T-shirt Hell not going out of buisness hah

[OchoCinco]

http://www.tshirthell.com/hello.php

T-Shirt Hell going out of business? Really? Because of some hate mail? Are you fucking kidding me?

To all the haters who were glad to see us go and really thought I was closing down because of a few angry e-mails; good one, suckers. To all the people who called me a pussy and who really believed I would cave in to the retarded masses, like a little baby, you can EAT MY SMELLY VAGINA.

Do you really think I would hang it all up because of hate mail? Give me a break...the site is called T-Shirt Hell. I guess I should have named it 'T-Shirt Cunt Rape Faggot Nigger', so less of you fuckers would have taken the bait.

Why in the world would I shut down a website that brings so much satisfaction to people who actually have a sense of humor?  To customers who can't stand this ever-expanding, politically correct asylum we are imprisoned in?  To women and children and men and farm animals who not only love what we do, but who cherish the fact that we CAN do it?  Yes, we can.  Fuck you if you can't take a joke.

I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - "FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!" Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad! You've got to say, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to put up with these overly sensitive morons who can't take a joke anymore". Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the assholes who look at you funny. But first get up out of your chairs, stand up in your cubicles, put down your bongs, zip up your pants and yell, '"FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!"

T-Shirt Hell is not going out of business. In fact, we wouldn't leave even if we had to resort to selling dead babies for food when this economy truly hits the fan. Consider Feb, 2009 a fresh start for us. We're going to be bigger, better and more fucked up than before. Worse Than Hell is back. The black lady who writes the most intellectually (anally) stimulating newsletter on the net is back. We're fucking back. But oh...wait...we never actually left.

And just so I make this clear. I haven't decided to keep T-Shirt Hell going because of the tens of thousands of supportive emails we received or because of the press and sales we generated over the last 3 weeks (nearly 100,000 shirts sold). We were never...ever...leaving in the first place. Let's just call it tough love. Sometimes you need to kick your loved ones in the assholes to get them to satisfy their need for awesome t-shirts (and to fill my bank account). I know a lot of our fans are stingy motherfuckers and need to be "inspired" to get off their fat asses to spend money in ways that truly enhance lives and bring joy to the world. Well, that's what I did.

Let's call it my own personal stimulus package (besides my normal, daily "personal stimulus" if you know what I'm sayin). In 3 weeks, I've done EXACTLY what is needed to stimulate any economy..and that is to get people to open their wallets. Not only did the last 3 weeks save jobs at T-Shirt Hell, they've opened up a whole new world to the people who had never bought our shirts until now.

Did you know that 9 out of 10 people who wear T-Shirt Hell shirts actually increase their job security, with 6 of those people getting substantial raises? Did you realize that owning one or more T-Shirt Hell products actually raises the value of your 401k by a minimum of 25%? Were you aware that buying 3 or more T-Shirt Hell shirts at once will actually secure for you the most important seat in the White House? (Member id: barackoutwmcockout44, Name: Barack Obama, Address: Chicago, IL, 3 shirts purchased, November 1st, 2008) Thanks B, we "hope" you're enjoying your "I'd Rather Be Snorting Cocaine Off A Hooker's Ass" tee, your "I Shaved My Balls For This?" hoodie, and quite fittingly, your "Sorry About What Happens Later" ringer. Oh, the irony.

What I'm trying to say is this...our shirts are the key to fixing this economy and to getting people back on track. You don't need to thank me because I can feel the gratitude emanating from around the world at this very moment. It's a warm, fuzzy feeling. You're welcome.