which they cultivate with the same devotion. Money clings to Cancer, and they like the feel of it, so they allow it to cling. They spend frugally, to say the very least. Even with impulsive influences in the natal chart, Cancer will keep a few dry bills aside for a rainy day. If he tells you he's broke, he means he's down to his last few thousand. To him, that's a desperate situation. No one is a more capable manager of funds than the crab (although Taurus, Capricorn or Virgo may run a close second). He's an expert at accumulating cash and making it grow like the trees and flowers he plants. It will seldom dwindle in his tenacious hands or run through his shrewd fingers, and you won't catch him tossing bundles of it out the window for the sheer joy of getting rid of it. His generosity is exceeded only by his caution. Cancerian John D. Rocke¡©feller, Sr. probably thought he was being wickedly extrava¡©gant when he handed out all those dimes to small children;

it tickled him to go on such a wild spending spree and teach economy at the same time. Still, the crab will share whatever he has willingly when someone he likes or loves is in real need. A child will never fail to move him to part with cash, but hell come down hard on a grocer who over¡©charges him two cents on a can of beans.

Pood somehow represents security to Cancerians. If Old Mother Hubbard had been born in July, she would never have recovered from finding the cupboard bare. Whether he actually eats it or not, the crab feels safer when the larder is full and overflowing. Just talking about food brings a rosy glow to his expressive face, and stories of starvation will actually horrify him. Cancerians care deeply about the hungry, and they feel a responsibility toward every empty stomach in the world. (The noted mathematician-astrologer Carl Payne Tobey has pointed out that Cancerian Nelson Rockefeller campaigned in supermarkets with the political slogan, "He Cares.") Wasting food is a crime to Cancer. You'll get all the second helpings you want, but be sure you clean up the plate.

There's a strong maternal instinct in both sexes. They're always trying to stuff hot food into you, or bundle you up against the damp, night air. Cancerians baby their friends and loved ones and hover over them protectively. It's hard to tell which stirs the lunar emotions more deeply-chil¡©dren, food or money.

The crab's sensitive nature is covered with a hard shell, and he's wise enough to avoid the stormy seas. Half the time he lives on dry land, the other half in deep waters. He wears the luminous, pale gold and shimmering colors of moonlight, and hides his powerful emotions behind the pale green, mauve and lavender tints of modesty.

There's a touch of Moon madness in every Cancerian. He knows a wild and secret place where two lilies and seven white roses grow among the iris. Sometimes the memory of this faraway garden causes him to explode with laughter. Now and then it causes him to weep with sadness. Cancer patiently gathers the emeralds, pearls and moon-stones carelessly dropped in the sand by others, as he waits for the tides to wash his silver dreams ashore.

Famous Cancer Personalities

John Quincy Adams Louis Armstrong Ingmar Bergman Milton Berle Julius Caesar James Cagney Marc Chagall Jean Cocteau George M. Cohan Calvin Coolidge. Phyllis DiUer Stephen Foster John Glenn Oscar Hammerstein Ernest Hemingway Henry VIII

Helen Keller Charles Laughton Gertrude Lawrence Anne Lindbergh Gina Lollobrigida Marcel Proust Rembrandt

John D. Rockefeller Nelson Rockefeller Richard Rodgera Red Skelton Barbara Stanwyck Ringo Starr Henry D. Thoreau John Wanamaker Duke of Windsor

The Killer Crab

"I sometimes dig for butter rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs:

I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs:

And that's the way," (he gave a wink) "By which I get my wealth-

And very gladly will I drink Your Honor's noble health."

A taciturn expert at circumlocution he is. A scatterbrain and a chatterbox he is not. Don't expect this man to bare his soul when he first meets you. Cancerians never confide in strangers, and there are certain things even their best friends don't know. It will take a long time and a fair amount of patience to really know him. If you catch him in one of his cantankerous moods, you may not be very anxious to really know him, but try again. Don't give up so easily.

He can be flirtatious and fickle, but he can also be sensi¡©tive and loyal. Without warning, that wrinkled frown can be replaced by a gentle smile. His crabby complaints aad gruff manner can warm slowly into a tender tone, just before he breaks into a deep chuckle, a muffled giggle or loud, hysterical lunar laughter. When he's sad and wistful, you'll want to put your arms around him, and soothe away his melancholy. When he's showing off his sharp, intuitive mind, you'll stare at him in awe. His caution will impress you. His pessimism will depress you.

He can be so courtly, courteous, and considerate, you half expect him to ask you to dance the Virginia Reel. There's no question that he's a romantic dreamer, yet he's so sensible and practical, his enemies may call him "Old Marble Nose" behind his back. What do you do with a man like this?

You try to understand him. These aren't changes of per¡©sonality. They're simply lunar moods, moving across his consciousness, here today-gone tomorrow. Both during and between each mood, the Cancer man is true to him¡©self. His nature never deviates from its basic mold, despite the changes of expression that play on his features. Always try to remember that although a Cancerian's manner can be rough and aloof, his heart is always soft and affection¡©ate, and so full of sentiment it often makes him feel too vulnerable. Then he crawls into his convenient shell (the one he carries with him at all times), safe for a while from his own emotions. You'll think he's a real crab and give up when he retreats into injured silence. But the next time he cautiously peeks out to see the sunshine, you'll be tempted all over again to get close to him. Unfortunately, a Cancer male can be a regular wet dishrag now and then, disparaging everything and everybody, and splashing gloom in big, blue drops all over your ego. Yet, at other times he can be as funny as an orangutan with the hiccups. No wonder you don't know whether to give him a cold shoulder or a warm hug. The temperature changes of a Cancerian could puzzle anyone. First you shiver under his freezing glances, then you get smothered with devotion. His moods are the meanest when he's the most afraid of losing something. Maybe it's you. Reassure him you're his a thousand and one times. Words of love are music to his ears.

Of course, he may wade into one of his loony spells right in the middle of a tender scene some night under a full Moon. Just when you're drifting away on lovely dreams, he may offer to tell you his favorite poem. You'll sigh, lean back on his shoulder and close your eyes. Then he'll cackle something like, "The stag at Eve had drunk his fill-where danced the Moon on Monan's rill. He blew his nose and shined his shoes-and took a swig of Mountain booze!" It may jolt you out of your magic spell, but that full Moon can do strange things to the lunar emotions. What I mean is, he can be as nutty as a cuckoo, even if he is smart enough to make a million dollars and keep it.

I'm glad we brought up money. You will be too. If you're the kind of girl who likes to pay the rent on time, you're in love with exactly the right man. He's almost as fond of security as he is of you. You may have a slight edge, but you can safely consider money your worst rival. He's going to pursue it with dedication and a sort of quiet, religious fervor for most of his days. (The nights may bring other things to pursue.) It's not the worst fate you could ex¡©perience. Finances have fascinated him since childhood, and saving will be substantially more attractive to him than spending. He's not exactly stingy, but let's say it's not likely you'll ever see him lighting his pipe with a dollar bill for a parlor trick. The Cancerian sense of humor seldom takes in the topic of cold, hard cash. Money is not a laughing matter to the crab. He could probably add a column of figures in his head before he learned the alphabet, and had a paper route when he was eleven. Don't be surprised if you find he still has his first piggy bank, unopened. The tinkle of silver and the rustle of fold¡©ing green paper soothe his nerves, but he won't brag about his Dun and Bradstreet rating. Cancerians seldom collect cash for status. They collect it for its own sweet sake. In fact, he will probably belittle his financial wizardry. He's "just a poor boy, trying to earn a living, and getting along the best he can." You may even feel so sorry for him, you'll offer to get him a loan at the bank. Don't. He proba¡©bly owns part of it.

A fire sign on the ascendant may give him a rare ex¡©travagant urge, which he'll resist with admirable courage. Even if he gives in to an occasional spending spree to cheer himself out of a blue mood, it won't become a habit. Be-foi-e you start mumbling "tightwad" under your breath, you should know that the Cancer man has an interesting idta of economy. He'd rather take you out to the best restaurant, and get what he pays for, than risk offending his sensitive tastes with over-cooked lamb chops and in¡©different service in a second-rate place. He thinks it's silly to waste money on a cloth coat, when a mink or chinchilla will amortize itself over the years. A good, conservative Cadillac or Bentley is a safer investment, in his opinion, thqn a cheap car that depreciates as soon as you drive it around the comer. Quality and thrift are synonymous to the Cancerian. There, I thought that would bring the sparkle back to your eyes.

£ven the most poetic and dreamy Cancerians, who spend their lives immersed in music, art or other cultural pursuits, have a shrewd sense of the value of cash. A lunar artist may paint in an attic, but you needn't send him any Care packages. There are probably some stocks and bonds hidden in the rafters. He won't donate his paintings, either. He'll sell them for a pretty price, if he's a professional. But they'll be worth it. When a Cancer person tackles a career, he's sure to be at the top of it. He's loaded with artistic talent. You might suggest that your Cancer man design your Christmas cards. They're sure to be lovely, even if he's only an amateur.

If he's a true Cancerian, he won't be wild about sports clothes. There's a certain formality about his toilet. Whether be'ss worth billions or only a few paltry thousands, he likes conservative cuts and good tailoring. He often leans- to colllar buttons (yes, they still sell them-to Cancerians), French cuffs and expensive shirts he gets wholesale, usually without monograms (too showy; he prefers to be incon¡©spicuous). Even when he's short of cash for a brief period whiile he's working on his first million, his shoes will be poliished and his socks will stay up. During any shaky financial period (and it will be temporary), a Cancer male will. somehow exude an air of genteel rich, or one who has known better days. If he hasn't, he will. Fairly sub¡©stantial amounts of money will someday come to this man, or he'll be given the opportunity to earn large sums of it. He won't always be wealthy, but a Cancerian in the un-emrsloyment line is as rare as a pineapple tree in Si beria. His secret motto is that "all play and no work gives Jack a skinny billfold," and he prefers his wallets pleasingly plump.

Let's hope you find his mother congenial. In fact, let's pray you do. It's fairly certain she'll pop up in his con¡©versation frequently, in remarks like, "My mother never wears much makeup, and she's a beautiful woman. Don't you think your eye shadow is a little heavy, sweetheart?" Or "You use frozen pies and instant potatoes? My mother used to bake her own bread when I was a youngster." This paragon of virtue is quite likely to pop up just as often in person, when you least expect it. "Darling, I have to cancel our date for the theater tonight. I'm driving Mother out to the country for a few days." To put it mildly, the Cancer man may be reluctant to dethrone Mama and crown you as his new queen. He's a terribly domesticated crab, for all his occasional stirrings of wanderlust, and if his mother made his home cozy, he'll be in no hurry to leave it. Cancerians are either very, very close to their mothers or completely alienated from them. The relationship is never casual. Those who don't revere the maternal parent are either adopted, or jealousy of the father's place in the mother's affection has caused an emotional block. Then there can be an unnatural coldness and isolation.

With the typical crab, however, the problem is far more likely to be closeness. There's no use hiding the facts of life. If you're in love with this more common type of Cancerian, you'll have to cultivate his mother, and you'll have to be her rival while you're showering her with compliments. It's not easy to cultivate and compete at the same time, but that's the strategy you'll need. Don't ever let her get the edge on cooking and homemaking. Let her teach you how to bake lemon chiffon pie. He'll like that -you two girls getting along so nicely. Then turn around and do a brilliant beef Stroganoff on your own. Be sure to spoil him at least as much as she does, and that may be a lot. He's probably grown accustomed to being considered the apple of her eye. Being fussed over, fed regularly, catered to, hovered over when he's sick, and tucked in bed tenderly at night can turn him into a mighty sweet crab. Cancer men will never admit it, but they love to be petted and babied by females.

There are certain traits, however, which can even up the score in your relationship. For one, he'll be a pretty good chef himself. He may surprise you with his ability to whip up a gourmet meal. When this man invites you to come up to his apartment for dinner, he's usually quite serious. Even if he asks you to look at his etchings, there may be no ulterior motive. The typical Cancerian male is a devotee of the finer things in life. In plain talk, he diga culture. For all you know, he may actually own some rare etchings or at least a fabulous record collection. You're fairly safe in risking an unchaperoned trip to his rocky cave, because the typical lunar man is the soul of gallantry with women. Hell usually be a gentleman until you stop being a lady. It's the way they did it in Grandma's day, and to him, those were the good old days. (That's proba¡©bly Grandma's photograph on the mantel.) Ask him about his family tree. He'll love to tell you. Most Cancerians delight in their backgrounds and their blood lines. He likea old things, from Grandma herself to that Eighteenth Cen¡©tury fruitwood table he bought the first time he went to Europe.

If he asks to take your picture, don't grab your babushka and run. Photography is a common lunar hobby, and few Cancer males live their lives without at least one camera. Of course, he could have Venus in Scorpio or a Leo Moon, so maybe it would be more discreet to check his natal chart before you agree to anything. Whatever it is, just say, "I'd love to, dear, but do you mind if I call my astrologer first? I'll need your birthday." If he thinks you're jesting, you can straighten that out right away. Just tell him that J. P. Morgan seldom made a move in the stock market without consulting astrologer Evangeline Adams, who was the granddaughter and great-granddaughter of John Quincy Adams and John Adams. The combination of both history and money will open his eyes wide with interest.

The Cancer man may go for quite a spell without inviting you to see either his etchings or his fruitwood table. Al¡©though he may engage in light flirtations, it may be many years before he becomes seriously enamoured, because it isn't easy for him to find a woman he feels is worthy of his interest. When he finds her, he'll be beautifully senti¡©mental, and he'll lavish her with gifts and admiration. But his standards are high. Not every girl can meet them. Most crabs are afraid of being burned, and not without cause. A mismatched alliance which would cause only a few sad weeks of readjustment for the average man can be a dis¡©aster to the crab. When something separates him from a partner he's allowed himself to get close to, he can carry a torch for many years.

He's naturally shy of rushing in, but once he's sure, he won't be easily rebuffed. Cancerians can play the role of the romantic lover artfully. After he's declared himself, and has some hope of winning you, his timidity will switch to tenacity overnight, and you'll find yourself being courted by an earnest, determined man who won't take no as an answer for any proposal he has in mind. He's likely to stuff himself in your mailbox (figuratively, of course), camp on your doormat and monopolize your phone. It's hard to slide away from the grip of the crab. You probably won't want to, of course. Lots of girls are looking for a moonlit world like his to dream in, where someone will hold them tightly and protect them from the big, bad wolf at the door.

Now that you know he's not a sloppy dresser or a spend-thrift, that he can probably cook like a dream, has excellent taste, is looking for an old-fashioned girl like the girl who married dear old dad, and that he can be a cooing lovebird (when he's not in a snappy mood), what other information could you possibly need? How is he as a father? That's the best news of all. Cancerians are all mothers at heart. Even the men.

What I really mean to say is, he'll be a fine parent, be¡©cause of the same caring, gentle, sympathetic, and under¡©standing nature you fell in love with yourself. He'll have infinite padence with the children, be genuinely interested in every mashed toe, broken toy and toothache. Hell wear a paper hat at their birthday parties, be a pied piper for all the kids on the block, and spend countless hours entertain¡©ing the little people. Cancer dads are proud of their sons and fiercely protective of their daughters. When they're small, he'll be just the grandest daddy you could imagine. However, adolescence may chum up the water somewhat. He'd like his loved ones to lean on him forever, and when they show signs of independence, he may become a cranky crab again for a period, as he rebels against their desire to experiment with the world outside.

Hell pace the floor until he wears a hole in the carpet when young Henry has the car out after midnight or when pretty Lucy stays at the dance past her curfew. Remember how figures impress him? Use plain ar thmetic to make him see the error of his ways. "It's like this, dearest. Right now

we have two children. When they get married, we might have six or eight grandchildren, like dividends at the bank. :

Six or eight adds up to more happiness than two, right?" (You have him there.) "I'm so glad you agree, luv. Now will you please tell us where you hid Lucy's wedding gown, and will you please take those handcuffs off Henry so he can pick up his marriage license?" Don't try it dur¡©ing a full Moon. He might misunderstand. Besides, no Cancerian can think straight when the lunar vibrations are strong. It's hard for him to give up control, but when he's reminded that he still has you to cling to, his grip will

loosen.

Well, that's all in the future. Your immediate problem is to entice your crab to move directly toward a proposal soon, instead of cleverly dodging from side to side and skirting the issue. You might try pretending you're leaving him for a bolder, cave man type. Usually the crab will stop his backward direction when the object-that's you -shows signs of getting away. But that requires scouting around for another man to wake him up. And that can be a real bore, since he watches you so closely.

The easiest way to get him in the mood to take hold tightly and stop playing scrabble every night is to work on his emotions, which are always right below the surface of his adding machine mind. Music, poetry, flowers, beautiful clothes, expensive perfume sparingly used, soft words and sweet caresses are all weapons which should mow down his weak resistance to romance. Don't overlook that direct line between his heart and his stomach. Cut out baby pictures from magazines, leave your sewing machine out in full view, take up the hems of your skirts an extra inch, and baby him a little. Wear one of those bracelets made of foreign coins. That will strike two sensitive chords-travel to faraway shores-and cash. One night he'll impulsively ask you if you'd like to meet his mother. The very next morning feel perfectly safe to order your invitations and your trousseau. You will have won the heart of a moody lunar man with a thousand secret dreams-and the ap¡©proval of his best girl. Then you can "sail away for a year and a day" and "dance by the light of the moon" while you "eat with a runcible spoon." Bon voyage! Don't forget-never throw away his battered old hat, his torn tennis shoes, his stamp collection or his grade school report cards. They're his treasures. Be sure to take your umbrella along. There will be some damp nights. May I say that you look beautiful in your chinchilla? But of course. A woman is beautiful only when she is loved-and you are.

QuietTruth · « **Reply #4 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:30:51 PM »

The opposite of capricorn is cancer.

Now_Im_Not_Banned · « **Reply #5 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:48:38 PM »

and opposites attract like mag-a-nats

QuietTruth · « **Reply #6 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:51:39 PM »

I don't know about a man cancer but I live wit a women one and what muthafuckin' crabs. Moodswings so bad you think they bipolar.

Now_Im_Not_Banned · « **Reply #7 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:53:25 PM »

Quote from: QuietTruth on September 15, 2007, 12:51:39 PM

I don't know about a man cancer but I live wit a women one and what muthafuckin' crabs. Moodswings so bad you think they bipolar.

Sounds more like the female in her than the cancer...

QuietTruth · « **Reply #8 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:55:18 PM »

Nah. Ya'll like the moon word? She's always pointing out the moon, like 'who gives a fuck,' cancer.

Vegasmac25 · « **Reply #9 on:** September 15, 2007, 01:01:03 PM »

im an aquaris and they totally identified my personality big time.Ive never been a huge beliver in astrology but the more i read the more it gets intresting.

QuietTruth · « **Reply #10 on:** September 15, 2007, 01:04:33 PM »

^ For real. Stories are off the chain.

Paul · « **Reply #11 on:** September 15, 2007, 01:07:32 PM »

Quote from: QuietTruth on September 15, 2007, 12:30:51 PM

The opposite of capricorn is cancer.

haha im a capricorn and my brother is cancer, ill beat his ass

QuietTruth · « **Reply #12 on:** September 15, 2007, 01:09:29 PM »

LOL, my niggaaa.

D-Reborn · « **Reply #13 on:** September 15, 2007, 02:15:04 PM »

yo what's the opposite of scorpio?

QuietTruth · « **Reply #14 on:** September 15, 2007, 02:18:49 PM »

^ Taurus.

I got all that oppsosite shit from wiki.

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Author Topic: I read this story and it blew me the FUCK, away. (Read 749 times)

QuietTruth

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